Young Writers Society

Hey! ChocolateCello here!

Okay, this review is going to be short and quick-

Okay, so I'm not the most religious person, I do go to church occasionally, though it's pretty laid back, and my dad teaches Sunday school lessons, so I still have a bit of knowledge

Is the greatest mystery that could be thought of,

That the Author of the Universe had thought to

Good afternoon, Songmorning! <3

I have a few key points about the lyrics, but I'd also like to review the melody you gave us since it's such a rare treat on YWS to actually get to sink my teeth into an audible, original melody.

Firstly, the primary verse is inundated with "Lord"s that don't have to be there, and don't really accomplish anything other than making it sound like a nervous prayer in front of a crowd. This is a turn-off to me because if there's one thing I dislike in music, it's a lack of confidence. If you are passionate about this, then you should analyze your words to make sure each piece fits perfectly to form a cohesive unit to accomplish a greater goal. In this case, it's worship.

I don't really have an issue with the lack of rhyme in the least. Originally, I thought I would because it's a general convention (chalk it up to expectations, right?) but after hearing the actual progression of the melody, since it's tonic (which means it continuously returns to the first and primary chord in the given key), it sort of pulls an auditory trick that puts the brain at ease with being presented with non-rhymes and some occasionally-strange rhythms. It's a strange phenomenon that I've actually been working on in my own music--and ultimately it's all a matter of the brain feeling resolved because of the satisfaction of hearing the tonic chord.

All that considered, you've constructed something that reminds me of hymns I've been asked to perform in Baptist, Methodist, and Lutheran churches--particularly this one I led a service for in Maryland, where the music used for services is just different than what we have in the deep south. This isn't a bad or good thing--it's just a matter that interests me because regionally stylized music is a thing!

As far as the execution of message and content goes, I think you would accomplish a bit more along the vein of your goal if you were to incorporate scripture into the song somewhere, if even another verse or a deviant end chorus. I'm reminded of the Psalm that confesses that David felt he had no one on Earth or Heaven but God--and then, of course, there's the passage regarding the great commission. There are options, basically.

To take a greater critique from this, know that my general impression is that the linguistics of the piece are very simple and weak in places, but melodically (for the most part) you have a solid flow and cadence, and it actually does feel a bit inspired; but don't let that deceive you into thinking that you aren't in need of editing. Everyone needs editing. Even the greats!

I hope this helps!

COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so glad someone is finally brave enough to post something like this. It can be hard to show you are a follower of christ in our world today. Are these lyrics you came up with yourself or did you hear them somewhere? Sorry I'm asking such a stupid question but I'm too lazy to go on youtube and find out..... I'll be sure to check out how you sing it though! Can't wait to see more of your work! Good job!