That morning we got up early to catch the carige that Hunter had sent, it was quite nice and had room for all five of us. The coach didn’t really seem to like us but other then that the ride was quite pleasant especially once we crossed the line into Fairbing, the land was covered in flowers and the trees were so big around they were houses and it was hard to take it all in.
I had decided that I was keeping my powers off all day because with the amount of people and emotion that would be in one building, it would be way to much for me.
Amir kinda shrugged everything off when we arrived but then again he grew up here, and he didn’t have the best experience with it so I didn’t blame him.
As soon as we arrive and step out of the carige I feel so tall, I’m not short but I’m also not all that tall but being around so many fairies each of whom are shorter than me made me feel like a giant.
I had always thought Amir was short but compared to other fairies he was tall. We waded through crowds of people. It was a sea of dark blue wings with some other colors sprinkled in, all their thin dainty wings made mine look even bigger. It made me really uncomfortable.
~
When we finally arrived at the front I was ready to punch the next person who hit my wings out of their way instead of asking me to move.
There was a formally dressed man and woman standing at the front checking a list, when it’s are turn they look us up and down most likely because unlike almost every other guest we are not fairies.
“Mr. Amir nice to see you,” the man nods and checks the list “and I assume these are your companions Morgan,Jolene,Lena, and Jonathan?” He asks reading off are names
“Yes they are Mr.Celien,” Amir nods, the man looks up from the list
“Well then you may take one companion to the front where your seat will be labeled along with a guest seat and the other three must sit elsewhere,” he explains,
“Okay, come on to the front,”Amir smiles, lacing his fingers with Jonathans and leading him inside.
“Well then, ma’am I would much appreciate it if you would sit in the back. The same goes for you,” he says looking from me to Morgan.
We both shrug and we all walk in.
Me and her take some of the last seats in the back while Lena walks closer to the front taking a seat between two other guests who didn’t seem all that pleased.
I look over at Morgan who look stunning. She’s wearing a mint green dress that poofed out a little at the waist and went to her knees, she had a beautiful pair of white heels that wrapped along her legs stopping halfway to her knee, a pair of diamond earrings hung from her ears, she had her blonde hair pinned up into a braided bun and behind her ear was a lily.
Morgan looks so effortlessly beautiful as if she was just born to look like a queen.
I was wearing a similar dress but mine was dark purple and went to my ankles, it had gems sprinkled around the skirt, Morgan had fishtail braided my hair with threads of gold, I had my pearl necklace on along with my ruby earrings and I had a Lily behind my ear as well.
Lilies are one of the flowers of the wedding along with roses and marigolds(the family flowers apparently,according to Amir).
“You okay Jolene?” Morgan whispers, turning to me.
“Yeah, just very tight,” I whisper, rolling my shoulders to try to relieve the tension of folding my wings so tightly.
The man sitting next to me turned and looked me up and down, and then glared at my wings as if they were personally annoying him even though they weren’t even touching him.
“Is there anything I can do?” Morgan knew she couldn't do anything about it but it was kind of her to ask.
“Not really but it’s not a big deal this shouldn’t take too long,” I say softly, I shift a little in my seat.
The man glares at me again and the people in front of me turn around and glance back.
I look over at Morgan for reassurance, she gives me a small smile just as the doors are thrown open.
First in walks the groom, Hunter looks nothing like Amir, he has dark purple curly hair,dark coffee colored skin, dark blue wings and pale blue eyes.
Next comes a man who looks around hunters age, then six girls each in pairs of two andeach in light pink dresses, then a pair of kids one throwing flowers and seeds that sprouted into flowers and the other had a small cushion with rings.
Then the music begins to play and a woman walks in she was in a stunning empire waist gown the flowed out like a waterfall, her wings are a beautiful pink (It had me wondering if they were naturally that color),her hair was pinned back into a beautiful bun and magnolias in the place of a typical clip.
A older man walks with her down the aisle and leaves her at the altar.
Their vows begin and I can’t help but tear up just a little bit, it made me regret not bringing a handkerchief.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride,” Both of them gladly do so and it seems like they never want to break apart.
~
Not too long after we were sitting in a ballroom at a table with my friends listening to the last speech of the night. Once it was over we were told to go around and talk to people before the meal started.
I noticed that almost everyone had a farish(french) accent, I knew Amir had a bit of a farish accent but not as strong as everyone else's.
I walked around for a little while but the whole thing was kinda stressful, everyone here looked at me strange or just didn’t understand me.
“Hey watch where you going,’ I spin around to see a guy I probably hit with my wing.
“Sorry! I’ve been trying not to hit people!” I apologize but he shakes his head.
