Jason was doing a little dance, so Caleb loudly whispered and said:
“Hey, Jason, do you need to pee?” Jason nodded his head, so then he said.
“I am just happy that I can cross this off my bucket list.” Then Madison said.
“Only you, Jason.” Madison sighd
“What do you think that is?” Kaylee said in fear
“Oh! I know this one it is a black cloud thing in the sky!” shouted Caleb.
“Other than that, Caleb, it could be almost anything.”
“A black sky burger.”
“No, Jason!” said Madison.
“Hey! Kaylee, remember that forest on the other side of town that has been closed off for like 27 years?” said Ethan.
“yeah.”
“Well what if this cloud has something to do with it?”
“Is that possible?” asked Madison just as it got really windy.
“It is a possibility.” Kaylee explained.
“Gus, it’s getting pretty windy, almost as windy as it was in the forest I went into.” said Caleb.
“Wait, did you say you went in the forest?” asked Madison.
“I guess.”
“No one is allowed in the forest.” said Ethan.
“Well, my pizza guy got lost so I went in the forest because that is where he was, and then I gave him a GPS so he could find me.” Caleb explained.
“You do realize that you could have just grabbed the pizza right there instead of giving him something for him to find you when you already right there right?” said Madison.
“I COULD DO THAT!” yelled Caleb with joy.
“WOW! I did not know that there could be someone that stupid, until I found you.” Madison said in disappointment.
“Guys, we still have to figure out what is going on her because now there are tiny tornados in the sky.” said Kaylee.
“Aww, how cute!” said Jason.
“ok well let’s think should we stand here not doing anything about this, or should we try to get out there and figure this thing out!” said Madison
“I’m with Madisen. Let’s do this.” said Ethan.
End of chapter
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139,045 Literary Works • 672,398 Reviews
is there a chapter 1?
No i hated this story so i deleted most of them and i guess this one got forgotten, sorry i should have told you. This was my first story so thats why its awful...sorry, but hey! thanks for reading it anyway
Tell me when you write something and i will make shore to check it out! 
i'm already in my 2nd arc
OMG this is such an awesome chapter, I love the beginning it is a really good step up from the last chapters beginning
I like how Jason and Caleb are connected, not in the gay way just they seem like really good friends and you show that pretty well, but sadly once agene 
Ethan could use a little more character but such and such this is an awesome chapter, but why are they going after the storm thing? is there a reason why they should? but I am so exited to here more about the goblin he was the one in the vary beginning right? but any way I can tell that little Ethan got a crush on Maddison and I love it! keep that up and I am so exited to reed more
Helllo SmaugsIntern!
Maybe it was just my bad.
I'm back with another review for you!
*Laughs* Gosh, I love your characters, especially Celeb! He's such a comical character who lacks brains. The incident where he gave a GPS to a pizza guy so that he could find his house really made me crack up! You did an awesome job in making this chapter funny and interesting. Good job!
I really can't wait to find more about this mysterious cloud and the forbidden forest. :O Your story just keeps on getting more and more interesting as it moves on.
I'm glad that your characters have different personalities from each other. Since your story has a lot of characters so far, I think it'll be really easy for the reader and the writer to properly understand who's the speaker without getting confused when the characters have different personalities from each other. But there were a few instances where I got a little confused because I couldn't figure out whether it was Jason or Celeb speaking at a certain point.
As the other reviewers have mentioned, I think this chapter lacks descriptions like in the previous one. But apart from that tiny factor, this chapter is well written and the dialogue between your characters is amazing! I see that writing Dialogue is one of your key strengths in writing. But if you spice up your descriptions a bit more, I think this chapter would be even more interesting.
Overall this is a really awesome chapter and I had fun reading it!!
Keep up the good work and never stop writing! ^_^
Your friend,
writerkitty
thank u
and I no a have a lot of flows in my writing but, practice makes perfect right 
it was pretty good! my fav character is probably either Jason or Kaylee no Madison or Jason yes
but Ethan is pretty cool, and Caleb is so stupid it is so funny! but do not worry it is a good stupid 
but I am just wondering a few little things, and keep in mind it is not a big deal but, why are they trying to stop the stormy thing? they could have just called 911 or something but any way, I am not trying to be mean but thuoghs are good things to fix 
and the end of that chapter was a bit to corny for my liking, especially in a book like this but it is ok 
u can always fix that, now the good part about his is it is to help u and helping is a good way to tell u, this might need a little work, so I will be there for u, and I will be there to help u with what ever u need 
even if u have in here longer then me 
so ya but your story is really good and I am really exited to reed chapter 3 4 5 and whatever comes next 
Hi Tsunami here again with a review. I hope you like it now I loved every thing in this chapter all except the description. but every this ells was okay really.
So now I'm going to show you how I would do the description. and I'm sure you will see there is a big different.
I hope this helped you. and I hope you will keep on writing your getting better. see you soon. I hope you have a great day/night.
from your friend @Tsunami.
Good evening, SmaugsIntern. AnarchyWolf here to review this second chapter.
