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125,020 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Wow! This was such an intriguing poem. I loved the little drawing of the butterfly on the side, and the way you used colors to explore aspects of a relationship. I think the idea of colors is such a potent idea to explore in a poem, because colors can represent so many things, such as emotion and life and our relationship with the world.
I thought it was interesting to see the way the colors represented the speaker’s feelings about the “you” in the poem. I sensed that the speaker had some resentment towards the other person, and felt like the other person was stamping over their feelings. I felt this particularly in the third stanza, when the speaker said “you just can’t see that it’s actually silver”. I also loved the fierce independence of the fourth stanza, where the speaker says “I can see blue on my own”. I felt like this was a fitting conclusion, where they took the idea of colors and the relationship into their own hands.
However, there were some aspects of the poem that I was confused about. Were the colors a metaphor or was the speaker actually losing their eyesight? I was confused as to why they could only see some colors and not others. I was also a little confused about the relationship between the speaker and the “you” of the poem. They seem to have a close relationship, as shown by the fact that they have lots of photos together, but the speaker seems to be resentful of the other person in some places. Is this just the natural push and pull of a relationship, or do they actually not like the other person? I think the message of the poem would be improved by clarifying these points.
Overall, this was a very interesting poem, with a unique perspective. I loved all the emotions and the subtleties of the poem and I thought it was really enlightening.
I just really like this metaphor, it lends itself to a lot of poetic imagery too. Like I've seen sort of the metaphor of being blind vs being able to see before, but being colorblind vs being able to see all the colors allows for even more avenues for that to go. In the line "you say that i'm turning gray now / whenever the sun's down, but you're wrong - you just can't see that it's actually silver" is such a neat way to show how the other person's perspective has become skewed - there's a lot of different situations a person could write this poem into and relate to it.
Additionally photographs is a great poetic motif and I like how the same themes from the first couple lines continue to weave through the entire poem it's very cohesive and on-theme throughout.
Very nice job! (Also agree with @Seirre, the illustration on the side adds a little "pop" to further ponder on the theme and meaning) thank you for sharing the first poetry of the month!
~alliyah
Heya Silver! Incoming review!
This is very very minor, but the use of the word "that" is unneeded. Actually, most times the word "that" is used is unnecessary and is usually used as an extra clarifier. Your poem feels intentional, like every word you used is needed. The unneeded word kind of breaks that illusion. It is the same with this line: You also use "that" a few times in the third stanza and it doesn't keep me as immersed as the first stanza.I haven't read much poetry that uses colour imagery too much. I myself am a fan of colour and it makes me happy to see a poem centered around it. The little picture is also very nice and puts a unique spin on the poem. With all that said, lets get on with the review!
I'll start with critique.
This line is interesting as I find it confusing. Who is "The girl"? Because in pervious lines you said: Here there is a "you" and an "us" so I don't know who the girl is, unless you're talking about yourself in the third person, which I could see.
Okay, done with the nitpicky critiques, time to praise your work! As I said in the beginning, I love colour, and you totally did it justice. It almost reminds me of one line I heard somewhere, "Just because you know you're colour blind doesn't mean you can see the colours."
These are beautiful lines. Like with night-mod video, we sacrifice being able to see beautiful colours for clarity because we don't know what's going on in the dark. Funnily enough, if you're using night-vision or something of the sort, it would usually be for a good reason or if you're in danger. Maybe that ties into what this type of relationship is becoming. Or maybe I'm looking too deep into it ;)
Oof <3 such a powerful ending. I don't know exactly how I interpret it but I see it as you can feel sad on your own. You don't need this other person in order for you to feel this. There are presumably other colours out there, but you aren't going to pretend that this person could hold all that beauty from the way the relationship has panned out.
But that's all I have for today. I hope you found some of this useful! I enjoyed reading this poem and I also liked the little silver reference you put in, weather intentional or not it was cute. Have a great day! Anyway byeeeeeeeeeeee<33
Silver!! The metaphor of seeing colour = reclaiming your own perspective is so well-fleshed out and effectively used in this poem. I love that you explore so many aspects of what it means to "see colour" in just four stanzas. The way you open the poem talking about choosing to see with clarity, rather than inaccurately imagining lots of bright colours, and then close the poem by saying you're no longer going to pretend a relationship is more colourful than it actually is - is just, so cohesive. *chef's kiss*. I can't forget to mention the butterfly illustration, either; it's giving me kind of stick-and-poke tattoo vibes and I love it. Keep up the fabulous writing :)