Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
It was at that time in my life when the things I most feared came to me even in slumber. Prying at the hands of the life that had been thrust upon me; I choked.
The lack of air, light, luster, and all the things that I had grown up to expect from my life. None were found; in stead, I found another that had something we shared.
It became clear to me what I most wanted, past my fear, my doubts. I pushed past, aside it growled at me. Vengeful as it is I feared nothing.
I became beyond what it was that life had seem to set before me. I had fought fate for my peace, and I had won.
When it was torn from me, all I could do is weep. Now there is one more, that will haunt my dreams. Incessantly it cries to me in blame. All I can do is weep.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
This was so dark but I... actually really liked it. I don't usually like the whole tortured writer bit but they way you did it made me feel everything you wrote and, as a writer, that's pretty much the ultimate goal. So congrats! The separated stanzas didn't hurt either
I also found it slightly confusing and you did lose me for a minute in the middle. You went from haunted to courageous to victorious and then back to haunted. Was it just me or did someone else get a little confused? Still super though. I would just work out the plot line a bit to evade further befuddlement in the future.
Actually, you got it precisely. Self-doubt and fear followed by the conquering of those fears. And then once that was through with it was back to another problem. Just an endless cycle of challenges that left a very defeated feeling. I'll try to make it more clear the next time!
Hi!
I'm Elinor, and welcome to YWS!
So, this piece: the concept is certainly interesting, but it's very short. Too short to really make much of an impression, and to be honest I'm not entirely sure what you are trying to say. That we dream of bad things and that we dream of good things? In the first two little paragraphs, it seems to me that you're talking about literal dreams, but then the focus shifts to daydreaming/what we aspire for the future.
I understand that you want to make the piece universal, but there will be nothing for the reader to connect with if we don't have a sense of the focus, vivid imagery to make it come to life, and a clear purpose behind the piece.
You seem to be a talented writer, and I don't think you'll have trouble expanding on this. Best of luck! Feel free to give me a shout if you have any questions.
That's alot of reviews :O
Hey! Thanks a lot for the review! I know that it is a bit short, but it was a bit of a reaction piece and was hoping to expand upon it later! Great stuff, thanks!
Spaces! woot!
It was at that time in my life when the things I most feared came to me even in slumber.
I'd like too know what time this was. i feel as if the writer is unhappy with their lot in life.
Life often does lead us to dark areas....to true.
I found another that had something we shared. I wonder what this is
Doubts and fears are often vengeful, I like the usage here.
Not everyone can push past their life's struggles to find peace, but do we ever find peace forever?
The end of the writing is the strongest for sure.
Thanks! Much appreciated! The specifics are my own emotions. But, they can be your own. It really depends on what you see at the time.