Young Writers Society

Love the old English! (*hums Rule Britannia*)
O.k. I may be slightly bias to old English-what with my Shakespearean/Dickensian writing style, but I still like it. The rhyme scheme is good-generally something I would find harder than say ABAB. The only time it seemed at all forced is the fourth line. I think that may be due to slight underpunctuation, so you may want to add a couple of commas.
Very well done, hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!

Hey it's me Willow C.
I apologize in advance for my personality.
First off I found this poem a little weird. I mean what was with the screaming crazy guy, and the old english? I mean I guess that's your style, but I think I made it really hard to understand.
Then there's the rhyming sceme is a little off putting. I don't really like rhyming on a general basis, but to realy make a good rhyming sceme you need to have a regular pattern. Not rhyming where ever it feels fit.

Hey, here to finally do that review! I hope it's worth the wait.

So I'll try to use more quotes this time!

First Stanza

This was an interesting start, the two feelings that I got from it were curiosity, and wonder. I wonder how someone can dwell in something they had once hated, but I guess once one sees something in the right light I guess it changes everything. That's how I took it.

If you didn't mean that I would suggest you change the last two lines quite a bit. I don't know how it fits in with the rest of the stanza.

Second Stanza

I felt, I breathed like air.

It tells me when to go,

when to stop, what to know and what to not.

Hid he not where I now dwelled?

Why is there something of which there's no need?

Do we now you?

Without, I feel my soul will rot,

Hey Neth! Here to review as requested (sorry for the delay!)

What I liked about this poem was most of the language you used as I thought it contributed towards some fantastic imagery. Also, from the language I can tell there is quite a strong message here; now I've never been good at analysing poetry but I think that the message here was really good and quite dark.

What I thought could be improved is that firstly, my first impression of this poem was that it was a bit too fast-paced, and when read it seems there are quite a few forced rhymes. I personally think there is nothing wrong with having rhymes in a poem, but I think these are a bit too forced. Also, it is very obvious that the flow is messed up. To sort this out, I'd say read it out loud to see where it doesn't really read very well, then count the syllables in each line and try and make them similar, I've found that this has really helped me in the past

Another thing, there's a line I'd like to pick up on.

I have fought and I have killed,
but always there is something there,

Hi, a very nice poem, a really creative idea to personify honor. Nice job, I think the last two lines were my favorite. They had a lot of violent elegance that not many people can capture in two lines. I have to admit, I'm a sucker for the AA BB rhyming scheme, and you did very well with it. However, you changed it every other stanza, and it kind of tripped the flow up a little bit.

Really nice poem, keep up the good work.

Nice poem. The rhymes were executed very well. Its perfect flow and meaning with this poem has capivated me. You have talent where that is concerned for sure. A truly "Honourable" poem you have created. Then comes the man out of nowhere screaming "Burn in fire," Where does he come in? What's his purpose? Why does he exist? When a poem has enigmas contained within it, it always makes me love a poem more than before. Keep up the great work!
~Dark

Hi there. What an interesting piece you have written. I like it a bunch so I am excited to review it.

What I liked:

1. The rhyming. Though you jump from rhyme scheme to rhyme scheme I am actually not bothered, but rather captivated by it. It drew my intrest and helped with the flow and meaning of the poem.

2. The imagery. Like the rhyme its inconsistancy draws me in. I love the images you put out about the man and sitting there. Though there could be more I think you did really well with what you have put in.

3. The diction. The words you chose to use and the order you wrote them in is very unique and it works well because you don't go switching back and forth.

What I didn't like:

1. The inconsistancy with the stanzas. I am not saying all the stanzas should be of equal length at all, but the way you have formated this the flow is disrupted as your stanzas get longer. Some lines here and there should have been split up. For a smooth flowing poem the stanzas either need to have a creative way of dealing with length or need consistancy, otherwise the flow is disrupted.

2. The man. I am not sure what the purpose of the man you brought up in the poem is. I have mulled it over in my head for a while and I still can't place a finger on it. Why bring in this character if you cannot have him symbolize something that every body can see. He may mean something to you in the poem but you may need to work a little bit more on conveying his purpose to the reader.

Overall:
This poem is very unique, you don't find many like it on this site. Keep the reader in mind when your writing though. Great job and Keep Writing!