Mysteria Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Damon’s POV

The bruises marring her skin send waves of rage through me. How someone could harm such a flower I couldn’t understand but I did understand the loneliness in her dark eyes. I growl in agitation as other kids crowd around her to taunt, to hurt and remember almost reliving the times when it was me who was being ostracised and moving forward I hoped that they weren’t harming her like the others had.

As I draw near their eyes shift from her to me and they grin. Ignoring them in favor of the girl I hold out my hand and wait patiently. I smile slightly as she takes note of my mismatched wings, the same as hers, with shock before lifting her eyes to smile at me.

This was the second time I found her being harmed by the others and sigh. She frowns lightly before asking, “Did something happen at home?”

I didn’t get how she could worry so much for someone else when she was hurt. Yet, I shake my head and pull her gingerly to her feet, mindful of the dark bruises decorating her stomach and back.  She throws a glare at the other kids while asking, “Why do they insist on being foolish?” The disdain amuses me as I silently agree.

“Well, some people just don’t understand.” I smirk when she succeeds in scattering the large pack of kids before asking her, “Aren’t you heading to Mysteria Academy soon?”

“Yes, Mother believes it to be the wisest choice than going to..others.” She admits, fingers grasping my hand tightly as we cross the bridge.

“Well, that’s good.” I almost give away my surprise when she faces me in confusion.

“Why, you won’t be going..will you?” Her voice almost goes silent near the end and with a small smile I finally reveal the past three weeks of arguments had achieved.

“I convinced my parents to allow me to attend as well.” I laugh when she breaks into a warm smile and wrapping my arms around her I murmur firmly, “I’m not letting you go to a school halfway across the galaxy without someone to keep you safe.”

She scoffs, jeering at me, “So you need someone to care for is all?” Her eyes sparkle in glee when I huff, ending the subject.

“Of course not.” I grin as the snow ball forming behind her strikes her back causing her eyes to narrow dangerously. “But then again yo-”

The impact of a lump of snow cuts me off as she sits down on the bench, breathless with laughter. Too happy to seeing her so joyful the need to begin the snow war crumbles as I sit next to her, together as we watch the snow fall perfectly to the ground, where it would undisturbed for a just a little bit longer.

I stir out of my dream to spot my mother just edges away from my bed. A quick smile reassures her that I was fine but I could still hear her fight with father. Their angry tones had raged through the house almost all night and I frown when I spot dark bags under her eyes.

“Momma, are you okay?” I whisper, gently taking her shaking hand with my own, heart clenching with despair.

Deep brown eyes turn on me yet she still manages to hold onto the smile. “I’ll be fine, Damon. I have something to tell you.” Momma murmurs softly while taking a seat on the edge of my bed.

“Does it have to do with why Father said I was evil?” I ask, flinching slightly at the pain those words brought to my heart.

Her eyes glisten with tears and for once I felt at loss of how to make them go away. They reminded me of the girl in my dream. Just remembering her I could feel the rage at the children who had mocked her as if it was happening now and for a moment I worried over the girl before Momma’s soft tones bring me out.

“Yes, darling. You see you were adopted. We had found you when you were seven.” Momma explains trying not to wince when my face darkens with anger.

“How could you have kept that from me!?” I roar, suddenly hurt. I couldn’t believe they had not told me sooner. Momma stands from the bed, her face crumpling with sorrow, bringing guilt soaring into my already muddled heart.

“I wanted too so many times, Damon. But your father...” She trails off, glancing in fear at the door where my father stood, eyes cold with hate.

I stumble out of bed, crashing to the ground as my legs tangle amongst the thick blankets and sheets. When I manage to get up I hear Momma scream, “Damon, run!”

Swerving to face the door where my father had been my eyes widen with horror and shock as he points the gun at Momma, who had moved to block me. Legs shaking with fear, I thanked every deity that I had not unpacked yet and quickly grab the trunk before shouting, “Momma, come on!”

I halt at the window when I notice she wasn’t moving to come, instead she continues to block my father’s path. She stiffens as Father steps towards us and finally orders, her once kind voice now serious, “Damon Alexan, get out right now. I’ll be fine.”

I nod numbly, jumping out the window and onto the grass. Blood bounding in my ears, I take off towards the gate, not stopping even as the sound of a gun going off. But my vision blurs with tears and all I could do was search for that person I had seen, the one I called safe.

Staggering through brushes and busy streets for what felt like forever I halt when a letter drops right in front of my face. Jerking back, I eye the letter with fear before kneeling down to inspect the Lydran seal and frown deeply through my shivering hands. Opening it I tilt my head to the side at their request for a meeting. Glancing over at the clock in the town square I notice I only had fifteen minutes and without much of a thought about why they needed me I rush over to the nearest bank, almost knocking a girl over who had been heading in the same direction.

“Sorry!” I shout back as I enter the office. I blink in confusion when she enters as well.

“No problem. Not like you actually knocked me down.” She smiles slightly, before turning her attention to the Warchief who chuckles slightly at the two of us.

“I see you both have arrived.” He smiles menacingly after shutting the door with an eerie loud bang. “I hope you don’t mind, but there are some things we need to talk about. First off do you five realize you’ve all been adopted?”

I stare, five? Quickly looking around I notice for the first time three others who all stare at the Faerie in total disbelief. The girl looks forlornly down at her lap and I wonder briefly what her story was but suddenly a loud crash stops us all.

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Cole
Review
Cole wrote a review · Sun Feb 24, 2013 1:50 am

Okay, so, firstly, I just want to tell you how much I hate the name Damon. I know, great start to a review, huh. It is so overused in teen fantasy novels because people think it's a perfect "dark, brooding, sexy" name for their tortured, gorgeous paranormal male characters. It's not! It's unoriginal. Come up with something better :D I know you can do it.

Now, to the actual review.

I love how this starts out:

The bruises marring her skin send waves of rage through me.
In this first line, you have characterization, you have emotion, power. It's intense and I am suddenly able to relate with Damon all because of this simple opening line.

However, some of your phrasing is a little awkward, choppy, and repetitive, so I recommend rereading through it since it's been a while. I also found some instances where you have grammatical errors (like missing commas) and you change tenses occasionally, jumping from past tense to present tense abruptly. Reread this. I think they'll be easy to spot. You're probably a heck-of-a lot more experienced after a year's time.

Also, wouldn't he remember that he was found if he was seven? That's pretty old. I remember events from when I was four.

Furthermore, I think the action starts out way too quickly. You barely give Damon time to cope with the news of his adoption. You need to develop that a whole lot more and pace yourself. Don't get too excited and jump into the action prematurely.

Lastly, the dialogue could be a little more realistic. I thought it was too theatrical.

Otherwise, I like the direction of the story and I wish you hadn't dropped the novel (I see you only wrote three chapters). I also imagine your skill as a writer has matured since this was written, so I hope I was mildly helpful!

-H.



Half goat, half fish, all goatfish.
— OSP Red