Make-Believe

Hi there, Crim here to review your poem - and happy review day!

I absolutely adore this poem. It is choc full of complete raw emotion, which I really liked, but you also included some superb vocabulary as well. Not only that but I barely noticed the rhyme scheme until a closer look and that is /always/ a good thing because it means that you weren't using words for the sake of rhyme, serious kudos to you! This poem has some seriously powerful imagery in it, I especially liked the line:

'Their poison mine to drink,'

It reminded me of people's words that I believed that really were poisonous and hurt like poison did - I'm not sure if that's what you were referring to but even if you didn't, this line is very well put together.

What I really liked is that I could feel the pain in every line of this poem, which of course was rather depressing but you executed your point so beautifully that it almost made it alright. Another like I thought was really great was:

'Cries crimson tears of shame,'

Perhaps I'm being a little biased because I absolutely adore the word crimson (as you may be able to tell from my username) but I just thought the alliteration of cries and crimson was really lovely and the two words complimented each other well.

A reviewer below me asked who the 'they' referred to and I assumed that you were referring to society, or people in general? Again, please correct me if I'm wrong. I really felt as though I could relate to this poem.

The only suggestions/criticisms I really have is that some of your lines were a little short and choppy which did break up the flow a little. I think if you added a few words to some of the shorter lines then it would make the whole rhythm of the poem work a little better. Also, I feel as though you could develop your ideas a little better - you have so much that you could work with and I feel as though some ideas/imagery weren't quite developed enough to really have the powerful messages that they could have done if you had worked on them more.

Overall, I think this poem is absolutely gorgeous and there are certainly more positives than negatives about it - grammatically it is flawless! If you have any questions about my feedback then feel free to shoot me a message. Keep writing and take care,

Crim

like this a lot

Hello there, a quick review to you poem
Firstly, when reading through the title, I am spontaneously think about the Sony slogan! Of course it is different from the real meaning intended by the poem itself. Well, it is quite interesting title to point up.
The issue you bring up here is about the beauty itself that is not everlasting and it is related to self- appreciation. I actually love the words you use on this part;

When was my countenance reflected,

But make-believe disintegrates

When even the facade is rejected.

So their doubts become my own,

Their poison mine to drink,

In favor of what they think.

They chip away at me,

I love this. It's so subtle, yet powerful because it grips you in and you can't help but relate. The last line is especially affective, like the last punch in the poem.
When I started reading I was going to suggest put your work into stanza's but I think it works well as just a simple outpouring of emotion (unless you were planning to put stanza's in but the formatting got messed up – in which case thats easy to fix).
I think overall, it's beautiful and subtle, and relates a unique message which people can still get pulled into. It's really great. Keep writing!