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A surprising invitation: pt3 Adventures five

by Sunflowerdemon3712


So I would like to say yes one of the scenes in this is based off the scene in Victorious because I was writing and my sister had it on and I wrote the scene on accident and then I thought it sounded pretty good so I kept it but tweaked it a bit. Anyway as always if you have any ideas for the next quest let me know and I will try and put it in the story! Now have a great day/night bye! (also sorry for a shorter chapter)

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Amir looks quite surprised and looks over the card again as if he couldn’t take in every word the first time.

“I kinda wonder who forced who to invite me,” Amir wonders aloud. “It says it’ll be at that church back home,” Amir shrugs and set’s the letter down.

“Are you going to go?” Jonathan asks, Amir shrugs and picks up the other letter from his brother.

“I have no clue maybe,” he opens the envelope and pulls out a slip of paper “huh wonder if he even wrote this, he really wants me to come to the wedding must be some kind of sick joke,” Amir laughs, anger twisted into it.

“Can I?” I ask, gesturing at the paper, Amir nods.

Dear Amir

I know that me and you don't always see eye to eye on things

But I would really appreciate it if you would join me at my wedding

I won’t ask anything else of you other than seeing you there

I hope that you will at least consider it, and if you do decide to come I would love to introduce you to anne.

Hope to hear from you soon

Hunter

I set the paper down. I hadn’t ever seen Hunter be this nice before, much less actively seek out talking to his brother for anything but ridicule.

“Wow, I never expected that from Hunter,” I looked up at Amir who was looking out the window in concentration.

“Yeah I don’t know why all of a sudden he wants to see me,” Amir seemed genuinely confused. “Maybe I will go. He really seems like he wants me to come,” Amir stares at the letter the faint bit of hope radiating .

“If you want to go I think you should go, worst case scenario you leave early,” Jonathan suggested putting a hand on Amir's shoulder.

“Yeah, not to mention you all would be able to come with me,” Amir says reading the invitation again.

“Oh weddings are always so fun, the dancing and the decorations everything is just so great,” Lena smiles dreamily, Amir nods and pushes his seat back.

“I’ll be back in a minute,”

Not even a minute after he left are food arrives, this time with two waitresses. The one we had originally leaves while the other sticks around.

“Hi, what’s you name?” she asks looking at Jonathan.

“My names Jonathan,” he says taking a sip of his drink.

“Well it’s very nice to meet you, my names Kathrin,” she smiles and twirls her hair around her finger

“Um.. nice to meet you too,” Jonathan smiles

“You know your pretty cute,” she flashes another smile

“Oh...er thank you,” Jonathan looks over at her again

“Would you like to go out with me on saturday?” She asks, I was surprised she asked so quickly I thought people had more conversation before that, but what do I know?

“I have a boyfriend,” Jonathan states, she just laughs

“I don’t see him,” that’s when I look up and see Amir who was standing behind her

“Turn around,” the girl turns around to see Amir who was glaring at her “now you see him,” he smirks, she rolls her eyes as he sits back down,

“Well if you ever get tired of that just let me know cause i’m totally free,” she winks and walks away.

“What a bitch,” Lena mumbles.

I let out a small laugh which almost makes me choke on my coffee. Jonatahn who seemed unfazed by the whole situation just shrugs and stabs a piece of waffle.

“Eh it’s not that big of a deal,” Jonathan shrugs “although it was not nice of her to call you a that,” Jonathan notes and Amir nods.

We were having a really good breakfast the coziness of Betty’s made me feel comfortable, the fire cracked and the raid outside pattered on the roof. We were all laughing and messing around when Betty herself, she’s a kind looking woman with chestnut brown hair tied back into a tight bun pale almost ghost white skin bright purple eyes and dark blue wings(like most fairies wings are).

“Hello, it is so good to see you five I have been wanting to see you,” She says with a smile,

“Hi Ms.Betty can I help you with something,” she gives a small nod

“Yes there is this quest I have been putting off for a while but I really need it to be done,” she sighs “I need a dragon egg,” Lena immediately laughs and and starts coughing

“A dragon egg!” Lena sputters

“Yes a real one,” We all look at her and she just smiles “I’m willing to pay you five sea diamonds for one, and I have a couple maps for you if you want them,” my jaw feels like it was going to hit the table because five sea diamonds that’s like half the amount in the world.

