Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Lyrical

E - Everyone

The life of a Stuffed Animal

by Smuggg


Hand sewn, colorful patches

with rough, almost static like, grey skin

A creature with a pure face that stares at you 

With innocence in their eyes

how can something so simple

hold so much meaning, so many memories

Just live on a shelf

and say not one word

but be so strident 

1.29.2019

xx Smugg xx


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar


Points: 15
Reviews: 4

Donate
Wed Feb 06, 2019 3:16 am
View Likes
Fibarrel wrote a review...



I liked the poem very much. You conveyed your thoughts well in the poem. I think that the addition of stanzas and a little more punctuation would have perfected the poem. I loved the poem overall. Both the uniqueness of it and the deep thoughts it conveyed. (Sorry if my review isn't as professional. I'm just giving my thoughts from my perspective. )




Smuggg says...


No, No! Your review was wonderful! Thank you so much for even taking time to read it and share your thoughts Im glad you liked it :)



User avatar
353 Reviews


Points: 25581
Reviews: 353

Donate
Tue Feb 05, 2019 11:30 pm
View Likes
Tuckster wrote a review...



Hey there Smuggg! Welcome to YWS! Tuck here for a short review. Let's get right into it!

with rough, almost static-like, grey skin


but be so strident
I don't think strident is the word you're looking for here; it kinda implies harshness and roughness, whereas I associate stuffed animals with exactly the opposite—softness and gentleness.

Overall Thoughts

I liked the conciseness of this poem—you conveyed your meaning in a straightforward way (although not too literal) without adding additional fluff. I liked that style of poetry and the way you executed it was very nice :)

I think the addition and implementation of stanzas would improve your poem and make it feel less like a run-on sentence. Reading your poem aloud would require pauses, and if you can separate the poem at those natural pauses, it gives the reader and potential speaker a bit of a relief before they continue with the poem.

I also think that you need to give some more thought to what you capitalize and don't capitalize. Punctuation would also help at the end of sentences, but your capitalization seemed random at worst and not fully thought through at best. Capitalization is an undervalued part of poetry that is crucial to determining the style, and I think you could really polish this by thinking through your punctuation and capitalization again.

My favorite part of this poem was your comparison to the static skin. That was a unique and well executed metaphor that gave me a good impression of what you were trying to express while also being unique. However, I also really enjoyed the way you ended this. It felt finalized without trying to be so, and it felt like a natural spot to end the poem. Excellent work on this, and I hope to see more work from you in the future! You're a talented poet; keep up the good work! If you have any questions about this review, just shoot me a PM and I'd be happy to provide clarification!

~MJTucker




User avatar
163 Reviews


Points: 8860
Reviews: 163

Donate
Tue Feb 05, 2019 10:55 pm
View Likes
Liberty500 says...



Aww, I love this!




Random avatar

Points: 200
Reviews: 0

Donate
Tue Feb 05, 2019 11:31 am
View Likes
tealogist says...



Very nice anecdote/poem :) Keep it up!





cron
If it wasn't for poetry, I couldn't express myself.
— Rosendorn