A broken heart
The tears start to fall.
There's no stopping it;
sorrow my heart befalls.
Lets be friends
You'll move on
my heart is torn
stepped upon
The other girl;
the beginning and end.
We shared a life,
I called you my friend.
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Canary word: Present
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140,590 Literary Works • 673,544 Reviews
Howdy, Adam is here to review a cute little poem
1.
Ok, please look at changing this! Even if it is only to "how 'bout no" to restore the rhythm tot he poem.
2. I feel that this poem could really benefit from some rhyme to produce more of a flow, if you dont want a flow then you could throw in the odd ryhm just to create some more poetic interest.
3. I did like this poem! One part that I feel is really good is the overall story line with you reflecting on a troubled friendship. With a bit of work it could be great...
The poem is really good because I think many people would be able to relate to what you are trying to convey.
The most irksome thing was probably "How 'bout not", it really broke up the flow of the poem for me.
I enjoyed reading this part as it really stood out to me. Although, the line above it "Another girl" felt out of place to me personally.
(:
Hey, hey! What's up? This was a very good poem, but reading through it, see you need to work on your grammar.
And the last paragraph was good.
Red stands for edits, green stands for revisions.
PM me if you have any questions.
The premise of this poem is excellent, I think that vote should be unanimous. I just didn't really understand the structure of this poem. Was it supposed to be a conversation, or just sentence fragments? I'm lost.