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It Makes Her Beautiful

by inktopus


her shoulders are pale

with freckles dotting them like stars

i trace them with my fingers

but she pushes me away

embarrassed at her imperfections

but i call them her perfections

they make her beautiful

her thighs are smooth

sprinkled with soft hairs

i stroke them with a hand

but she pushes me away

embarrassed at her lack of care

but i call her confident

it makes her beautiful

her hair is coarse

with early silver strands

i comb it with my fingers

but she pushes me away

embarrassed at her age

but i call her wise

it makes her beautiful

my neck is dark

with birthmarks ravaging it like a battlefield

she touches it with her hands

but i push her away

embarrased at my imperfections

but she calls them unique

they make me beautiful


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624 Reviews


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Thu Mar 09, 2017 10:10 am
Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, Cloud! Casanova here to do a review for you! I'll be taking this stanza by stanza, so I hope you don't mind! To the review!

her shoulders are pale

with freckles dotting them like stars

i trace them with my fingers

but she pushes me away

embarrassed at her imperfections

but i call them her perfections

they make her beautiful


Okay, first thing's first. The extra white space between the lines. Use shift key + enter to get rid of that, or shift key + back space if you've copied/pasted the lines. Anyway, onward

Anyway, the first part of this stanza I really enjoy, then you get to the perfections part and it seems like you're listing too much. I would try something like,"But she pushes me away/to her they're imperfections/but to me they're her perfections- they make her beautiful" or something of the kind. Listing can really harm your message if done incorrectly, and so can narration. I would suggest reworking that. Anyway, onward.

her thighs are smooth

sprinkled with soft hairs

i stroke them with a hand

but she pushes me away

embarrassed at her lack of care

but i call her confident

it makes her beautiful


Here I find your repetitive way of saying,"she pushes me away," a bit distasteful? Like, it's a new stanza, I want to see something new. Like, you've already established she doesn't like her physical appearance, why not go into more emotional depth with it? Like, how she feels, what she sees, what she thinks. Things like that. You could cut the repetitive parts of this and lose practically nothing from the poem, in my opinion. But it's completely up to you. Anyway, onward.

her hair is coarse

with early silver strands

i comb it with my fingers

but she pushes me away

embarrassed at her age

but i call her wise

it makes her beautiful


I think I'm going to stop this here and just give an over view.

You seem to be focusing on repetition here, and physical attributes. When you do so multiple times, it really takes away from the story/emotion. I would say start describing emotion, start describing the scene, and let the story play out through emotion and description besides listing, repetition, and physical attributes. If you ever need help, don't hesitate to message me over the discord chat! I'd be glad to help you with anything you might have questions on.

Anyway, I think this was a decent poem idea that could use some brushing up.

I think that's all I have to say on that one, and I hope it helped.

Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.

Your friend, Matt




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Tue Jan 24, 2017 10:01 am
MeAndMyThoughts wrote a review...



Hello there. I will try to review as good as I can.

As already said by others this poem has a really good overall meaning—our body characters which are different from others or not so good don't make us any less than others, they make us unique. And our uniqueness is our beauty. The poem was simple but true and powerful. I really liked reading it, even though I like poems which rhyme, but this one had a tender tone to it. I also loved the way you showed that how you accepted each others' uniqueness. I liked the way you presented the poem as a scene. Just want to say that punctuation is lacking, but still the meaning is clear. Overall a great poem.




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Mon Jan 23, 2017 1:21 pm
Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Nikayla here for a review!

So this is an interesting poem in the fact that it focuses on someone's considered-to-be-flaws which we find out later in the poem that they're the speaker's. Nonetheless, let's jump right into the review. The poem does a bit of an interesting flip with the last stanza but I found in the last line that it felt a little self-absorbed, or at least I can see it coming off that way. I know that it's a poem about self-love and I do enjoy the subject matter that you have to offer on this, but you only really talk about self-image in this. Instead of just physical features, I would have liked to see more about this other girl's personality as well as physical appearance being told that it's beautiful.

I think there can be ways that you can miss the message of the poem on this by calling things that literally aren't good about the person such as if they have a really bad temper and tend to hit things beautiful. I don't think that this would be the case for this poem as you seem to have a good hold on the topic and you portray it well. The imagery is probably the strength of the poem, with all of the details that you give off about this girl.

I actually enjoyed the structure that you had for this poem but at points it does feel a little stale, but you do a good job at spicing it up in different places. It works for what it is though I do think a stronger focus on who this girl is in relation to the reader and clarity on that would be good. I didn't know if she was old or young, because she had silver strands of hair which is something that made her seem old. I thought that it could be the speaker's mother, but I wasn't quite sure on it. At first glance, I thought it was the speaker writing to herself but that doesn't seem to really be the case.

This works for what it is. I hope I helped and have a great day!




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Mon Jan 23, 2017 4:56 am
LaPetitePrincess wrote a review...



This is such an amazing piece. My heart was definitely touched by it. From my understanding, the persona was sharing of the imperfections of his “beloved” and how those imperfections made her beautiful and you ended the piece by sharing the persona’s own imperfections and how he (I’ll assume it’s a ‘he’) learned to accept his own imperfections.

In a time where the standard of beauty is dependent on what society thinks, I believe that this poem speaks such a powerful message of accepting one’s own imperfections for it is these imperfections that make us unique – they make us beautiful. These imperfections are part of what make us who we are.

So, thank you for reminding us that our imperfections make us beautiful.

On the piece itself, I just have only one suggestion: please fix the capitalization and punctuation marks. Other than that, I commend the imagery of the piece. It was descriptive enough to give us a clear picture of what you wanted the readers to see but it also wasn’t too descriptive that would render it boring or tedious to read.

All in all, this was such a beautiful piece. I commend you for this! :) Keep writing!




inktopus says...


Thanks so much for the review. However, the lack of capitalization and punctuation was a stylistic choice; I wanted it to be that way. I'm glad you thought it was good. I just discovered how fun writing poetry is the night I wrote that (last night).





Oh, I hope I didn't offend you then. :( .. We never know how fun something is unless we try it! I look forward yo reading more of your works. Keep it up! :)



inktopus says...


Don't worry, I wasn't offended




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