“It’s fine sorry about that, I overreacted a little, it's not a big deal,” he smiles, he has a strong english accent and is short with cropped blond hair, brown eyes and blue wings.
“Oh okay, well it’s um… nice to meet you,” I smile and stretch my hand out he takes it.
“Nice to meet you too, may I ask your name,” he smiles and let’s go of my hand.
“My name is Jolene, may I ask yours,” I laugh.
“I'm Nicolas,” he smiles, “so who are you here with?” he asks as he glances around the room.
“Oh I’m here with Amir, Hunters brother,” he nods and looks around again.
“Oh yes, are you his girlfriend?” he ask, I shake my head.
“No,no not at all I’m just his friend,” I laugh nerves creeping into me again.
“Oh well that’s nice! I’ve only met Amir a couple times, odd bloke isn't he?” he seems to ponder this statement but I just shrug.
“Not really, so how do you know Anne or Hunter?” I ask and he beams
“Oh my wife is their cousin,”
We and up talking for a little while before a woman in blue stomps up to us brown hair flying behind her.
“Nick what are you doing talking to this little floozy!” she glares at me as she comes to a stop.
“Pardon me?” I ask a bit taken aback.
“You heard me stop talking to my husband, he’s taken!” I shake my head.
“Ma’am we were just talking about-”
“I don’t care what you were talking about!”
she then begins to lecture me, Nicolas tries to interject but with no avail.
I slowly back away until I just decided to speed walk away trying not to trip on my dress.
I was trying to shuffle around the crowed to get outside but I couldn’t find the damn door, that’s when I run into someone.
“Oh my sorry Morgan,” I apologize and she just shrugs.
“At least I wasn’t coincidentally carrying wine of fruit punch,” she laughs and i roll my eyes “you wanna go outside?” I nod as she leads me away
“True, so how has your night gone?” I ask as we turn down a hall with more people.
“Well someone thought I was a ghost and threw sage at me, and then I had a lovely conversation about dragons with a man who downed almost a whole bottle of what I assume is whiskey through out are conversation,” she smiles fondly and I just laugh “oh also a little girl told me I looked like a princess so she gave me this!” Morgan shows me a cute paper bracelet with badly drawn on jems.
“Aw how cute!” I smile as we finally arrived at the gardens where it was much less crowded.
“Yeah what about you?” she asks as we walk into the grassy area where yet another band played and people danced.
“Well I talked to this one guy but then his wife stomped over told me I was a floozy and then yelled at me, we were just talking about sailing but she didn’t really seem to care,” I laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.
“Well that seems silly,”Morgan laughs, she then gives me a look and I sigh.
“You want me to hold your shoes so you can dance?” I ask and she smiles and grins.
She slips her shoes off and set’s them down by me, Morgan had this thing where if she was going to dance outside she had to take her shoes off. She said it made her feel more free, at one point I just decided to accept that it was just part of Morgan. Kinda like how she can dance like no one in the world could see her but herself, or how kinda like how she could do anything and make it look graceful.
“You wanna dance with me?” she asks with a smile creeping on her face.
“You know I can’t dance,” I laugh, but she shakes her head as she spins over to me.
“Oh I think you can!” she laughs and pulls me onto the floor. “Come on all you have to do is just pretend you know what you're doing, and boom your doing it!” she laughs she spins me around and I laugh.
We dance around until we hear a bell, we walk back inside with the rest of the crowd.
We arrive back in and take a seat at the table we were at last time, Amir and Jonathan were both there, but Lena was nowhere to be found.
Just then Hunter and Anne walk up to the table and take seats, to almost everyone's surprise.
Amir and Hunter look at each other, neither of them say anything until Anne whispers in her new husband's ear.
“Um...hi,” Hunter smiles, Amir doesn’t return the favor “so how have you been?” he asks
“I’ve been doing pretty good, you?” Amirs face doesn’t change he still seems nervous almost.
“I’m doing really good,” Hunter smiles and Anne shakes her head.
“Honey just say what you wanted to say, no need to put it off,” she has a velvety voice that very much seemed to match her, Amir raises his eyebrows.
“I just wanted to apologize,” Amir seems pretty surprised by this, to be fair I kinda was too.
“Really?” Amir asks, I look from him to his brother to Anne.
“I’m just going to go grab something,” Morgan mumbles, I was tempted to walk after her but I assumed she wanted to be alone.
“Yeah, I’m sorry Amir I’ve been wanting to reach out and apologize for a while now,” Hunter’s face falls when he sees Amir who was less than pleased.
