Feelings that were left, they still cherish the memory of you,
I still care, I do. Feelings that were left, they still care too.
Even if I forget, they will not, and my heart will not too.
The heart that was left still cherishes the memory of you.
---
I've heard about you, about the trouble you went through.
I still care, I do. Feelings that were left, they still care too.
Can I help you? Can I know how you are doing?
Can I do something? Please answer me...
---
Feelings that are waiting, they still cherish the memory of you,
They care, I care, and we do care. We will wait...
Even if time runs out, we will not run out.
We that are waiting, we still cherish the memory of you.
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138,711 Literary Works • 672,251 Reviews
Hi, Eucalyptusjoos here! This is my first time reviewing one of your poems, So I'm very excited for it. Let's get to it!
For the first stanza, I suggest sectioning the first two lined properly so that the rhyming matches up better, for reader clarity.
I like how you've made the "feelings" here to have a mind and will of their own. You may forget your love but your love will never forget who they were.
I like both personification of the "heart" and the "feelings".
"I've heard about you, about the trouble you went through.
I still care, I do. Feelings that were left, they still care too.
Can I help you? Can I know how you are doing?
Can I do something? Please answer me..."
Even after parting, we humans have a tendency to keep tabs on people we once thought about day and night. We long to check up on them, to retrieve that connection we once had even if there are no romantic feelings to boost it.
"Feelings that are waiting, they still cherish the memory of you,
They care, I care, and we do care. We will wait...
Even if time runs out, we will not run out.
We that are waiting, we still cherish the memory of you."
For the narrator, those feelings ae not so easily gone. All they loved once, they love till now too. I like how you've differentiated your sense of self from you feelings but they still seem to be in concord in regards to how you feel about that 'special person'.
Time can run out but these feelings will last. You may never come back to us, but whatever we have of you, we will cherish forevermore.
I love the repetition of both words and phrases you've used here to create a resounding, echoing sensation.
Good job! <333
Thank you very much for your review and impressions of the poem
Hai :3
The image really caught my eye!! This is so tender and aching!! I love how this poem treats feelings as something separate from the speaker, like even if the speaker tries to move on or forget, the emotions themselves remain loyal. That’s such a beautiful and painful idea, and it's fitting for how emotional moments tend to stick with us long into our futures. It feels like love after distance, or care that has nowhere to go anymore, so it waits quietly in the body. So so lovely!!
I really love the repetition here!! “Feelings that were left” makes the emotions feel abandoned, but they're not dead to the speaker. Like they were set down somewhere and kept living without the speaker’s permission. That is SO sad in such a soft way. The phrase “I still care, I do” is also really sincere ~~ It has this pleading quality to it, like the speaker is trying to convince both the other person and themselves, but it's not necessarily working as they intend.
This is such a good emotional thesis for the poem!! The heart remembers even when the mind doesn’t. I love that conflict between memory and feeling, because sometimes grief/love works exactly like that. You can lose details, but the ache stays. It's fitting for how the speaker tends to ruminate and relive these little experiences with this other person, like they can't help but remember what happened and the choices they made up until that moment.
^^^ Tiny wording thought: “my heart will not too” sounds a little awkward. Maybe “my heart will not either” or “my heart won’t forget too” could smooth it out. The sentiment is already very clear, though!!
!!!! This part hurts
The questions feel so vulnerable because the speaker is not asking for love back, necessarily. They’re asking for access/the ability to return to this person in the way they once did, like a chance to help or to know them again. “Please answer me...” is so simple, but it carries so much loneliness ~~ The ellipsis makes it feel like the speaker is waiting in real time, like the silence after the question is part of the poem... That's so powerful to me!!
This is such a sweet line!! I like how the speaker merges with their feelings here. Earlier, the feelings were separate from the speaker, but now it becomes “we.” That makes the ending feel more whole, like the speaker has accepted that this care is part of them. I always love when a poem has inclusionary language like that because it puts me as a reader into the shoes of the speaker, which is especially perfect for what this poem is trying to do with memory.
^^^ I do wonder if you could add one specific image or memory somewhere in the poem. Right now, the emotion is very clear, but it stays mostly abstract: feelings, heart, memory, care, waiting, etc. What is one thing the speaker remembers? A place? A voice? A small habit? Why should it matter that they remember anything at all? Even one physical, concrete detail could make the care feel even more personal and devastating for readers.
What a lovely ending!!
“Even if time runs out, we will not run out” is such a strong idea. It makes care feel endless, like something that exists outside time ~~ I also like the slightly formal sound of “We that are waiting,” because it gives the ending a gentle, almost dream-like feeling. It has the feeling of a letter that was written but maybe never sent, full of care, worry, longing, and patience. I really love the personification of the feelings, and the way the poem slowly moves from “they” to “I” to “we.”
Overall, this is such a soft and sincere poem!! I love how it grounds the reader into the relationship dynamic, like we are one with the speaker/their feelings. Beautiful work, SylvanusGrace!! ^_^
- Payton
Thank you for your review and for the suggestions. And I'm really glad that you shared your personal impression of the song
...your personal impression of the *poem. Writing mistake, sorry
I really love this and I think the picture you used as the cover matches the poem perfectly!
Thank you, spottedpebble, for your kind comment