Hello there Sunflowerdemon3712! Incoming review!
This has been in the green room for a while and I thought I should review it! I'm not the best with reviewing parodies, but I'll do what I can.
So I looked up the lyrics and I can see there has been a fair amount of changing. I think that's great because the original lyrics are pretty repetitive. I'm just going to talk about general surface level stuff because I see the previous review delved deeper. Here we go.
With the last line I just think it's too wordy with the other "second" line being shorter. Because it's a lyrical piece, and I try to hum the lyrics in a rhythm, it doesn't connect well. I think you can remove the "Oh my god." It's s little unnecessary and it makes the flow better.Eyes brow dark and romantic but she’s going down like the titanic
Don’t mind her she’s starting to panic cause her romantic is leaving her for somebody younger
Eyes blue like the atlantic but he’s going down like the titanic
Oh my god stop being dramatic your going into a panic and either way you should have enjoyed it
I like the use of hazel and dynamic for "he" pronoun eyes. It really brings more personalities into the song than were in the original.Eyes hazel, sweet and dynamic but he’s going down like the Titanic
Isn't it funny how you were defeated but somehow it’s not concrete any more
Eyes black, mysterious and magic but they’re going down like the Titanic
Please dear your I think that it’s serious your becoming delirious I miss the way that you use to be
The line, "Mysterious and magic" can be conjoined like, "Mysterious; magic," to keep the flow nice. I also see a small typo in the last line. I'm sure it's supposed to be, "Please dear you think..."
The first "she's" should have an apostrophe. But the line that I liked the most was, "We watched as she help us at all costs but now we lost her to the sea of depression." It really shows the struggle of many depressed people, trying to help others to keep their mind's occupied but they get lost, either to isolation or worse.Eyеs grey, soft and metallic but shes going down like the Titanic
We watched as she help us at all costs but now we lost her to the sea of depression
Eyes amber, warm and dramatic but she’s going down like the Titanic
I think that it is fantastic that you completely ignored her till she crossed that thin border
I see in the green line, you switch to first person to make everything more personal. And rainbow eyes I can see having two different meanings. First of which is pride, different eyes having different views of people. And the other can be a combination of all the different eyes colors in the world.Eyes green, quite the enchantment but I'm going down like the Titanic
I hate the way that you handle how people feel and that is why my friends aren’t here and I just want to be near them again
Eyes rainbow, proud and fantastic but were going down like the Titanic
We’re only allowed to be ourselves one month of the year with out cowering in fear.
But now you know that we are here we won’t won’t let fear be the one that dives are motives cause we are so much more than the person we care for
Well that's all have for today! I hope you found some of this useful! I really enjoyed reading this re-make of a repetitive song and you brought so many more perspectives into it! Have a great day! Anyway byeeeeeeeeee<3
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