There's a certain oddity to devotion-
She'll give you her all, she'll ask for none
Even if your words beat and batter her heart
Or your silence slices her softened soul
She'll always return, forever faithful
And you'll find none quite so assuring.
There's a certain clarity in devotion-
She'll be honest, she'll remain true
Even if the words shatter your resolve
Or you wish for silence to soothe your suffering
She'll say exactly what must be heard
And you'll fine none quite so brutal.
There's a certain anger to devotion-
She'll never go away, she'll beg to help
Even if you want to be left alone, unscathed
Or you tell her you don't feel the same
She'll say it's okay, that she can wait for change
And you'll find none quite so frustrating.
There's a certain oddity to devotion.
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Great! Very concise, to the point. I like that in poems. Sometimes simplicity is great.
One thing I must commend you for is how this writing flows. Not necessarily with rhythm, I don't personally believe that is a necessity, but moreso in the language used and how it's almost spoken word which really adds to the 'heartfeltness' haha!
So yes your language chosen here is very good, the only suggestion I can give is to try to expand your vocab a bit more, I mean, if you want it to be simplistic, then DO NOT CHANGE A THING IT IS PERFECT! but if you want to go that one step further then don't be afraid to use fancy words.
You're great. Keep writing, I look forward to reading and reviewing your works! - Tiana
I tried to keep the insane vocabulary to a minimum, as one of the last poems I wrote- which I did not upload here, but shared with friends in person- had an issue of the readers not knowing what half the words meant.
I tried to keep the insane vocabulary to a minimum, as one of the last poems I wrote- which I did not upload here, but shared with friends in person- had an issue of the readers not knowing what half the words meant.
I tried to keep the insane vocabulary to a minimum, as one of the last poems I wrote- which I did not upload here, but shared with friends in person- had an issue of the readers not knowing what half the words meant.
I tried to keep the insane vocabulary to a minimum, as one of the last poems I wrote- which I did not upload here, but shared with friends in person- had an issue of the readers not knowing what half the words meant.
I tried to keep the insane vocabulary to a minimum, as one of the last poems I wrote- which I did not upload here, but shared with friends in person- had an issue of the readers not knowing what half the words meant.
Oh my, I don't know why it posted that response so many times. So sorry!
Yeah, in that case, stick with simple vocab, yeah. I think it depends on the audience to be honest
and no problem, but I did feel quite popular when it showed I got 8 notifications 
Great! Very concise, to the point. I like that in poems. Sometimes simplicity is great.
One thing I must commend you for is how this writing flows. Not necessarily with rhythm, I don't personally believe that is a necessity, but moreso in the language used and how it's almost spoken word which really adds to the 'heartfeltness' haha!
So yes your language chosen here is very good, the only suggestion I can give is to try to expand your vocab a bit more, I mean, if you want it to be simplistic, then DO NOT CHANGE A THING IT IS PERFECT! but if you want to go that one step further then don't be afraid to use fancy words.
You're great. Keep writing, I look forward to reading and reviewing your works! - Tiana
Hello!
Haven't reviewed for a bit so thought I'd give it a go here!
This is a very short, sweet, and to the point poem. I enjoy the fact that you don't just talk about "love", but you go into one of the major players in that love. This hit weirdly close to home for me, considering recent events with me and an ex. Always give points for being relatable.
Besides that, I will say that this is a bit too simple. Like you have the skeleton to a very nice, very emotional piece, but that's it. I suggest you flesh this out, perhaps build the relationship a bit more with some backstory of how the two met or how long they were together. Were they a happy couple? Was it abusive? Why'd he leave? Why'd they break up? Does he still care about her? These are all interesting questions you can answer very easily in your work.
Continue to write, and hope to see more soon,
~Maddie
Thank you r your review!
I want to be clear that this was not intended to be some sort of narrative about a specific couple, but about the concept of devotion itself. The piece never mentions one person leaving, because the story would cloud over the message I'm attempting to send. There is no relationship present in the poem I intended to write. Still, poetry is a thing best left to interpretation of the reader. If you see something here unintended, then I appreciate your point of view.
Well, I will point out that by putting in the terms "She" and "He", you have incidentally put in a narrative. You've also hinted at events in this couple's relationship, such as;
"She'll never go away, she'll beg to help
Even if you want to be left alone, unscathed
Or you tell her you don't feel the same"
You're talking about a fallout.
And the idea of devotion won't be fogged by adding that, if anything it may give it more credit if she does continue to care for him and they're able to work things out. Devotion isn't about being in a perfect relationship, it's about being there for someone no matter what happens, even if they don't recognize it and go a different path for a time.
Using a relationship to explain the concept is probably the best idea for this.
Hey there! I’m here to review your beautiful poem. While reading this, I felt myself easily relating to this, making this poem easy to relate to adds to the interest in reading it. I found the different “phases” of devotion to be quite alluring. The switch from oddity to clarity and anger shows how devotion can be helpful, but sometimes we don’t see it and find it quite annoying. I think this poem was beautifully written and has great structure. The only thing I’d add is more detail in this character you wrote about. What is her motivation? Why is she so devoted? Things like that. Also, watch for small little typos (I’m super guilty of this myself). However, overall the tone and style this is written in portrays the story beautifully and is super easy to connect with.
Keep writing, you're an amazing writer!
~GalaxyUnicornz
[ Edit ]
Hey there! I’m here to review your beautiful poem. While reading this, I felt myself easily relating to this, making this poem easy to relate to adds to the interest in reading it. I found the different “phases” of devotion to be quite alluring. The switch from oddity to clarity and anger shows how devotion can be helpful, but sometimes we don’t see it and find it quite annoying. I think this poem was beautifully written and has great structure. The only thing I’d add is more detail in this character you wrote about. What is her motivation? Why is she so devoted? Things like that. Also, watch for small little typos (I’m super guilty of this myself). However, overall the tone and style this is written in portrays the story beautifully and is super easy to connect with.
Keep writing, you're an amazing writer!
~GalaxyUnicornz