You Reap What You Sow.

I really like this poem but I have a few suggestions. Maybe separate into different stanzas? It feels too 'in your face' if you know what I mean. It feels like it needs to take a break that's a little bigger than just a comma or full stop.
But otherwise I think you have a wonderful grasp on poetry and will be looking out for more from you

Wow. Are you an assassin ? Or Death? It was beautiful. I'm picky when it comes to poetry, so to wow me is hard. It was sad, beautiful... Everything that a poetry writer needs and has. Lots of people try hard to be a poetry writers, and good ones at that. You don't need classes, you have it already!!! I hope to see more of poems like this in the future, my talented friend.
Wholesomereader

Hey there Nether! Well I'm a pretty picky person when it comes to poetry, so I'll forewarn that I may be a bit of a critic.

You don't maintain your rhyme scheme well, sometimes choosing to utilize it and sometimes ignoring it completely. When you dismiss the rhyme so suddenly the entire rhythm of the poem is thrown off as a result. Try to find a rhyme that you can maintain, and ensure that it progresses well and retains a solid sense of metre.

Conceptually this has some promise, but it fails to say anything unique with your very limited imagery or depth. Try to really find some way to bring the reader in, to utilize every sensory image you can to allow us to empathize with your statements. This can be difficult, particularly when you're struggling to keep up a rhyming pattern, but it's crucial that your poem is able to stand out among the crowd. Be sure to fabricate a more complex idea as you're writing.

This wasn't a bad poem by any means, but it's also lacking in flair. Try finding your own spin on this, and I think that this could be a great piece.

Keep writing, and best wishes. xxx

I enjoyed this poem.

My favorite aspect as a whole was the use of metaphors compared to the use of very basic understandable lines. As the poem starts the words and/or phrases are basic, telling the reader exactly what the author is thinking, holding nothing back. Then slowly the words begin to become more exaggerated, giving the audience a deepened sense of passion and emotion which drives meaning into words being used. The poem ends with "I can do nothing./I never win", bringing back the basic lines from before. Very well-done.

Rhyme schemes can be used to great effect in poems adding humor, tragedy, bliss or anything else really. Reading "You Reap What You Sow" I felt that the rhyme scheme was a little bit off kilter. The first lines of the poem bring darkness to my mind when I read them and this was mainly (though not solely) because of the rhymes. That being said, the scheme seems to be lost during the rest of the poem. This is perfectly fine during the middle section of poem when you begin to throw metaphors onto the wall, but in my opinion a heightened sense of anger and frustration would be more relevant in the last lines if you simply began using words which sounded similar to each other at the end of lines again.

The greatest and most satisfactory of the poem's standing points was your use of ego and depression throughout.

Keep writing!

I really like this. It was good. I liked the resolution of the poem in particular.
I think the "I feel no regret,/for to feel is to die" lines needed either to be expanded, or simply not included.
I think your use of rhythm could have been more effective, maybe effecting a specific rhyme scheme or structure. I will, however, take into account the formatting error that occurred when you uploaded your poem. I think although there is some continuity/fluidity, sometimes you transfer from point to point a little too quickly. I sometimes had to stop myself to reflect on or remember what your previous idea was.
I enjoyed it though. I think it was good!

Hello!

I really enjoyed reading this poem! It was very good.

'I burn and destroy,

I hate and I kill.

I refuse to show pity

nor mercy, nor mind'

This was my favoite part becasue it caught my attention the most.
Over all, Your a great poet.
So keep up the good work!


Xoxoxoxos,

Love Katy.

Hey, this was really good and well written. It seems to capture the very essence of internal conflict and drama that we all deal with in these days.

Just a few things that I would like to point out, and these are more pet peeves of mine then actual mistakes. And in the end, it boils down to the preference of the author.

Three things that I know I always look for when I review are:

1) Every line ends with some sort of punctuation mark.
2) Every time there is a punctuation mark, the line ends.
3) Every first letter of the first word in the line is capitalized.

The punctuation issue I believe helps with the flow of the lines of poetry, and the capitalization makes the work appear, to me at least, more professional, neat, and clean.

But the truth is that it all boils down to the author and whether or not he or she chooses to do these things. If you do not prefer to do so, then that is your choice and not mine.

I only hope that this helps you in some way.

Happy Writing!
HT

Hello!

I really like the conflict with yourself in this poem. It kind of displays the modern teenage-ism around the world. It had great metaphors but the flow was a bit off.

It seemed like in the beginning you were trying to rhyme, which helped the flow. But after the first four lines, I didn't know if you were supposed to keep rhyming or not which was odd. So you may want to figure out if you would like to rhyme in this poem or just make it into a free verse.

Also, this may be just a formatting error, but there was no stanzas which made it almost tiring to read. I didn't feel as if I could take a break anywhere and absorb anything I just read. So maybe try to break it up?

Why is a life without knowledge a black flaming tree? You may want to expand on that.

But other than that, I absolutely LOVED this poem. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Message me if any questions and revisions. I would really liked to see the edited piece.

~scandalousphoenix

Hello! Let me first say that I thought your poem was very interesting. I think it's a lovely concept that you're trying to portray. However, I did feel like this piece could use some work.

The first thing I took issue with was that I couldn't figure out whether it was supposed to rhyme or not. The first four lines have a definite rhyming pattern.

"I show you hatred,
you show me sorrow
I show you knowledge,
you show me tomorrow."

But then as I read the next four lines, this same rhyming pattern was not present, which left me confused. Throughout the poem there are lots of inconsistencies like this. I would encourage you to rewrite parts of this poem and either give it a definite rhyming pattern or make sure there is no rhyming. Without a consistent pattern it is hard to find a smooth rhythm in the poem and it makes it rather awkward to read.

A second thing thing that I didn't really like also has to do with phrasing and rhythm. There are no stanzas in the poem which, again, makes it rather awkward to read. Think of stanzas like you think of punctuation, without it there is nothing separating one thought from the next.

These are just a few critiques to get you started on the revising process. With a little bit of rewriting I feel this poem can be truly great and beautiful. Remember to be patient with the creative process and have fun with it!

Happy writing!
~Olivia

Formatting got messed up >>>