Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for violence.
Pain and guilt. The only emotions I seem to feel nowadays apart from the occasional numbness. Jamming my fingers down my throat after bingeing, slashing the razor blade across my skin, my own fist crashing against my jaw and sending me reeling back from the force. Ripping the scabs from my skin as I give into the impulses to pick and watching the blood bead and well.
Endless self-torment.
The voice will always be there, whispering at the back of my mind, ready to rip me to shreds with every single small flaw I possess. The small flaws that have become deadly and miniature weapons. Weapons that slowly eat away at me, acid dissolving the small broken fragments of my sanity that I desperately cling onto day after day after day.
"You did this to yourself, Ariel. You brought this upon yourself. You are the one who destroyed everything good that you had."
Endless self-torment.
The punishments, or self-reprimanding, as I like to call them. The slaps across my cheeks and the punches that collide with my jaw to make up for the pain I bestowed upon others, the havoc that I wreaked, reminding me of the true monster that I am. A monster with a broken and tortured soul.
"You obliterated your friendships. You burned all the bridges that you had. No one else is to blame. Only you, Ariel, you."
Watching them as they turned their backs on me one by oneand my pleading, desperate apologies as I tried to cling onto them once my emotions became too powerful for them to handle. Too powerful for me to keep under my own control. Curling into a ball as I clutched my head in my hands and letting the sobs rack through my body, the tears pouring down my cheeks as they became phantoms, nothing more than memories.
Endless self-torment.
The inability to move on, to win against the guilt that slowly tears strands of my body away. I have become a prisoner of my own mind. My pain has become the metal bars that prevent me from escaping the high walls of guilt that surround my shattered and collapsed world. The remnants of my sanity is the feeble golden sunlight that clambers through a tiny window from above, far from the limits of my reach.
"You are nothing. You are worthless. You don't deserve to live."
The images come: me standing at the edge of a tall building with my arms stretched out and my eyes closed, ready to leap off; rivulets of deep red blood flowing from my wrists; a knife plunged into my stomach and blood dripping from my mouth as I collapse to the ground, gurgling as I die.
Endless self-torment.
Their faces, filled with pain, the pain that I unleashed upon them. Pain from my emotions, the emotions that I couldn't control. The emotions that destroyed my friendships, the same emotions that hold me prisoner within my own mind. The guilt. The pain. The numbness. The periods of muteness. The emotions that command my mind and rip it to shreds with every opportunity, plaguing me with pain and consuming me with guilt.The inability to forgive oneself, racking me with a guilt and pain that never seems to end.
Endless self-torment.
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137,583 Literary Works • 672,048 Reviews
Sphealwithit here....
Wow. This is amazing. It's really powerful emotionally. The language and descriptions are spot on and it really feels as if you know this feeling well (not to pry or anything)
I enjoyed reading this. The subject matter is dark and the images are very well developed. If you shortened the passage a little it wouldn't seem to drag on as much but apart from that there wasn't anything else I could see that was wrong with it.
Keep up the good work
Sphealwithit out.............
..........
This is a powerful work- with a strong emotional pull into it. From the never ending echo of "Endless Torment" that drives the person insane, it is well done. I love how you say what he/she does to himself, as a result of the voice- to punish themselves. I also love how you described it as:
This is nicely done, and it is one of more emotional segments that I read in this. It is well
This, I say honestly, is not something that I enjoyed reading or liked very much. Not that it wasn't interesting, but there was one major problem that really irked me.
This short is very, very dark in it's subject mater, meaning, and descriptions. This isn't bad, I myself actually like dark things, but there was no light at the end of the tunnel, and no explanation as to why it was so dark, except that there's lots of self torture for past mistakes. The point of writing is to get other people to read and like your work, even if they do because it's depressing. But people like that little bit of light that makes things realistic.
As the writing goes, it's good until you hit the third time you say Endless self-torment, then it starts to just get repetitive. I kept thinking, "I know there's pain and torture and you did some things wrong, you don't have to say it again, and again, I know." This was where I was turned off.
My suggestion would be to shorten it, and put that little bit of light in there to make it flow better.
Hope this helped.
Thank you TaciturnPhantom!