“When do you need it done by?” I ask sitting up straight

“I need it done by July 7th of next year preferably but I could go a little bit longer,” I look around at my mates and they’re all nodding.

That was a good amount of time and for something she was going to give us a map for! We should have this whole thing in the bag. 

“This sounds like a good deal do you have preference for the type of dragon egg?” I ask getting up and walking over to Betty who like most fairies was quite short.

“Not really other then I do not want one from a you know pet dragon that sort of thing, but it would be splendid if you could find a sky dragon,” she smiles, and I nod.

She then set’s a scroll in my hand and she hold out her hand, I quickly scan over the scroll and nod everything seemed to be in order.

I look over at my mates all of whom were nodding and Morgan gave thumbs up

“Okay let’s do it,” I take her outstretched hand and shake it, she smiles and nods.

“Well then it’s settled and along with that your breakfast is on the house,” she smiles and walks away.

I took my seat, I hadn’t really been expecting to take a quest today much less at breakfast but I was pretty excited for this quest. But it did kinda make me wonder why Betty want’s a dragon egg.

By the time we part ways it’s already ten o’clock.

“Hey you wanna swing by your house to pick up some clothes?” Morgan asks as we walk into the marketplace.

“Yeah, I should also probably just check my apartment to make sure nothing got into it,”

My apartment building didn’t have the best animal control so it would be best if I check on my things.

“Okay we can do that, I just have to pick up the paper and some bread,”Morgan explains as she put up an umbrella(which she had bought at a small stand out front) as we walk.

“Okay sounds good,”

After a little while we arrived at my apartment and the woman at the front desk hands me my key which I had left there for safe keeping.

We star up the stairs and when we arrive at my door I go to unlock the door but it’s

already open.

I hesitantly grab the door knob and push my door open only to find my apartment

completely trashed.

The couch was completely over turned cabinets were open and my clothes were all over

and all the drawers were open or completely taken out!

“What the hell?” Morgan walks over to one of the open cabinets, she mumbles a couple of things and turns back to me with a look of worry.

“What?” I ask, my hands start to shake as I pick up a couple pieces of clothing while morgan waves her hand and frowns.

“There’s no detection of animals anywhere,” Just as she says that I pick up a dress and under it is an ink black feather.

I knew it was too big to be a normal birds so I immediately unsheath my sword, Morgan looks over at me and brings out her knife. I hold up the feather as she brings out her staff instead.

“That’s not…” she walks over and takes it from my hand, she murmurs a few words. It glows and she then nods.

We gingerly walk through my apartment there wasn’t anyone there but my things were everywhere.

When we finally reach my room I rush over to my dresser and search through the dawer

and thankfully my mothers box was still there and my fathers time timepiece was there as well, I pick them both up and put them in my pockets.

Morgan helps me pick stuff up (after we take a photograph to bring to the sherif) and fixes a couple of broken

things(with magic of course) and helps me pack my stuff. We quickly rush to the front desk where the woman was sitting reading.

“Can I help you?” she asks sharply in a gravely voice, looking up at us.

“Yes I was wondering if you let anyone into my apartment in the last month or so?” I ask My voice shaking, Morgan rests a hand on my shoulder and I relax a little.

“Gimme a minute,” she gets up and walks over to a huge book and flips through it, she stops on a page and reads through it “no we have not, the last person to enter was you two months ago,” she explains sitting back down.

“Okay thank you, I believe my apartment was broken into,” I explain and she nods

“Did you take pictures?” Morgan hands we the now fully formed pictures. “Oh my yes you should bring this up with the police,”

We thank her and walk out heading for the sheriff's office. I was on the verge throwing up a couple times, my nerves were through the roof how on earth did he know where I live

~

We arrived at the sheriff's office and it wasn’t very busy other than a woman sitting in the conner hands folded in her lap.

“Hello ladies can I help you,” Deputy William asks.

