Textbook Love Affair (Teach Me)

The minimalism of this is great. It feels kinda... atmospheric. Like a The 1975 song, although it might not sound like it vocally. However, songs like this usually only work with the accompaniment of great instrumentals which block out the simplicity of the lyrics themselves. Also, the form could use a big rehaul - there's no sign of a chorus, a bridge, verses... which you do kinda need. The lack of these critical formal aspects - arguably, what makes a song a song - make this read more like a poem. I can't imagine any rhythm going with it.

The lack of punctuation, accompanied with the sudden onsets of caesura, make it feel a little disjointed too. Punctuation is vital in lyrics; a well placed comma can often tell a reader where the rhythm is without them even needing to hear the song accompanying it. My last niggling issue is the use of the word 'crayon.' It makes the student involved sound very... young. Which kinda creeps me out.

Hey there, Sylar. My name's Scarlett and I'm here to review your lyrics.

First off. AAAAAH. Where are you verses? The chorus? Gah! It's a big mess. I can't distinguish which is what and that's going to make reading this and reviewing it difficult. Sorry, but it's like a poem without stanzas. How are people supposed to know when to stop and start, which sections to repeat, etc, etc? My first suggestion is to set it out better. All we have is line after line with no context on where in the lyrical structure it's supposed to be. This is very much not helpful.

Okay. Deep breaths. Let's see if I can decipher this! (I suggest taking a long at lyrics online or at other lyrics posted on YWS. You should be able to find a nice example of lyrics that are set out to be readable. Like this, I cannot comprehend where everything should be, and I haven't even started reading this properly yet!) Unless this is a rap song, please label your verses and chorus--and even then, rap has verses. Okay, I'll stop ranting and actually review this now. XD

Alright. I really can't make sense out of this. It reads more like a poem than song lyrics. And where is your punctuation? There is punctuation in song lyrics sometimes, and it helps immensely to know where to pause and how to say it, and when and where to stress a word. Lyrics are an art form. Don't just write a bunch of lines and leave out the structure. That really doesn't help anyone. Right now, my brain hurts trying to see how this would by sung, and I'm failing.

Maybe it's just how I read lyrics, or maybe my brain is broken, but I really can't tell where you want the singer to pause or if there's even verses. Is this supposed to be sung all in one breath? That would be ridiculous. The singer would turn blue! I'm sorry if I'm sounding harsh or anything! I'm also not saying you shouldn't write lyrics. I'm merely suggesting that you implement a structure here so the lyrics are easier to read.

As for the actual content of the song? I like it. It's an interesting theme. I like the imagine you've presented, although it seems to be lacking something. I'm sure what that is yet, but I'll let you know if I ever figure that out! And, uhm, that's about it, so just remember; keep it up and never stop writing!

~Scar. <3