This is so incredibly beautiful! I know I'm late, but... I think I'm going to give it a shot at reviewing this. I only review things that really interest me and that I feel I can break down a lot, so let's see how this goes. : ) (I'm going to warn in advance that my reading is pretty dark and includes mentions of su*cide, depression/anxiety, and mental health problems, so this is a TW for any viewers.)
First thing I'll say is that I love the physical image of the poem. One line, and then a stanza, and then another stand-alone line. It makes it feel like... I'm trying to think of the right thing it feels synonymous to. I almost want to say it feels like the opening, body, and closing of a letter but it feels a bit more distant than that. Okay, here's a better metaphor: It feels like a road separating two sides of the same forest. The road is really the thing that's disrupting everything, and the forest feels a lot more peaceful and tranquil in comparison-- or rather, there's a certain finality to the forest sides that don't feel like they exist within the road, which I think is really interesting, especially in terms of vibes that a poem could give off. I think this one is definitely unique in that regard.
Alright, so now onto the actual words. I'm going to go chunk by chunk and analyze each line in-depth (or as in-depth as I have the capacity to do XD) and then move on. I'll also talk about how lines connect and such from the reader's point of view. : )
you were never really here to begin with.
This is such a powerful and strong line to start the poem off, and especially with short poetry, every line counts. I love that you don't capitalize throughout the poem because it gives a certain simplicity that can be hard to achieved otherwise. It's like the messages you're giving go beyond the grammatical rules (or, possibly as a metaphor, the societal rules of life).
but it's still like you never left,
from the way i sit in shotgun seats
and imagine you're to my side if i turn my head.
So I love the contrast of the person never really being there but also feeling like they never left. Already, this is giving me some strong mental illness vibes, especially since things like depression and anxiety can make a person disassociate and feel like they're not really there; it can also make them distant and seem like their mind is always wondering. Even if you're physically with the person, you can't tell if they're with you mentally. The use of shotgun, while I understand the phrase of calling shotgun, also makes me think of su*cide. Since you could've used "passenger seats", this feels like a very purposeful hint in that direction. Looking to the side and trying to see if someone is there is such a relatable feeling; it also feels very metaphorical. To me, it gives the imagery of seeing a ghost out of the corner of your eye, and turning and finding out they're not there. The left in Western society is also often associated with the past, since we read left to right, and in the US, where I am, the driver's seat is to the left side. This feels like a direct hint that they're someone from the last and you're looking "back" at them, only to realize they're just a ghost now.
The idea that this person was in the driver's seat also gives the message that they pushed a lot of the relationship and were a big driving force in the narrator's life, and now they're gone. This could mean that the narrator now has no sense of direction and they feel lost without that person "driving" and "steering" them anymore. (This could be me reading way too deep into this, but I think the whole point of poetry is getting a message out of it that works for you, even if it's not a message the author intended to write, because poetry is about the author but it's also about the reader and their journey through the poem if that makes sense.)
here, the river moves on, the trees do not.
Since this is a single sentence and the next full sentence is several lines, I decided to look at this sentence alone instead of grouping two sentences together.
Alrighty, so this is some really powerful imagery and thoughts that go into it. You're definitely playing on the idea of there being no driver anymore. This person is getting into the shotgun seat on instinct even when there's no one to drive them, and then they're just sitting still waiting for something to happen, but without that person anymore, they stay still. The trees aren't moving because the car (their life) isn't moving forward anymore. The river (the world as a whole, or maybe a spiritual river) is still moving because it feels like everyone around them is still moving, but they just can't anymore. Their personal life isn't moving forward even as they see people in the distance (the river) able to continue moving perfectly.
maybe i'll end up like the boy
who took a wrong turn from the library
and write you a letter from the lake.
Wow, I want to cry. This is such a sad (beautifully written, but sad) poem. The boy is the person who the narrator has been addressing obviously; it plays to the idea that the conscious knows that they are gone (hence, the third person) but the unconscious still thinks of them as there (hence, the almost letter-like format of the whole thing). The boy was a nerdy person who enjoyed books and most likely enjoyed things like writing, possibly enjoyed school, but they ended up struggling with mental illness and instead of going home, they ended up at the lake. Presumably, this means that the boy drowned himself in the lake (at least, that's how I'm reading it). The narrator is really struggling with that loss, and is considering going to the lake, and they're not sure if they want to go because they're struggling with not following in the boy's footsteps ("maybe i'll end up like the boy") or if it's because they just want to get closer to the boy one more time ("write you a letter from the lake").
