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16+ Mature Content

The Alpha's Sniper Chapter 4

by TanyaStender

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

Chapter 4:

Jean and the others had now been living in the house for two weeks. He was now beginning to understand that he would never walk without his crutches or run again. He was slowly accepting his condition a began finding other things which could occupy him except for training his team. Even when injured, Jean did not go easy on them and made the training harder each time. Even the guys were starting to wonder how hard the training their captain had been through and even began wondering how he survived. After every training the guys was covered in sweat and lying on the ground breathing heavily.

Considering how werewolves had good stamina and almost never broke a sweat, Jean’s practice was devils work. Jean had decided to train in the woods around their house instead of ruining their perfect view around their house. The guys had made an even path for Jean to travel to their training ground which was a clearing in the middle of the forest. Since coming to Florida, Jean’s wolf had been restless and sometimes would even howl in his head. Jean had kept asking why he would not settle down, but got the same answer every time; “I do not know. But something is calling for us.”

Jean had begun to ignore him and began focusing of the book he was reading. He looked at the time and saw that it was time for training. Placing his book on the coffee table, Jean moved to the hallway. “ALL MARINES TO THE FRONT DOOR. YOU HAVE THREE MINUTES AND TRAINING WILL START.” Jean heard how the once peaceful house was now filled with noise from ten men getting ready for training not wanting to arrive late and get a punishment. Once Jake had done it because he did not believe the punishment would be hard, but after experiencing it, he was always the first one to arrive. The others saw the change in behavior and did not even try to do the same thing because they knew Jake was always late.

Jean smirked at the memory and began rolling out of the house. He had been feeling good today, no pain in his back. Today was the day he would see how long the boys had gotten in their training even though he could only use half of his abilities. It was something he was looking forward to. Jean had reached the forest and was wheeling down the path to their training ground. He had never thought about which pack was living here and if they were on their territory. He made a note to ask the guys when they were lined up for training. Jean felt someone began pushing him down the path and immediately knew it was Jack because of his scent.

“I wanted to ask all of you, but does there live a pack close to here or are we in a neutral zone?” Jake stopped walking at the mention of another pack. Jean turned in this wheelchair to see Jake break into a cold sweat and then it downed on him. “You did not forget to inform them of our arrival did you?” Jean raised his eyebrow and got his answer when Jake avoided his eyes and gulped lowly. “So you did. I assume everyone was in on it. Hmm… This is going to be fun.” Jake suddenly had a scared look on his face. He knew what was coming and it was not pleasant. Punishment never was, but the captain’s punishment was from hell.

Jake began pushing the wheelchair with his captain having an evil smirk on his face. When they got to the clearing the others were already standing there with grins on their faces. That was until Jake mind-linked them about what had happened and what waited for them that their faces fell and a pleading look were present. “You know it does not work on me. Get in line and let’s start training!”. After training for 3 hours, there was ten sweating men in front of their captain. The punishment was double the training and now they had a break. “Whew, I am glad that is over with.” Relief was clear on everyone’s faces as Sion stated the facts. Well, all except for Jake who knew that the worst part was coming after their break. Why would they get a break if it was not for something more?

After a five-minute break, the captain began naming their names in an order. Of course which to go first and who was last. He smirked when he saw everyone had confused expressions, all except for Jake. Because Jake had been through it before he was last. Tom was the first one. “Okay. This is the last part of training. I hope you used your break wisely. Tom come forth and let’s get this started.” Tom stepped forward. Jean reached for his crutches and was about to stand up. Suddenly all the guys were at his side. “Captain stop. You cannot, you can get hurt. Please sit down.” Jean looked at them all and put on his commander mask. “EVERYONE STEP AWAY AND SIT DOWN. YOU WILL NOT INTERFEAR AM I CLEAR?!” Jean saw that they stepped away and sat down. When he talked in his commander voice they could never do anything other than comply. Jean knew they were worried, but that was only because they had not seen him train.

Jean stood put with a little difficulty. His back was healed, but pain could still be present at times. He walked away from his wheelchair and towards Tom. “Now. I do not want anyone of you going slow on me. I am still your captain and I can make you eat the dirt under my feet anywhere, anytime. Am I clear?” A choir of yes’ rang through the forest and Jean got into his fighting stance which was a little different than before because of the crutches. Tom and Jean began circling each other, Tom made the first move by attacking Jean’s legs, which was a huge mistake. Tom had thought it was his weak point because to the crutches, but he was wrong. A load thump was heard and Tom was now lying on his back looking at his captain with awe and surprise. “It was a good attack, Tom but you assumed that my legs were my weak point because of my immobility. As you can see this was not the case. Try to study you opponent longer before attacking and maybe wait for him to attack so you can see his weak points.” Tom stood up, nodded his head and thanked his captain for the advice. What he was certain about was that he was going to be in pain the next couple of days even with his werewolf healing. They were all astonished about the power their captain had. Jake smirked at their faces and thought they should just have seen him before his injury. He was the god of fighting.


