Roll the credits
Because we’ve had fun
Good times and bad times
But we only live once
We met when we were little
Just look at us now
Time has changed and so have we
Shut the curtain take a bow
Who would’ve known we’d fall in love
When we went ice skating that day
Now we’re kissing and laughing and watching the doves
Fly high in the sky
As the sun just shines
Hope he's enjoyed it
Coz I've enjoyed mine
We’ve had a good day
Roll the credits
Life has been fun
I love going on rides with you
Adventures in the sun
We like to talk for hours
And cry a lot of tears
But inside jokes and sharing cokes
At the movies take away my fears
That’s right life is a movie
And it’s time to be done
Turn it off roll the credits
It was a fun one
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,635 Literary Works • 673,572 Reviews
Hey, Sylar! cleverclogs here to review!
This was really nice. I liked the sentimentality of it, and I also got a bit of a bittersweet vibe from it. There are really only two things for me to critique:
1. Punctuation. I know this is a song, and so the singer will sing it however the melody goes, but we as readers still like to see punctuation. It makes it more complete in our minds. ChocolateCello touched on this with that one line, but I'd like you to take that several steps further and punctuate the poem wherever it's appropriate. Just don't let it degrade into comma confetti, because that's no fun.
2. This doesn't feel like a song to me. It's more like a poem than anything. The definition of "song" is definitely fluid, but to me, a song needs to have a chorus that repeats a few times. It's what makes it catchy. So I'd recommend adding some sort of chorus, and putting this more into the structure of a song.
3. Okay, I guess there were three things to critique. This would be cool if you split it up into stanzas and whatnot. You can bring the lines closer together by hitting "shift" with "enter" when you go to make a new line in the publisher, and then you can split it up. I think it would look better that way.
Overall, this is a really great poem, but that's its main problem. It needs to be more of a song, in my opinion. Keep up the awesome work!
Thanks and I just made a demo of it which I promise sounds like a song. Once we actually record it I'll put a link up
Yeah, that's the problem with posting lyrics. They're not really meant to be read. I'm sure I'll slap myself in the head and wonder how I ever felt like wasn't a song after hearing it, though
Hey! ChocolateCello here! Happy review day!
I really liked this, it was a good story and (Even though I read it as a poem oppose to a song) the flow all worked out nicely.
Punctuation on the second to last line would be nice though.
Add a comma, period, or semicolon between 'off' and 'roll'.
I really liked how you kept the the theme and didn't throw in any metaphors or similes that didn't relate to 'life is a movie'. The consistency really made the song great.
Sorry, this review was rather short, but there wasn't a lot to edit and I always find it hard putting praise into words.
Keep up the good work!
-ChocolateCello
(Oh! Wait! Change that "cos" to a " 'cause")
One thing I'm always interested in knowing when I read lyrics posted on YWS is what kind of beat, what kind of music goes behind it, the chords or melody, or maybe a sample. I wish we had a way to communicate these things universally outside of performance videos and audio recordings.
That said, if you have chords in mind for how this goes, I'd love to see them so I can get an idea for the melody.
As far as the lyrics themselves go, the biggest issue is the occasional forced or cliche rhyme. The one that sticks out the most is tears/fears. That's just been done to death ever since Evanescence hit the top 100 with My Immortal. Likely even before then, but still. That's what I always get thrown back to when I see THAT particular rhyme.
Otherwise, you have a solid thing going on here. There's an evolution of plot, there's a feeling of nostalgia and appreciation of the graduation of life and all our experiences--and even though there's a little disconnect between movies and stage performances (a la curtains) to me, it all ties together well.
All-in-all, I get a sort of All Time Low vibe from this. I'd love to know your thoughts. >:]
Peace,
Ty
Thank you! The song sounds more Smiths. Once we record it I'll put a link up.
Hi I'm Ty7lucky I'm new. I liked your song and how you referred to life as a movie. The idea of friends becoming a couple was nice. And I liked how you had repetitive phrases, some songs I've heard don't have lines repeat. Thank you for reading. Ty7lucky.
Thanks!