Mind in the Sky

by StoryWeaver13

  • Poetry
  • Lyrical

Published February 12, 2010

In Trash Bin

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Mind in the sky,
My head in the clouds.
They tell me to come back,
To keep my feet on the ground.
But why should I try
To be like the rest
With all the world
Weighing hard on my chest?
Mind in the sky,
Heart to the free,
For I've opened a world
Of pure fantasy.

Comments & reviews · 4
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winie603
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winie603 commented Comment · Feb 12, 2010

No prob! If you ever need some critiques I'm just a PM away :D
winie*

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StoryWeaver13
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StoryWeaver13 commented Comment · Feb 12, 2010

Winie--

Thanks so much for the advice!!! I LOVE getting help on this stuff, so it really means a lot. I like a lot of your ideas, and I agree that I need to make some changes (it was kind of an improv. :wink: ) and I totally didn't know what to do to improve it. You have no idea how much this kind of thing helps me, so thanks again!!!

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winie603
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winie603 wrote a review Review · Feb 12, 2010

Don't we all? XD Specially in math class...well, cute read! I don't really have much to say besides its cuteness, but you might find these pointers helpful (I hope!)

-"Heart to the free, For I've opened a world Of pure fantasy." The best part, until "pure fantasy" came along. Choose something more..different? I don't know, pure fantasy just doesn't seem right. Oooh! Maybe change pure fantasy to dreams, but it's your poem so you choose!

-I think the title could do a bit of experimenting, creativity is key! XD I like "Dream Sky" but again, your choice!

-"They tell me to come back, To keep my feet on the ground." These lines were cleverly put so that they tied in with your poem ( I know that wasn't a critique, I just wanted it to be stated :D)

OVERALL

Well done and keep the poems coming! Like I said, I don't have much to say but CUTE! PM me for some serious critiques,
winie



For in everything it is no easy task to find the middle ... anyone can get angry—that is easy—or give or spend money; but to do this to the right person, to the right extent, at the right time, with the right motive, and in the right way, that is not for everyone, nor is it easy; wherefore goodness is both rare and laudable and noble.
— Aristotle