“Yeah my apartment was broken into, and I think it cold have possibly been my brother,” I set the feather down on the table and he examines it.

“Well if that concerns you then we could do an investigation and we could see who’s this is,” he picks up the feather and places it in a small box.

“Could this help you find him?”Morgan asks as she glances around the station.

“Most likely, thank you girls. Is there anything else I can help you with?” We shake are heads and he just smiles. “Well then that’s all I need from you unless you have anything else to tell me,” we both nod and thank him before walking out.

Just as we walk out some hit’s Morgan in the head.

“What on earth!” She looks at the ground to see a raven laying on the ground.

“It’s got a letter,” I pick up the raven carefully and detach the letter.

“Oh give him to me,” Morgan says taking the raven from my hands.

“Oh it’s a letter from Amir, says he’s decided to go to the wedding and he wants us to come,” I read that letter carefully again as to not miss anything “and want’s to let us know that his brothers gonna send a carige to pick us up the day of,” I explain folding up the letter and shoving it into my bag.

“Okay, well we can message him when we get home but first I want to stop for some bread and a couple other things,”

Me and Morgan ended up walking the market for a while until Morgan decided to go to the park.

We spent the rest of the day walking around the park and talking to a couple of people

and even playing a game of checkers with a woman who claimed to be fortune teller.

Overall it ended up being a great day ending with me and her hanging out at the beach,

despite the cold it was still nice to watch the waves roll in and out like a perfect pattern.

But despite the good day the fear of him knowing where my apartment was lingered in

the back of my mind.


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Sat May 08, 2021 12:52 pm
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Sunflowerdemon3712,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

I haven't read the first parts so I hope I'm not noticing anything that was already mentioned in the last parts then. Looking it up later I also noticed that there is no part 1 or am I mistaken? :D

"I kinda wonder who forced who to invite me,"


As always, I'm no expert when it comes to English grammar, but I think the sentence sounds a bit weird, with the double who. I know what you're trying to say, but isn't there some other way to paraphrase it? "I kind of wonder who managed to force the person to invite me." That would have been my idea, but it doesn't sound that great either... Or can't you just put the name of the person? Since it's about a wedding invitation, I already assume that you at least know the happy couple.

"Oh weddings are always so fun, the dancing and the decorations everything is just so great," Lena smiles dreamily, Amir nods and pushes his seat back.


I would add some more things here that Lena could say, because it comes across to me as if she wants to say more than just dancing and decorations, (food, drinks, etc...).

I like the dialogues very much. Except for one short section where I thought it seemed a bit artificial (the dialogue between Jonathan and Kathrin), they were well formulated and I can imagine people talking to each other like that. You can distinguish a little bit who is speaking, which is also good.

I really like the setting, which is a bit like a realistic fantasy world, and yet it has to do with something everyday (the wedding). Combined with the dialogue, it makes for a great story.

If this was already mentioned in the previous chapter, I'm sorry to mention it here; but I found from one point to another there were many new characters. It suddenly seemed a bit overloaded and I would have liked to know a bit more background about them. At the moment they all seem a bit like a blank sheet of paper.

I also found that there was a lack of descriptions of the places. I felt there was a missing tangibility in the dialogues and the interactions between the characters. Since I had lost track of the characters, I found it all the more difficult to imagine exactly where they were.

It would also be important to create the right connection so that the plot doesn't get bogged down. For example, it would be great if you were describing something (a room) and someone reached for a book while speaking and noticed a picture or something similar. That gives the action a certain atmosphere and also builds up tension, because you get to know a bit more about the person.

Occasionally there is a lack of capitalisation or incorrect punctuation, which can be quickly ironed out if you read over it again. I also noticed that a few times there is a your instead of you're or want's instead of wants or a name is spelled a little wrong.

I liked that the story focused mainly on the dialogue, which was good considering the number of characters, so that everyone gets a chance to speak. I also found that the plot moved along at a great pace, which also gave the story a nice reading flow. My comments aside (and if this has already been mentioned in the previous chapters, I'm sorry) I thought it was a lovely story. :D

Have a great rest of your writing!

Mailice.





Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain'.
— Michael McClary