So they all came running out of the garage, but Caleb kind of just flopped out, then they stood on the side walk like dead fish, not even saying a word, then up in the sky a joint lightning bolt flashed in the sky but in the shape of a goblins eye.
“Kaylee look” yelled Madison
“It’s in the shape of an eye! How is that possible” Kaylee got so worried she all most fell to the ground
“Ok let’s split up, and see war this storm thing is coming from, Jason you’re with me” said Madison
“Why do you want me to come with you Madison, in case you need a strong warier to protect you”
“No, cause if you went with Caleb you would die, Ethan you’re with me too”
“Why, cause you need a strong warier if you…”
“Oh don’t start” shouted Madison
“Ok Caleb you’re with me then I gess” said Kaylee in a disgusted way
“Madison Ethan and I will head to the forest you guy’s head to the lake ok let’s do THIIIIIIIISSSS!!!!” yelled Jason. So they were off, Madison of cares claimed that she was in charge of Jason and Ethan so she walked in front, but then as soon as they got to the forest there was caution tape every war, surrounding the holl forest, Madison immediately stopped in her tracks and her mouth gaped open as she looks a little farther back and almost all the trees were burnt down, and a few trees were bleeding!
“How could this happen?” Madison almost let a tear down her face but she was not about to let the boy’s see her cry so she sucked it up and walked over the caution tape the boy’s followed her from behind.
“How much longer” wind Caleb
“Caleb we have only been walking for 7 minutes” said Kaylee
“I know but this has now been the longest 7 minutes in my life!”
“Look Caleb the lake and 12-minute walk and you’re not dead”
“12 minute! You mean we have to walk an extra 7 minutes”
“Actually an extra 5 minutes but your, how old or you”
“12 turning 13 in a week or so”
“Oh! I thot you were still 9, my bad” then when they got there,
“Hey were or all the animals the frogs and dragon fly’s and tad polls, even the fish or gone!” said Kaylee in suspicion, case all the animals were gone, THEN! Wen Caleb went down to get a drink of lake water a dark purple cloud fogged up the water but only for 8 seconds
“AAA!! Kaylee the, the water just turned, purple” Caleb could not stop stuttering case what he sow, could not be un seen!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
hello @SmougsIntern
and other then thoughs few little things this is a vary good chapter 
this was a vary good chapter! I love it!!! the beginning was really good in this chapter but the end could use a cliff hanger, but all in all this is a good chapter.
here are some parts that could need some work, I like the part wen Caleb and Kaylee were walking to the lake and Caleb asked if they were there yet and Kaylee keep giving the time, but wen Kaylee sees "Oh! I thot you were still 9, my bad" instead of doing that try maybe "oh, I thought you were 9, my bad" or saying something oops instead of my dab is ok to, and really fast, "Oh! I thot you were still 9, my bad"
try "Oh! I thought you were still 9, my bad" you spelled thought rang but that is ok
Hi, @Tsunami here one again with a review.
I hope I help.
Okay once again every this is really good don't get me wrong but I think you an have a little bit more description in your chapter.
Oh and I will be going through and fixing spelling.
Okay now this is how I would describe things in the chapter. I hope I'm helping.
Okay that is all I need to say. So I hope you will keep on writing great work, and I hope you have a great day/night. see you soon.
So, I've been reading this story, and I am very intrigued by the whole thing. But, on the bad side, I did find quite a few errors. One I found while reading this book was it was very hard to read. One thing that is critical in a good book is that it flows easy and is simple to read. I made this mistake a lot when I first started out.
One of the reasons it was hard to read, was there was quite a few grammatical errors. From this chapter, I'll just do a few.
"How is that possible" should have a question mark at the end. Also along with this, I noticed that there is rarely any form of punctuation. This makes it hard for the readers.
“Why do you want me to come with you Madison, case you need a strong warier to protect you” This should be...
"Why? Do you want me to come with you Madison? Just in case you need a strong warrior to protect you."
“How hutch longer” wind Caleb This should be...
"How much longer?" wondered Caleb. (this is what I'm assuming you meant)
But anyway, just some critiques! Other than the grammatical errors, this is a very good sounding story! I'm really excited to see what happens to them!
you or so right I am so sorry I will try hoarder next time
Everything has definitely gotten more intense with this huge storm and all that. It seems our main protagonists are very brave individuals, but some stuff is still confusing. Such as why they're searching through the forests instead of staying safe inside? Why do they think they have to go find answers? What are their motives?
