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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hi there, thank you for writing such a stunning poem. I just wanted to say how much I love the atmosphere you create consistently throughout, of solitude, decay, and melancholy. It is intense and I love that because it really grips me as a reader and makes me emotionally connect with the speaker. My favorite lines are 'at this point, i am just holding my cobweb heart, and asking it not to bloom in red this year' this really resonated with me through the conflicting imagery of the 'cobweb heart' - brittle, decaying - and 'bloom in red' - strong, passionate and full of life. Beautiful work. You remind me why I love poetry
Hey there! Plume here, with a review!
This is a stunning poem. Just... everything. Wow. Love it. Like other people have said, the imagery is really great. I also think the flow of it was also delightfully superb. That first line was killer, and the rest of the poem only went up from there.
The imagery/word choice in this is amazing. I feel like it would be really cool as like, an illustrated/animated poem, it's that vivid. Like I mentioned before, the first line sets the bar high right away. Spiderwebs are so distinct in their form and characteristics, so it immediately drags you in. I love how you continued it throughout the poem too, with little nods to it along the way. I also really enjoyed those words like "wasteland," "desolation," and "battleground." They provide such hopeless connotations that one can't help but feel for the speaker of the poem. When combined with the spiderweb metaphor about the speaker helplessly watching as their metaphorical spider webs end up trapping the people they care about, it forms a very heartbreaking tale.
One thought I had while reading this was about the unmentioned spider. You never said a word about any spider, but that last stanza made me curious. On their own, spiderwebs usually don't have the power to turn anyone into "a battleground," but if there's a spider living in them, that's a different story. I was curious whether you had a sort of spider in mind while writing this poem, or if that's something completely unintentional and I'm reading way too much into this poem. To me, the spider seems to be perhaps the speaker's actions/words/choices that end up hurting the people they love who get stuck in their web.
Specifics
I really loved that transition from the palm of the hand to text on a billboard. I think it's one of those aforementioned pieces of imagery that would just look so cool animated, so much so that the reader's brain almost animates it for you. I would say that billboards seems a little off; to me, billboards are more like advertisements for stuff that you see on the side of a highway or interstate. I feel like posters/signposts would maybe work better in this line. Or like, street signs? I don't know. Unless you intended it to show how the speaker is widely advertising the fact that they're hazardous, in which case I think it works well. It just takes a little more thought versus the original, seeming misplacement.
Technically, I think the grammatically correct version of this line would use "she" and "he" rather than "her" and "him," but honestly, I think it sounds better the way you have it. I also really enjoyed how you put "her" first, since I feel like the traditional way to do it is to put "him" first, but it was a nice little subversion of linguistic pronoun/gender norms.
Overall: nice work!! Your imagery and flow worked wonderfully together to craft this heartbreaking yet beautiful poem. You should be proud. I hope to read more of your poetry on the site soon! Until next time!!
Thank you so much, Plume, your reviews are always great!!
I absolutely love the imagery!
Yo this is so good! Loving the imagery!
Hi!
This is absolutely incredible.
I loved the unique imagery that you utilized in this poem,
and the fact that it is formatted uniquely with a different font.
The lack of capitalization helps to better portray the message.
Thanks so much for sharing this!!
oh my GOSH the imagery in this poem <3
<333
You should change billboards to something else. It doesn't match your extended metaphor but is a great line.
This poem is so good by the way.
I'd delete the rip my shadow line, it's good but not for this poem.
Keep billboards, it's familiar and works better for that reason than changing it.