“Then why didn’t you?” Amir snaps, Hunter doesn’t respond for a minute.
“Pride I guess, but I really did want to apologize and I still do I’ve been a shitty brother and I know that,” Amir nods, I look over at Jonathan who seemed to be thinking the same thing, should we be here? “And I know it would take some time but if we could do you think we could possibly fix this?” Amir seemed to relax ever so slightly and shrugs.
“Maybe, if your really serious then maybe,”Amir smiles ever so slightly,
“I am and I really don’t know how to say how sorry I am,” I look over at Anne who was nodding.
“What made you change you mide?” Amir asks,Hunter looks over at Anne
“Well that would be Anne, when I met her she really got me to grow up and got me to see how wrong I was,” Hunter smiles as Anne gives a smiles.
“Well that’s good to know, so Anne how did you do it?” Amir asks sarcastically.
“Eh not really sure other than a lot of talking,” Anne shrugs and Amir nods.
Morgan then walks back over and takes her seat again, her eyes were slightly puffy. I raise an eyebrow but she shakes her head.
That’s when the food finally makes its way out, but still no Lena to be found. We start eating and as time goes on everyone eases into conversation.
“So you have a real dragon!” Anne seemed stunned and Hunter seemed just as impressed.
“A miniature dragon but yes her name is daisy, gimme a second let me see if I can find a picture,”
As it turns out her dress has pockets she pulls out a wand a dagger and finally a picture of daisy “isn't she so cute,”Morgan gushes, but Hunter and Anne were looking at the dagger which was in my opinion less dangerous than the wand.
“Um you brought...a knife?” Hunter asks, looking from the knife to Morgan.
“Yeah, why?” she asks, putting everything back in her pockets.
“Well typically you don’t bring weapons to a wedding,” Hunter explains, Morgan shrugs.
To be fair if my sword would have fit in my pocket I would have brought it with me just in case. But it seemed like Hunter did not like having weapons at his wedding.
“Well you know just in case,” Morgan shrugs, me and Jonathan both nod.
“Why did you put it in your pocket I feel like a bag would have worked better,” I suggest,
"Yeah but then I’d have to carry it around and I don’t feel like doing that,”Morgan rolls her eyes as if this was the dumbest things she had ever heard.
“Eh she’s got a point,” Anne adds, Hunter looks at her like she’s crazy.
“So anyway how did you two meet?” I ask stabbing my steak.
“Oh it was actually at a concert for the Bells&Dance,” Anne smiles fondly, Amir laughs.
“What happened to ‘I would never listen to music like that’ that you went on about,” Amir seems to hold back laughter.
“My friend was the one who dragged me to it in the first place,” Hunter lies, I just laugh.
“But you told me you loved the band,”Anne smirks and Hunter just sighs.
We spent the rest of the night talking and I was even introduced to a couple of Anne’s friends all of whom were quite nice. But by the end of the night I was so tired from dancing(which morgan had convinced me to do) and talking to so many new people.
On the ride home I was just barely staying awake, we had also found Lena who found a couple of fairies to hang out with and only found us again near the end of the night.
“I swear I’m never wearing heels again,” I groaned, Morgan just pat’s my shoulder.
“That’s not true, but sure,” I roll my eyes but Morgan just gives a small laugh.
“That’s why I wore flats,”Lena note’s, trying not to gag. Amir sits up and looks over at me.
“Jolene, what time is it?” he asks, rubbing his eyes.
“Eleven thirty, why?” I ask as I glance out this window of the carige.
“It’s late and I’m tired that’s why,” Amir grumbles, rubbing his eyes again.
“Well we’ll be in town in like ten minutes,”
About a half hour, me and Morgan finally made it back to her place. As soon as we walk in we hear a beautiful melody coming from the dining room.
“Is Eleanor still up?” I ask, Morgan just starts walking towards the dining room.
I follow her and I find her standing in the doorway.
Eleanor was playing the piano and when she stopped Morgan clapped.
“Nice job,” Eleanor turns around and smiles.
“Your home late,” She states, and stands up.
“Yeah the party went on longer than we thought,” I mumble, rubbing my eyes.
“Ah, well was it fun?” she asks,
“Yeah it was great but we can talk about it more in the morning,” Morgan smiles, Eleanor just nods.
I was tempted to ask why she was still up but I was too tired to really care right now. We all march up the stairs.
Once I got to my room I threw my shoes on the ground and just flopped out on my bed.
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Hey there! Plume here, with a review! I think I read another part of this and I remember enjoying it, so I'm back, ready to review some more!
