My many faces you can't deny
Your love and solace I always pry
empty wanting,
What is your favorite lie?
Broken
From innocent mirrors to wrists bleeding
Realization's rude waking
No creator, but a life with no meaning
The darkest shadow envelops me
harboring the hate within
damned screams, let me be
The gray fumes, they cloud my eyes
Like the judgment, the blind bring unto me
The hot spirit, it burns my soul
I give in to intoxication
My own heart's desperation
The bitter waters filling my delusion
Bitten lips to obsessive compulsion
Lost in thought
Thinking a step ahead
Leads back down below
Disappointment comes to those that know
The days of my joy
Like sunsets to the smell of jasmine
Companionship's smiles
Ecstatic like fireworks in July
But the tide always turns
In my life's polarity
For the day turns dark
Like the rotting walls of my mind
Washing my wounds with soap
The pain always brings false hope
That the promise of my future upholds
To grow up like hangman
No sicker story ever told
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140,397 Literary Works • 673,155 Reviews
Hey Navarro! Alex here to review your work for the Majestic Icicles team!
I think you really captured bipolar thoughts here, there were loads of images in my mind when I read this but they were quick and rushed by giving a feeling of being scared or confused. My favourite part was:
This basically sums it up in one stanza! Heck, if you wanted to this stanza could be your entire poem!
I couldn't find much wrong with this! Although I didn't really understand this bit:
I don't really understand the reference of the hangman.
Overall, nothing really wrong with this! You captured the concept very well!
I have to say you have a neck for it.
The presentation, organization and content is highly displaced in here. It brought me back some years ago when I was listening to lyrical rock bands.
The way the statements touch, poke, burn, freeze and melt inside us, all at the same time.
I felt an intense wave of brainstorm with every word you wrote. Images ran past my eyes all the time.
If I were to suggest anything, it was for you always start a line with capital letters. It's just an idea. And that's all. Take these in consideration, but valorize your style. Take some advices from people, but never forget how to write yourself into what you are writing. Ok? Keep working and never give up!!!
Made my day seeing this first thing in the morning.
This would be my first review, you've boosted my morale and I think I will write some more. Hope to see more of your helpful reactions in my newer posts.
Thank you
^^ OMG! It's still midnight where I live, but I'm happy I could make your day brighter. ^^
I swear your works are going to give me a giant nose bleed, seriously!!!!!
Thanks
use some tissue on that.