Young Writers Society

this poem was really good. i liked your style and the lyrical tune.
"But every night I hear the same old song

A song which tells a story never ending,
A song which says that I'd rather be pretending."
I really appreciate you that you explain all the points, like in here you told about a song and then told what is that song about. i say such connections throughout the poem and i really really likes it.
however there are a few points that i would like to suggest corrections in-


"Even after you stole my heart…

Even after you broke my heart…"- the tune here is a bit disturbed by the repetition of the same word " heart". think about it and i am sure you would be able to come up with something more appropriate without affecting the sense.
"Without knowing any feelings for me are long gone." i suggest here you use " your feelings" in place of " any feelings", as other people might as well be compassionate for you, and you are not yet emotionally barren as you can feel the pain.
keep writing, you have good potential in you and make the best of it.
rituparna

Hello, SilloriaD.

I'm Morrigan, here to review your poem.

First of all, I've been in this place. Unrequited love stings. Like, really stings. And it stinks, too. That's why there are so many poems have been written about it.

That's where your problems begin. This subject, while very relevant to many people, has been tired out. It's so tired that it's difficult to present it in a way that it hasn't been presented before. And while I can feel the emotion in your poem (good job conveying that), it's not presented in a way that makes me as a reader feel anything for the narrator other than a tiny twinge of sympathy. Which is a good start.

The first thing I noticed about your poem is your ellipses. Take them all out. Ellipses rarely do anything good for a poem, and in this case, it weakens what you've got to say by trailing off into a fog of uncertainty.

Second, you have some cliches lurking here. Watch out for the fish in the sea line, the "I'm stuck on you" line, the broken heart line. There are a few more, but these were the worst offenders. Try to find a new way to say these things. Instead of fish in the sea, let's look at saying something like "there are other galaxies in the night sky
but I'm being sucked into this black hole" or something like that. I'm not trying to write this for you, but I'm just trying to spark your imagination.

Watch out for calling someone perfect. Perfect doesn't exist, and thus doesn't give any image to the reader. I'm not saying you have to describe this other person, but I think that you should find a different adjective to describe this other person.

I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy YWSing!

The theme of this poem is in fact about unreachable dreams. Some writers are a little random with themes. This is an interesting poem because it has a story to go with it. I find that it is a good question/statement. It kept me hoping for an answer, I hope that your dreams do come true. This is a poem that I find challenges your expectations, in my opinion.
Great Job!