Hand sewn, colorful patches
with rough, almost static like, grey skin
A creature with a pure face that stares at you
With innocence in their eyes
how can something so simple
hold so much meaning, so many memories
Just live on a shelf
and say not one word
but be so strident
1.29.2019
xx Smugg xx
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I liked the poem very much. You conveyed your thoughts well in the poem. I think that the addition of stanzas and a little more punctuation would have perfected the poem. I loved the poem overall. Both the uniqueness of it and the deep thoughts it conveyed. (Sorry if my review isn't as professional. I'm just giving my thoughts from my perspective. )
No, No! Your review was wonderful! Thank you so much for even taking time to read it and share your thoughts Im glad you liked it
Hey there Smuggg! Welcome to YWS! Tuck here for a short review. Let's get right into it!
I don't think strident is the word you're looking for here; it kinda implies harshness and roughness, whereas I associate stuffed animals with exactly the opposite—softness and gentleness.
Overall Thoughts
I liked the conciseness of this poem—you conveyed your meaning in a straightforward way (although not too literal) without adding additional fluff. I liked that style of poetry and the way you executed it was very nice
I think the addition and implementation of stanzas would improve your poem and make it feel less like a run-on sentence. Reading your poem aloud would require pauses, and if you can separate the poem at those natural pauses, it gives the reader and potential speaker a bit of a relief before they continue with the poem.
I also think that you need to give some more thought to what you capitalize and don't capitalize. Punctuation would also help at the end of sentences, but your capitalization seemed random at worst and not fully thought through at best. Capitalization is an undervalued part of poetry that is crucial to determining the style, and I think you could really polish this by thinking through your punctuation and capitalization again.
My favorite part of this poem was your comparison to the static skin. That was a unique and well executed metaphor that gave me a good impression of what you were trying to express while also being unique. However, I also really enjoyed the way you ended this. It felt finalized without trying to be so, and it felt like a natural spot to end the poem. Excellent work on this, and I hope to see more work from you in the future! You're a talented poet; keep up the good work! If you have any questions about this review, just shoot me a PM and I'd be happy to provide clarification!
~MJTucker
Aww, I love this!
Very nice anecdote/poem
Keep it up!