As always, these characters' banter is great. It's interesting and funny and keeps the story moving along very nicely. It's fascinating to see what kinds of things they can come up with while they debate what this black cloud could be or mean, and whether or not they should go to the forest. Caleb comes across strongly as the joker of the group, while Madison is, as always, the tough, serious tomboy.
There are a lot of true-to-life sayings and phrases in the dialogue that relaly make them come across as young teenagers. They're immature and they talk like they're still children, which helps the reader to always stay tuned in to them and who they are, rather than wandering of and presuming things. Though there are a lot of grammatical and spelling mistakes, the little 'I guesses' and 'yeahs' really do help a lot.
Minor mistakes are corrected here:
Spoiler
"I'm just happy that I can cross this off my bucket list,"
"Only you, Jason," Madison sighed.
"No, Jason!" cried Madison.
"No, Jason!" exclaimed Madison.
"No, Jason!" shouted Madison.
twenty-seven years
No-one
"Yeah."
"Guys,"
"Okay, well,"
These chapter definitely need to be longer, as pointed out below. There just aren't enough words for both the character interactions and moving the plot and investigating. You'd probably be okay joining some chapters together to create a longer, fuller chapter with a lot more substance in it. It'd be better to read, and, I'd imagine, easier to write - although, each writer is different, and what is the same for me won't be for you.
You'd also improve your dialogue by contracting it. A contraction is a shortened version of the written and spoken forms of a word, syllable, or word group, created by omission of internal letters and sounds. It takes words like do not, is not, I am, and you are, and turns them into don't, isn't, I'm, and you're. Doing this with dialogue will make it so much more natural and easier to read, as well as giving your characters a better, less wooden impression while talking.
You need a lot more description in this story. We don't really know a lot about the scene, nor what the characters physically look like, nor what they're doing while they're talking. It leads to confusion and frustration, because the readers really want to know where the characters are, and what's going on while they talk. You can also take the opportunity to add a lot more mood and theme to your story by just choosing words carefully when describing.
It's a funny, light-hearted and interesting chapter that just needs a little more description to make it really good. I'm looking forward to the fifth chapter!
-AnarchyWolf
Hey, good job.
Grammatical Etc. errors:
You don't need the But before Jason.It would be better without it.
Ok so this whole section you put who is talking before you say it. This can become very confusing for the reader so it is best to just say who says what after they say it. Also when you say Caleb loudly whispered and said you don't need both because whispered is just a more specific version of said basically.
Anyway here is my rewrite of the section.
So you should either add a comma after one or end the sentence and start a new one with one.
The y needs to be capitalized.
Add a comma after well.
Take out just. Just is a filler word and the majority of the time you should get rid of it.
So right before this you already mention the wind, although the characters might not know it until it is said here. So you should probably get rid of it before this.
So you should add when to this right after forest and before I. Also add it at the end.
Get rid of the I after well.
Capitalize the o in ok.
Characters: You continue to develop your character and how they interact with each other.
Plot: It didn't progress much in this chapter, but we know something is going to happen in the next.
Descriptions: You could still add some more even though the setting doesn't change. Maybe it has gotten darker in the garage or colder? Just some ideas.
Perspective: Like I said before your perspective is a little strange. For the way you're telling the story (mainly dialogue) it might work better if you did the whole thing in present tense. It might take a while to change it, but I feel it would make the story a lot easier to read.
Overall this really funny!
Good Luck and Keep Writing
Sláinte -Junel
Hey there! I haven't read previous parts so I'll do the best I can.
You've got some interesting and amusing dialogue here between your characters. They certainly seem to be having fun with one another and goofing around. I'm curious as to what's going on though- what's up with the clouds and tornadoes? It would be interesting to find out!
You've got a lot of characters in this! As much as having lots of characters in a book can be fun to to start with, it can get very confusing and hard to keep who's who straight- for the reader and the writer! Ask yourself which characters are contributing and are vital to the story. The other thing that's not so great about too many characters is that we don't really have a chance to really fall in love with one character, because we're busy trying to split our attention to so many characters. In the end, we don't get a lot of quality time with just a few characters, and instead we just partially get to know all these characters. So if you can shave down your cast count, it might be worth it.
Dialogue is great- it's fun to read and pretty well always interesting. But there needs to be a balance. There's so many different elements to writing and prose that makes it come alive, so it's really great to use as many of those elements as we can. For instance, what's happening in this chapter? They're all talking, but what are they doing, what are they seeing? What's happening? How does the wind feel on their faces? Describe these things to us because they're a vital element in writing- descriptions and imagery is what makes up the picture and setting, even atmosphere of your piece, so it's very important. Sometimes you need something besides dialogue to let us know what's happening so that we don't get confused by what the characters are talking about- we can't see what's in your head unless you show us! An example of how dialogue can become confusing without descriptions is this:
If I don't know what they're looking at, I need to at least know what they are seeing, because otherwise I am completely blind and it's not fun.
I thought this was a funny line. I do agree with Madison, though: it's a little silly that he went into the forest to find the pizza guy only to give him a GPS to get to his place. There's not a lot of logic in Caleb's actions to do that, the way I see it.
You've got a lovely start here; keep it up! ^_^
-Socks
thank you so much!