I'm not sure if you're the narrator and these are your real feelings-- and it's not my place to ask or assume. That's why I'm writing this and addressing them as the narrator, not as the author; they're not always the same, and even if they are, sometimes addressing it as the author can feel too harsh because as authors, we tend to pour so much of our emotions inadvertently into things like poetry, and having to face suddenly that we're writing our emotions can be really hard and almost traumatic. I write this because if possible, I might be about to hit a truth nail really hard and it might really hurt; or it might not. This might not be you at all; you could always skip this next paragraph if you think it might be too much to handle emotionally (just because I've been there, and it can be really hard to handle emotionally coming to terms with your own emotions like that.) I'm also putting a little division so if you want to, you can skip over it.
~~~
In the struggle of choosing between staying alive and... purposely not, there are a lot of really strong emotions that come into play. The narrator ends up at the lake, and my take on it is that to avoid following in the boy's footsteps, they're writing a letter to distract themselves. They're trying hard not to follow in those footsteps and it can be a really hard struggle; that's the whole point of the
~~~
(or maybe i'll listen to enjoy the silence instead.)
Because of the italics and the wording of this, I decided that this was probably a reference to a song. I looked it up and there is a song called "Enjoy the Silence" by Depeche Mode. I'm not sure if this song was intended by the author or not, but after looking at the lyrics, it definitely matches the poem. It's a song of betrayal and pain and being hurt by the people that you're closest to. A lot of times, people are not just sad when a friend of theirs passes away, especially in the aforementioned way, but they can also be angry; angry that maybe they weren't enough, that their friend didn't care enough about them to stay, that they couldn't do enough for their friend; there are countless reasons, and I won't try to list them all. The song's lyrics carry a very angry tone and message, one of betrayal but also a hint of sadness, which definitely lends itself to the poem in a way that hadn't been expressed before. It's as if the narrator wants to express that anger and betrayal they've felt, but they're afraid to, so instead they try to cover it up by using a song name that most might not understand or look into.
It also brings up the imagery of a car again, because playing music in the car is how a lot of people pass the time. It made me wonder if this was a song that was special to the narrator and the boy, or if it was just a song that fit well lyrically with the letter and its feelings.
maybe the raindrops will break the windshield
So I'm finally circling all the way back to the title. The first thing that pops out is the water-- the only other instance of water in the poem is the lake, where the boy went and never returned from. I'm also not sure if it was intentional, but I just realized that the boy used to love the library and spend his time in the library (which may just be a metaphor for the boy's personality) and that the one thing that absolutely ruins books and libraries is water. (In this case, the boy's personality was hurt and killed by his struggles with mental health that the water symbolizes.)
The water, like I just mentioned, has been used for a lot of dark things about mental health in the poem, which makes me feel like the windshield of the car (their life) is being bombarded with raindrops (mental health issues) and the narrator is feeling like it's close to cracking and breaking. If water broke the windshield, it would be conceivable that the person might drown, the same way the boy passed away, bringing it full circle. The narrator, because of the boy, is now struggling with their mental health and isn't sure whether or not it's going to break them and whether or not they'll succumb to it.
Alright, so that's all the review that I have for you. I... really didn't have any critiques at all, but I'm hoping my insight might be helpful all the same? I have no idea if I read this poem the way you intended it to be read or anticipated it being read, but while it's extremely sad, I really like the interpretation because of how brilliantly it means the poem was written. It's so hard to write short poetry and still give a huge message, and you managed to pack a REALLY big story into very few words. You should be extremely proud of yourself.
As with anyone I review, I'd be more than happy to discuss your work with you through the comments or in my PMs if you're interested, and I'm also here just to talk about life if there's anything you're struggling with, or just talk even if you're not. Thanks for publishing this and letting me have the privilege of reading this amazing work (I really cannot say it enough: this poem is AMAZING), and I hope you enjoyed my review or at least got something out of it in some way. I hope you have an amazing day, and please remember: you are loved. You are cared for. You are worthy. <3
~Winter
I’ll give honest feedback, but nothing at all is intended to hurt or discourage you in any way at all! <3 So, without waiting any longer, let’s get right into it and digest the spectabulous piece of literary work!
Points: 5175
Reviews: 33
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