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Greyscale

by Smuggg


A cemetery without flowers

Creating a greyscale mood

Filled with a terrifying silence

Only to be broken by the cries of the mourning

The wind filled air

Making a whistle throughout the barrier of darkness.

That is the old memories of fallen souls.

They remember the lives that they lived,

And the people they fought for

Maybe the people who wronged them.

They look down in despair

As we, the living, the selfish, take advantage of the lives we still have.


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91 Reviews


Points: 1905
Reviews: 91

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Sat Mar 02, 2019 2:51 am
Honora wrote a review...



Hey Smuggg! I'm going to warn you that I don't know ANYTHING about poetry so this is an amateur's review...
Well, I really liked it. It just spoke a dark but truthful tale and pointed out how sad it is. "As we, the living, the selfish, take advantage of the lives we still have." This sentence is the one that really struck out to me. It made me see just how selfish we actually are and how much we don't appreciate everything that we have! Well done! Your point was well put without being too bold.
I liked it! :)




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31 Reviews


Points: 97
Reviews: 31

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Sat Mar 02, 2019 2:44 am
BraidenEllis wrote a review...



Hey, Braiden here for a review!

So I really liked this poem; I enjoyed it how it was both simple and meaningful. Often, you don't need a ridiculously drawn out poem with fancy words to get a message or idea across.

There was a specific line that really caught my attention, and it was:

"Only to be broken by the cries of the mourning"

I don't know if you intended it, but I thought it was a great play on both the words "morning" and "morning." When we think of death, I believe we tend to think of darkness and, as your poem is aptly named, almost like there is a greyscale filter over our vision. And with morning brings light, temporarily breaking the cries of mourning. I don't know if I read too much into how the poem was written, but I liked it :)

The one thing I would say is that in the latter half of the poem, you start to punctuate some of the end of the lines with commas and periods, like a normal sentence. I usually write my poetry this way too, but if you want to keep that style, you should make sure that the first half of your poem is written the same way. For example:

Commas after: flowers, mood, and silence

Periods after: mourning and for

Anyways, that's all I had to say! Great job, and I hope this was useful in some way!

~Braiden




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11 Reviews


Points: 49
Reviews: 11

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Thu Feb 28, 2019 10:11 pm
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Smuggg says...



@FlamingPhoenix :) I tagged you because I remember that in a review on one of my works you asked me to do so, so here you go. Hope you enjoy :)






Aww thank you.




When you cut pieces out of the truth to avoid looking like a fool, you end up looking like a moron instead.
— Robin Hobb