"Bird," said Aurora.
"Brr," Spirit replied. Her eyes, usually bright as sapphires, dulled with yet another failure.
The white otter, though, wasn't about to give up.
"Gull," she said. "That sort of bird is a gull."
Spirit turned the word over in her mind. Gull. There'd been a black-banded gull on her ship; the crew
treated it as a pet. She'd listened to its talk for hours on end.
"Scriv."
"What did you say?" Aurora had been bending down to retrieve a shell.
She absently turned it over. "Huh. There's a mark here like a little paw."
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Hi Stori
Is this the next bit of the story or is it a bit from later on?
I only ask this as it doesn't fit the last part.
I like this and I can't see anything wrong with it.
midnightread
p.s can you pm me when you post more?
While it might be the case that you actually intend for the writing to be styled like that, I can't help but think you write all your work using Notepad as your writing program and you're too lazy too turn off WordWrap before you copy and paste.
But that's just me.
I don't see what you're trying to convey with this little excerpt except to confuse the reader.
I found no errors on your part, but without any other context, I can't give you my fair opinion on the piece.
So yeah, lol, if you don't give anything for people to critique, they can't critique it, if you know what I mean.
- JaI
Hi Stori. I'm not really sure what to make of this. It's very short and I'm pretty sure it's apart of something bigger. I'm going to try to review this but it may be unhelpful due to the fact that I don't really have much to review
The thing I liked about this was I could feel your characters. Just by the way you wrote the dialogue. Even though I didn't know anything about them I could feel that Aurora was sort of like a motherly figure. And through the little bit here I could tell that something traumatic happened to Spirit. It's good that you were able to portray that through just the tiny bit of wording and the way your characters reacted to things like the recognition of the gull.
I know that was probably unhelpful but PM me if this is apart of something larger, I'd love to read it in full.
~peanut~