The Willow
Christa sat in the swaying crown of the Great Willow. Anyone who knew the quiet young squirrel could tell she was in deep thought: Her tail was curled around her paws, her ears were laid back, and she had a distant look in her eyes.
She was gazing into Crystal Pool. The water reflected starlight as if there were real crystals in its still depths.
A shooting star flashed across the vaults of heaven and caught her wide blue eyes. She didn’t believe in omens, but this was special.
“Oh, look! Christa’s got her head in the sky again!” Ripples appeared on the surface where a stone landed.
Mara the otter. Mara the troublemaker. Christa forgot about her musing.
How dare she? “Mara, why did you do that? Didn’t you see that shooting star?”
The otter shrugged. A thin, honey-colored streak on her jaw shifted. “Anyway, it's gone now.”
Christa was furious. “You make it seem like it’s nothing!” she ranted. “Open your eyes, why don’t you?” Then she turned her back.
“Here, what’s all this?” It was Tirian, the oldest raccoon on Pearl Island.
Both of them started talking at once. “She disturbed me just when-” began Christa.
“I was minding my own business,” Mara said.
“One at a time!” Tirian interrupted, pointing to Christa. “You first, miss.”
Faltering, she began to explain. “Well, there was a shooting star. A meteor. I was watching it, and along came Mara with some remark about my head being in the stars.”
“Young ones these days. A shooting star is a rare sight, and not something to argue about. Now, Mara, have you anything to say?”
Mara shook her head.
The old raccoon sighed. “Now, shake paws and make up.” They did, if a little awkwardly.
“Sorry,” Mara whispered. “Maybe we could do some stargazing together.”
“I would like that,” Christa replied. “The Festival of the Moon would be perfect.” With that, they parted company- the squirrel heading towards the forest, the otter to the river.
Tirian looked up at the skies. “Lord Above,” he whispered, “this is a good thing you have done. I think in time to come those two will need each other’s strength.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Festival Night
Three nights later the full moon cast its light on the islanders gathered beside the sea.
All of them were silent.
An otter named Talan was the first to break the spell.
"Old Luna looks fine tonight," he said.
An impatient young mouse piped up. "She won't move any faster
with us watching." There were murmurs of agreement.
Christa smiled; she knew what they were thinking. "Tirian, d'you think it's time?"
Tirian gave the mouse a wink. "Aye, on the gift exchange, I say!"
There followed a hearty cheer. Everyone sought out friends and family.
Hey there Stori, I'm here to review your story!
Okay, now down to business.
*laugh track*
Sorry, couldn't resist.
Do squirrels really have blue eyes? Or is this an anomaly that's normal in your world?
I'd like to know that he's a raccoon a little earlier. Leaving it as just a vague "creature" is too frustrating for me. I have no idea what to picture as he's talking.
Wasn't Christa in the tree, and Mara by the water? Let's hear about Christa climbing down to shake paws.
Typo, I figure, but just wanted to point it out to you.
That's all! I think you've got an interesting start here, and I'd like to read more. Please PM me when you post the next part!