I think this was a super cool chapter. I really liked all of your description, and the character actions were really great as well. The way you described the character's outfits was one of my personal favorite parts. I also liked the combination of different events. You really nailed the sorts of interactions that happen at weddings, from the good (Jolene and Morgan dancing together) to the awkward (that whole interaction with Nicolas) and then the tiredness at the end. I feel like all of that was pretty standard for a wedding, and you really captured it perfectly.
One thing I wondered about was your decision to make the wedding much like traditional weddings in our world. I feel like since it's a fairy wedding, you can really take advantage of this fantasy world and make it your own. This is more a stylistic choice, but I just think you could really benefit from making the ceremony a little more unique. When creating culture in fantasy worlds, your canvas is blank. You could honestly do whatever floats your boat, and if you execute it correctly, I'm sure it would be great. It can help make your writing unique and just elevate it to the next level, you know? Again, this suggestion isn't necessary. It's just something to think about.
I was also a little confused about Jolene and what she is. You mentioned she was tall compared to the other fairies, which made it sound like she wasn't a fairy herself, but then you said she has wings. That, combined with the fact that people keep bumping into her wings, make me think that she's some other winged creature. I feel like it would be beneficial if you elaborated on what exactly that creature was. (Though if you already covered it in an earlier chapter you can just ignore this).
Specifics
I feel like it was a little strange when you specified that "farish" meant "french." Again, you're trying to equate stuff in your fantasy world for stuff in the real world, but you have to keep in mind that your characters don't have a scope for that. If you want to convey it as a french accent, think about what a french accent sounds like and use your magical writer powers to describe it using words other than what we think it is. For example, is it lilting? Guttural? Flowy? Breathy? There are a lot of words you can use to describe it.
There are a couple things wrong with this: firstly, you've put apostrophes in verbs, which just... isn't right. It should be "notes" and "sits." Secondly, I think you need to put a period after "gag" since you have a comma splice. Thirdly, you need a comma after "notes," since "trying not to gag" is a dependent clause. These happen quite a lot in your work, so I'd suggest brushing up on your grammar rules.
Overall: nice work! I think you've got some great concepts here, and with a bit of polishing, I know this story will be great! I really look forward to reading more of your work. Until next time!
Thank you for this very kind review, but I really suggest you go back and read my first and second chapter because it will help understand the story better because with out the first and second things are quite a bit more jumbled. But other than that thank you for this kind review! Have a great day! : )
Hi Sunflowerdemon3712,

Mailice back with a short review!
Let's start right away:
You've written a great first paragraph that sets the reader up for the wedding straight away. However, I notice here that it only consists of two sentences and I would split this quoted sentence. Just the information that the coach didn't like the group has nothing to do with the descriptions of what Fairbing and the surroundings look like.
Here is another long sentence that could have been split into two. Also, the "are" here must be "our". (It happens again in the next paragraph).
I'm sorry if this is the same issue I'm picking out here again; but this section is an entire sentence. You have presented some very interesting information for the reader and I like the description as you have made an effort here.
I can't give you a direct tip on how to avoid long sentences as I sometimes write too long myself, but for descriptions it would be good if you divided a person into head area, stomach and arms and legs. Each of these areas could be a sentence (where you could subdivide the head again; hair and ears; eyes and nose; mouth and neck, etc...) where you write about the physiological features or clothing.
For other points where the sentences are too long, I would set myself the rule of thumb:
1. do the points in the sentence belong together? => no? Then write two (or more) sentences.
2. do the points in the sentence belong together => yes? Then it can be in one sentence.
3. can you combine the items in any way? (Example: mood of the person; weather; or long hike = rocks on the road)=> yes? Then try not to write it too long.
I can't say an exact number of words that are too long for a sentence, because if you want to stick to it, you usually get too cramped when writing.
Your dialogues continue to be good and seem convincing. These are the conversations you would hear at weddings. Except for this point, I found nothing wrong with it:
Four times "name" appears in this paragraph, where I think you could take away at least half of it. For example, you could write "I'm called Jolene" or just answer "Nicolas." Currently it reads a bit too formal and doesn't seem as professional either.
Furthermore, there are some grammatical mistakes where I think it is important that you take a break after writing and do something else. Some time (for example one - two hours) later you read over it again and then you find many small mistakes that you can remove. Your head is then clear of the text and you haven't internalised it as much as before. It's similar with dictations at school.
In summary, I can say that there are still some things that could be expanded (the description of the wedding, when Lena was so enthusiastic about it in the previous chapter, you didn't read that much about it), but in general the story has a very unique style. There is nothing to criticise about the dialogues and I really enjoy reading them.
Enjoy the rest of the writing!
Mailice.