Eric had been home two weeks and everything had finally died down about him being home again. He had taken over the work and was now sitting in his office with all his documents. Suddenly Peter ran through the door with a distressed look on his face. “What is wrong, Peter? What has gotten your pants in the fire?” Peter evened his breathing and looked Eric in the eyes, before saying a word that had Eric’s attention. “Rogues! They were spotted outside Brookville. There are many of them, approximately 20.”...”Gather 15 warriors and get Ryan. We are moving out.” Peter ran out of the door again to gather his stuff after mind-linking the others to be ready outside in ten minutes.

Eric went outside to see everyone was ready. “We will see of these rouges are a threat. Do not engage before my approval I giving. Is that understood?” Everyone applied with a ‘yes alpha’, they shifted and ran into the woods towards the rogues. When the group was near the house, Eric smelled an intoxicating scent; oranges and roses. His wolf began yelling MATE. GO TO MATE! Eric got excited and began running in the other direction. “Eric. What is wrong?” Eric almost did not register his question through the mind-link, but his wolf answered for him so everyone in the group could hear. “Mate”. The group gasped, but followed their alpha who was running solely on instinct.

The group came close to a clearing in the forest and stopped behind the bushes, covering their scent. When Eric looked through the bushes and saw a man sitting in a wheelchair with ten rouges lying scattered around him panting hard. “Okay guys. Training is now done! Get back to the house.” When Eric heard the voice of the angel sitting in the wheelchair he was sold. As the ten rogues was beginning to stand up, the angel in the wheelchair turned towards us. “You can come out. I know you are there.” The ten guys quickly ran to Eric’s mate shielding him from danger, all the tiredness wiped away from their expressions. Eric and his group came out of their hiding place wondering how he had detected them. Jean’s eyes meet Eric’s and a word that shocked everyone came out of his mouth. “Mate”. 

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94 Reviews

Points: 3571
Reviews: 94

Wed Dec 21, 2016 5:55 am
deleted868 wrote a review...

Hello there! Sadly, I don't have the time to read the first three chapters of this story, but I hope that one day I can, since this sounds pretty interesting, especially with what happened to Jean. I like how you showed wolves in this story, such as how they were basically in "teams" and what appear to be tribes, or something like that. I like your characters too - obviously, I got to see a lot more into Jean's thoughts, but he and Eric both seem neat, so good job on that note. I like unique characters, and these ones seem pretty distinct, at least with their personalities, but I like how both of them at least appear to be the head of their respective team, or group. It's neat to be able to compare the two different characters, so thanks.

Moving on, the format of this story does get me a little. Like Kaos said below, I recommend that you divide some of these paragraphs in smaller ones, to be able to better describe each scene, and to allow the reader to more fully immerse themself into this story. I still like how you wrote in long paragraphs, because it seems to reflect more on how Jean thinks, but I think it'd be better in the long run to shorten these paragraphs. In addition, you have a few misspellings and typos in this story; none of them are super distracting, but they can get annoying if there's too many of them. For example, you put "of" instead of "if" in the line "We will see (of) these rouges are a threat." You get what I mean, then? If you changed a few of the words in this, especially "INTERDEAR" your story would make more sense, and read much easier. Your readers would definitely appreciate it!

All in all, I'm a sucker for supernatural stories, especially LGBT ones, so I definitely like this. With a few adjustments and edits, you could make this story a lot easier to read. You have really good ideas here, you just need to tweak how you're approaching them. I wasn't expecting the end, so that was a nice touch. I can already see how Jean and Eric could be together, haha. I'm looking forward to the next addition in this story! Good job on this!

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94 Reviews

Points: 3571
Reviews: 94

Wed Dec 21, 2016 5:55 am
deleted868 says...

Sorry I accidentally sent this review twice. Go JeanxEric! I love werewolves haha.

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1080 Reviews

Points: 125
Reviews: 1080

Sun Nov 27, 2016 7:40 pm
Kaylaa wrote a review...

This is Kaos here for a review!

The starting few paragraphs do a lot of rambling with the main character thinking a lot. I suggest instead of having this all in one place, either showing this with scenes or spreading it out, don't just let it build up to make the whole start of this chapter. That's not a strong start and that's not something that makes the reader want to read more and more of the chapter. It loses the interest of the reader. Another thing that I wanted to mention is the big and blocky paragraphs. These can be intimidating to read and may make a reader turn away because of them being so big and not being broken up, so I suggest breaking some of them down.

Following that up, I want to talk about the dialogue and a few things about it. An error that I see you made a lot in this is that when a new speaker starts speaking, you start a new paragraph for them. It makes it a lot less confusing. I'll show an example below just so you can see a reference and better understand it, it's a bad example but you get the point.

What to do:

"Hi, I'm John." the man said.

"Hey, I'm Lily." Lily said, waving her hand slightly.

What not to do:

"Hi, I'm John." the man said. "Hey, I'm Lily." Lily said, waving her hand slightly.

Onto something else I wanted to mention, which was the all-caps dialogue. Instead of doing this, use your words and punctuation to show that a person is shouting. Most of the time you don't even need an exclamation mark to show someone is shouting. Another thing about the dialogue that I suggest you do is study other people and how they talk during your conversations. Something to think about is body language, because it's a big part of communication, though people often look over that for verbal communication. It adds believably to the story.

I hope I helped and have a great day!

Life is about losing everything.
— Isabel Allende