Hypocrisy’s Ignorance

Very powerful.

I'd agree with cheska199 regarding the punctuation as it really helps with the flow and it'll help project the right emotion but I wouldn't add extra words so long as the idea's sufficiently expressed. The trick is, read it out in your head. If nothing sounds awkward and it flows nicely if you read it out as a declamation, then it should work The classic cheat is to use rhymes or syllabication but this more contemporary style is definitely more natural.

I noticed that certain words like "Justice" and "Purged" were placed in separate stanzas for more emphasis. I like the pattern but it might have been something you could have used with more consistency.

I like the way the persona was built up, especially because the second person was used even though the voice is definitely from the author (of course i may have privileged knowledge to attest to this haha - but we can deduce this from the fact that only the actual persona could know and describe all the things the 'persona' felt). The only problem with it though, is that there can be a confusion regarding who the lines are addressing - the persona or his 'enemy' (the man punched). For example, the lines:

"Coward! Coward with nothing more than words to boast!

Justice was to be served, yet justice mean different from another man to the next

Was it justice for threatening you with brother’s badge?"

- these could be initially construed to be addressed to the persona. Of course later on, readers should be able to understand that it's meant to address the other character. See what I mean?

Anyway, I hope I gave you a fair review. People will pick out at technicalities like grammar, punctuation, syllabication, pattern or style. I specifically try to keep my poetry structured and neat because I find the whole exercise fulfilling as a mental exercise (i.e. finding words that rhyme and following a syllable pattern) BUT this doesn't mean you have to follow these things as well. People have different ways and means AND regardless of all I've already said, just keep doing what you're doing. Okay? Just let it flow out into words. Keep up the good work!

Hi there! The content of your poem is very interesting and hauntingly beautiful. Is it a personification of Hypocrisy? I was writing a review, but I did not see much to fix. There may or may not be a few typos I saw, but that could be just differences in reading...either way, below, they'll have been "fixed" to what i think you mean... The flow is a little choppy, but that could be fixed with formatting and punctuation. However, the formatting is quite unique. Perhaps it could look like this.


Shocked the man must have been when fist merged with face,
(His )Mocking words (were) finally tested in fracturing blows.

You finally felt alive, dominant over higher ground,
As if the demons were exorcised with every strike you gave.

Purged
You were of pent anger,
But your reign was soon at an end.
Your domination was your downfall

(Freedom was never a known word in a beast’s dialogue)
Coward! Coward with nothing more than words to boast!

Justice was to be served,
Yet justice means different from another man to the next.
Was it justice for threatening you with brother’s badge?
Justice protected by the coward’s bearer?

Fragile he be (was?)
Never to fight own battles.

Brought you are to the enforcers of law,
The bringers of justice.
But your justice was never acknowledged.

Shunned by your own family,
Instantly believing the opposite side.
But how could they not?

A beast you are, with no control.
A beast, never accepted in (by?) the norm.
And accepted, (you) never shall be.

Back to the cage from whence you belong.
They wish to cure you of your problematic mentality;
They wish for the impossible;

For if they wish to cure you,
They should cure themselves.
For what you have is
What you have inherited by blood.

Intensity flows through you,
Passion pumps from your veins
They will never know how special you truly are.

If only they could see as you see,
And think as you think.

Might they finally understand the being that is you?


This really is beautiful.
Keep writing!