Some of your description was good, you could tell that this storm was a force to be reckoned with! It was exciting as well!
The only technical problem is that you didn't focus on any one perspective, unless this is some strange omniscient you need to show breaks in order to signal to the read that you are in a new perspective. The most prominent of these is when we're with Madison and she's about to cry, but then we switch to what seems to be Kaylee's perspective.
Other then those two little things, this was a good chapter!
thank you so much and i don't no why i had them looking for something without a purpose i am sorry
Don't apologize, this is your work and you can do what you want with it. If they're just searching for the sake of curiosity great! Just show the reader that.
ok thank you or so kind!
Good evening, SmaugsIntern - AnarchyWolf here to review this third chapter.
war
case you need a strong warier
of cares
holl
“How hutch longer” wind Caleb
goblins eye.
“Kaylee look” yelled Madison
not about to let the boy’s see her cry
“How hutch longer”
dragon fly’s
So they all came running out of the garage, but Caleb kind of just flopped out, then they stood on the side walk like dead fish, not even saying a word, then
First of all, this is a action-packed chapter that really was quite fun to read. Things and dialogue kept the chapter very fast-paced and, although it was just short, it seemed to cover a lot of ground on the plot.
Secondly, the characters seem to be diverse, and I especially like Madison refusing to cry in front of the boys. She's my favorite, thus far, because of her strength and stubbornness. Stubbornness is a trait that you can use to create more character conflicts with her in the future.
The element of mystery in this chapter helps to make it strong. The reader is constantly asking, strung along by a series of questions that keep them entertained. I, for one, want to know why the water went purple. This also serves as an effective cliffhanger and a hook for the forth chapter.
There are, however, a lot of spelling mistakes in here. Simple mistakes like:
Spoiler
Instead of where
Spoiler
Instead of 'cuz and warrior
Spoiler
Instead of of course
Spoiler
Instead of whole
Spoiler
Instead of much and whined
Your work could really do with a spellcheck. It'd really make your work easier to read, rather than having the reader try to figure out what you mean all the time - which is something that gets very tiring, very quickly. Spellchecks can be found for free on the internet here if your writing document doesn't have one built in.
The punctuation could do with more work, as well. There are countless instances of incorrect apostrophe use and comma use and forgetting simple punctuation marks. This detracts from the quality of the story and takes the reader out of the world you've spent so much effort in building.
Spoiler
Goblin's eye
Spoiler
“It’s in the shape of an eye! How is that possible”
"Kylee, look!" yelled Madison
"It's in the shape of an eye! How is the possible?"
Spoiler
Not about to let the boys see her cry
Spoiler
"How much longer?"
Spoiler
Dragon flies
You need to pick a POV character, a character who you focus on to tell the story through their perspective, to help the reader get attached to the story and the characters. POV character examples include Harry Potter from the Harry Potter series. This will help to make the chapter seem more grounded and solid.
When you write your dialogue, consider how you can make it sound more natural. Your dialogue sounds rocky, chunky, and kind of generic - each character should have a different manner of speaking that makes them more unique. This will help the characters to stand out and have unique personalities and manners.
I feel like your write too much like a list. You say so and then far too much. This makes your story read like a list.
Spoiler
The narration should be fluid and not choppy and list-y like this above example.
Despite all of this, with a bit of work, this could be a very strong piece of work. I believe that with a little big of spell-checking and working on the characters' dialogue, it'll be a lot more polished.
-AnarchyWolf
Hey, good job.
Grammatical Etc. errors:
In the paragraph you say so and then a lot, but really you should take them out and split this up because it's a really long run on
Here's a rewrite
So I think you meant where not war.
There needs to be a period at the end of this.
Gess should be spelled guess.
I'm guessing you meant to say because you need a strong warrior.
It should say everywhere.
Should be spelt whole.
You only need to say from behind
Hutch should be much.
Or should be are.
because she just said this out loud you son't need it here.
Wen should be when.
This should say stuttering because what he saw.
Characters: You son't develop the characters a lot in this chapter.
Plot: The story has only become more mysterious. You seem to know where you are going with this though so that's good.
Descriptions: Continue trying to add more descriptions to your writing. Is it cold outside? is there a wind? Do they hear other people? Or is it absolutely silent?
Good Luck and Keep Writing
Sláinte -Junel