Hello Hello, I hope you don't mind me popping in with a quick review. I will quickly apologize if this isn't as in-depth as I normally do. I can't really find too much that really needs to be pointed out. The themes were really interesting and helped provide a more melancholy tone. on top of that, I feel the use of repetition was very effective giving the end a nice impact.
The only thing I might point to edit is one line. "it grows and dies, it shines, and then it's dark." Now I am not a grammar pro but I would try to avoid using and twice so back to back like that. As it could come off as natural and mess up the flow of the poem. Here's what I would do, to help smooth it out just a tad." it grows and dies, it's dark, then shines."
To me flipping the words carries the same type of cadence while also hinting that our life and even time is based on change. We know in many cases that it's day because the sun rises and likewise we know it's night when the sun sets. It's one big cycle like life and death. However, that's just my thoughts you by no means have to listen or take them into account.
Keep writing and remember to drink water.
Points: 5201
Reviews: 62
Donate