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Prologue: Death to the King: Kari's Beginning

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Rain splattered the stain-glass windows, sliding off of the smooth gray stones. Thunder rumbled through the sky, lighting split the sky in two. Tree branches lashed through the sky leaves flying throughout the air. The dark silhouette of birds darted through the sky, screaming in fright. In a moment of silence, when the wind paused and the birds were quiet, horse hooves trampled through the air. They were fast and furious, a flash of lightning showing a dark cloak rider atop a silver-pelted beast. Then the silence was gone, filling the air once more. Storm clouds whipped through the sky, casting a dark, wicked and gloomy glow on to the once cheerful land. The horse snorted, tossing her white mane against the harsh rain. The rider slapped his reins against her neck, urging her onward.

"Hiya!" He screamed, once again digging his heels into her side.

She whined with protest, but kept onward, heading for the dark shape of the castle ahead. A single opening stuck out through the darkness, a flickering flame shimmering through an arch in the stone. A loud creaking filled the air, screeching against its hinges in protest.

"WAIT!" He screamed. "Wait!!! Hold the gates!!" His voice cracked as he strained to raise it above the wind.

His hood was whipped off as a bolt of lightning clashed through the sky. a mop of long, shaggy black hair whipping about a pale oval face. Green eyes shone through the night, dark as the winter wind and full of panic. By some miracle, the watchmen heard him. A silver helmet shinning against the night, pulled back and waved down at the guards below them.

"Hold the gates!!" The man screamed.

He raced his mare through the gates, the edges of the wrought iron gate scraping gently against her pelt, making her scream out in pain.

"Prince Galdin!" One of the guards yelled her voice tight with surprise and hurried formality.

Galdin reared back his horse, the steed flailing her hooves against the stark night air. "Have you received any news from the castle?!" He yelled in return, unable to see who was calling out to him.

"Your father- King Linus- he has very little time!" A man ran from the guard tower, his brown hair falling smoothly down into his face.

Galdin locked eyes with his momentarily, hazel with green. "Keep the gates closed."

The man nodded and Galdin was off again, this time the hooves of his steed echoing of cobblestone, bouncing off of the stone buildings around them, vanishing into the soaked oak wood. Closer and closer the palace came, a dark shadow against the even blacker sky. Guards screamed at him to halt as he neared, but he sped up, ignoring their raised bows.

"Don't shoot!" A young boy screamed.

Out raced a boy of about seven or eight, silver hair shinning in the light of a burning flame. He grabbed the mare’s reins as Galdin slowed her to a halt.

"Father!" He cried. "Grandfather....he's dying!"

Galdin waved his hands, signaling to one of the guards. "Take him inside." He swung his leg off his steed, landing smoothly on the ground.

"Let me come with you!"

He placed his hand gently on his son's shoulder. "Rilan, my son, a King's death bead is no place for a young prince." His tone was gentle, but allotted no room for argument.

One of the guards walked forward, taking the boy's hand in his and drawing him away quickly and quietly. Galdin watched as his son left his sight, lighting turning his hair from dull silver to a shinning metal. Then he was off, his black cloak whipping about his shoulders as he ran towards the castle doors, his feet pounding into the puddles that filled the crevices along the stoned pathway. He threw his shoulder to the door upon reaching it, throwing it open forcefully, his eyes wild with desperation. Highly-polished marble floors greeted him, columns of pure ivory spiralling up to a dome ceiling. Two smooth sets of polished stone stairs adorned the front room, one hugging the wall to the left, the other the right. Fifteen steps brought Galdin to the right stair case. His hand clamped upon the hard oak railing, gliding over the smooth polish with a childhood established ease. His feet echoed around the vaulted room, the sound of his labored breathing and heavy footsteps ringing in his ears with every step he took. At the top step he stopped, clutching his stomach and doubling over, a rasping sound escaping from in-between his lips. Even I cannot run forever. He thought distantly as he fought to regain his breath. A scream shattered the air around him, followed by the hard, cold sobs of a devastation. No. Then he was racing again, turning corners as easily as one might turn a page. He stopped at the end of a seemingly endless hallway, staring at the polished oak doors that lay before him, one of them thrown ajar. He slowed his pace to a steady, but quick walk, nudging the door open slowly and softly, unwilling to disturb the bleak cloud of devastation that hung over the room. A women sat in an old wood chair, her head bent, silky black hair handing around her head in a dark curtain. She sat beside a four-poster bed, the velvet red curtains falling gracefully around the edges, hiding the sorrow behind their luxurious appearance.

"Madison?" He said softly, his boots silent on the dark blue carpet.

She looked up at him, green eyes fixated on his desperate face. “He was asking for you.” Her voice was hoarse and rigid.

Another step forward drove him to his knees. “Father…” Galdin’s voice echoed around the stone chamber.

He dropped his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking beneath his cloak, muffled sobs escaping him. He bowed his head, shame washing over him. I'm to late. Thunder clashed outside a dark stain glass window, lighting illumined the world once more. A scream echoed below them, high-pitched and horror-filled. Galdin’s head shot up, his tears frozen on his tanned skin. He pushed himself to one knee, his right hand straying to a sword at his hip. Madison stood up hastily, her chair falling backwards with a dull clang.

