Hey! Happy Review Day and happy experimenting with new writing formats! C:Seriously, experimenting writing new and different things is what grows us as writers! Even if you decide you don't like writing prose, and go back to mostly writing poetry, you'll still have learnt a TON by trying out prose. I write poetry for this reason; it helps my prose immensely. And it's also fun. I really liked your main character! At first I thought he was kinda- run of the mill, fancy prince-charming type, BUT the dude is a serious gentleman and he's got some spark about him that makes me want to read on. And that is REALLY good because I personally believe that it's the characters that make a story, not the plot or whatever.
and proceeded to detach the shaft from the arrowhead so I could pull it out.
I proceeded to softly shake her.
I thought she would be more comfortable my walking alongside the horse instead of being up there with her.
interrupted by a series of cruel sounding coughs.
Hi there! I’m a tad rusty at this, so bear with me. Things I liked;I enjoyed your sentence openers. There was a lot of variation. I liked your hints about the woman being more frightened if he had worn his hood down. This has intrigued me into what all the fuss is about! I like that you mentioned that he doesn’t trust her yet either. But I also like that you’ve let us know a bit about your MC that he’s willing to help anyway. He’s interesting. Things I think you could improve;The sudden appearance of the river doesn’t quite work for me. You could describe the river first. By describing the river first as beautiful, peaceful etc. Drag us into a sense of serenity & then BAM. Floating body. It jars the perfection perfectly.Example; “My hood had fallen back long ago. For once it didn’t matter, for not a soul could see me riding as fast as I was. Few people were that stupid to be out in this part of the woods anyway.I sped, carefree, alongside the winding river. The water’s surface glittered in the morning sun and the sound of water sloshed and splashed on its way as if it was daring me for a race. I was just resisting the urge to raise both arms in the air when my thoughts were interrupted, and something stole my attention. There was a body in the water.”Or something along those lines.I feel as though the woman would be a little more suspicious/outright terrified of her rescuer if she can’t remember anything. How does she know that he didn’t do this to her? I would be pretty frightened if I couldn’t even remember my own name and there was a hooded figure in front of me. Her fear could also help you build some more tension.Overall;I really enjoyed it! I definitely think you should feel confident in doing this kind of writing. It has real potential. It doesn’t feel unnatural…it flows nicely whilst giving the reader lots of unanswered questions which make me want to read on.Good luck! Keep Writing! Olive <3
Hi there!This is really good! I would just add some details and elaborate on some things.
116,662 Literary Works • 631,897 Reviews