How much do you love me?
I cried from within.
my shame is unbearable
and I'm burdened with sin.
Forever I'm saved.
Forever you reign.
I'll give you my life
I love you that much.
You spread your arms wide
and died on the cross.
you shed your lifes blood;
you loved me that much.
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140,755 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
Dancers and poets have a lot in common. They both need to have a great sense of rhythm and flow; without those elements, a dance routine would look wooden and pitiable, and a poem would read as unnatural and tedious. Your poem, is far from unnatural and tedious. You're poem is quite the opposite!!!
Many people confuse rhythm with rhyme - the two have little to do with one another. Rhythm is the flow or cadence of the writing; rhyme is a literary device that's used within the poem. And whether a poem rhymes or not, a lack of rhythm can be disastrous. You know that. And you have done an excellent job differentiating the two, yet incorporating both.
As a poet, you want to ensure that the flow of your words is natural; otherwise, your readers will find themselves concentrating more on trying to read the poem than on effortlessly enjoying it. One of the best ways to do this as a writer is to be willing to rewrite pieces until the poetry flows as fluently as possible. It sounds like you have taken the time to write, re-write, and write again. That is what makes a good writer--a good poet. It certainly pays off in the end. This poem is beautiful.
Thank you! I really appreacuate it ad by the way, yoou review was beautiful! Lol
This flows quite nicely
This has a nice flow, but would have more impact as a finale
I'm going to assume for moral sake that this is a religious poem?
The last verse doesn't quite click, I suggest a reposition.
Each section has a nice stand-alone value, but when combined, seems more like a prayer.
Hi, Starleene.
Well, I don't normally do this, but since this is so short, I supoose I'll go ahead and just quote you for corrections.
I noticed that the ending lines in these last two stanzas are a mimic of each other, but as far as separation goes, there's not enough continuity here. When I read through I expect to still see hints of that abab scheme going on, but you halt altogether into a whole new pattern. To be honest, the abab pattern was a bit flawed in itself, really. The second and fourth liines in the third stanza don't quite rhyme like how you attempted in the second.
As far as rhyming goes particularly, much of this was imperfect. For the most part I don't really mind that, because I tend to use it a lot in my own rhyming poetry, but seeing as this was so short, it felt more forced than anything. Here there was room to rhyme, for there wasn't too much else going on. It's apparent to the reader.
I can see this isn't a very serious or too in-depth poem of sorts, more so endearing and brief to be sweet. I'd focus on brushing up on these littler flaws if you want this to really work. But other than that, I don't think this needs much else done to it. You were a bit simple, could have chosen to elaborate in whole, but it's understandable if you want to keep this as short as it is.
-Smylin'
Hi there,
Wow, this was so touching! It was so well written and it flowed nicely. I loved it so much!
Thanks for the read and happy writing
-Briggsy