“Stay back.” He ordered her, swiftly getting to his feet. His soaked air flickered in the fire light.

He moved closer to the door, his hand hovering above the handle. It flew open at his touch, a silver-haired women standing on the other side, her dark blue eyes frantic with panic.

“Galdin!” She flung herself forward into his arms, sobbing hysterically.

He caught her tightly in her arms, holding her upright, confusion fighting against grief behind his eyes. “Acostacia?”

Madison hitched up her long black skirts, racing to her sister-in-law’s side. “Acostacia what is it?”

“It’s Regan!” Her words were slurred with hysteria. “He’s gone! I went to check on him and he wasn't in bed! I just put him down a few moments ago!”

Galdin’s eyes darkened slightly. He handed his wife over to Madison, drawing his weapon from its holster. “Galdin!” Madison chimed. “You cannot leave! Our father has just died!” Her voice held an unwavering authority.

His fixed her with a cold stare. “And my son is missing. Nothing else is of greater importance.”

She gasped slightly, her hand jumping to her mouth. Her stare hardened to one of anger as she watched her brother race from the room, shouting for guards. Acostacia sobbed against her, her slim shoulders trembling beneath her silky white nightgown. Together, they listened to the frantic noises of the castle dim until there were no more. Silence filled the room, the young princesses sobs quieted to a dull whimper. Acostacia drew away from Madison then, her back straight as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

“I can’t believe he bought that miserable act.” She snorted a laugh hiding behind her eyes.

Madison rolled her eyes. “You know my brother.” She muttered. “He’ll believe anything; even that our father died from a viral outbreak.” Her eyes wandered back to the bed, disdain revealing it’s self on her lovely features. “It took him nearly four hours to die.” She returned her gaze to Acostacia. “Your sure no one will find the boy?”

Acostacia nodded. “Rilan will become heir to the throne, as planned.”

Madison turned to a large oak desk, her skirts ruffling around her ankles as she moved. Her slender fingers closed around a small steel knob, pulling open a narrow drawer. Reaching her hand deep inside, she pulled out a thin piece of parchment paper.

"Your going to need to be ready for a full out investigation. Regan, desire his age, was rather favored by the people. They will not stop until they find him." She turned back to Acostacia, looking down her nose at the younger women. "You are now Queen of this Kingdom, Acostacia. All that's left is to get Galdin out of the way and we will have complete control."

A small voice broke in, timid and fearful. “Mother?”

Both women turned eyes wide and surprised. A young child stood in the doorframe, his minty green eyes wide with speculation. He looked to be around eight or nine years of age. Silver hair fell down his face, shinning against his pale skin. Soaked clothing clung to his small frame, slick and black with water.

“Mother.” He repeated again, his tone more stubborn. “What has happened to my brother?”

Acostacia appeared stunned, unsure of what to say. Finally, she let her face split into a sickly sweet smile. “Rilan, honey, come to mommy.” She reached for her son.

Rilan narrowed his eyes, stepping back. “Where is Regan!”

Madison swept in then, looming over the boy, her eyes dark with fury. “Do not talk to you mother like that.” She hissed. Her hand fastened around the boy’s arm and she jerked him inside the room. “You will regret ever showing your miserable little face.”

“Madison wait!” Slight panic overpowered Madison. “Rilan is supposed to take the throne! He would have found out eventually.”

Madison turned her head slowly, locking eyes with Acostacia’s, grinning wickedly. “There’s been a change of plans.”

Comments & reviews · 2
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Chaser
Review
Chaser wrote a review · Thu Sep 10, 2015 9:51 pm

Review time.

Tree branches lashed through the sky leaves flying throughout the air. The dark silhouette of birds darted through the sky, screaming in fright.

The first two sentences were awesome. They set up the tone well and drew the reader in. However, the flow and picture get a little strange here when you say that "Tree branches lashed through the sky." The first sentence set up a view of the castle. The second sentence looked at the sky. But the third sentence looked up at the sky from beneath the trees. It's a little hard to imagine that shift right away if we don't know that our rider is travelling beneath the trees. And all this is inferred from the fact that the branches lashed through the "sky." Maybe you could say they lashed at the sky or through the air?
Also, pertaining to the "birds" sentence: this is the point where the reader wants something to happen. It seems a bit superfluous to keep having detail, so I'd suggest either moving or combining these sentences. Most of this is opinion, but the beginning is the quintessential hook for the reader.

horse hooves trampled through the air.

Is it the hooves themselves or the sound thereof?

Try not to use "dark" too much. There's a plethora of words that would suffice even better.

As for your plot and style, I can say assuredly that they're top-notch. The characters are their perfect blend of valiant, innocent and despicable that seems common in dramatic politics. Your style of description would be better conveyed if you split the paragraphs, but what I could decipher was satisfying indeed.

Overall, a decent start to an amazing plot. I look forward to seeing where this goes. Cheers!


-Chaser

Thank you so much :)

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Steggy
Review
Steggy wrote a review · Sun Sep 06, 2015 8:53 pm

Hello!

Here for a review!

In the beginning, you use a lovely setting with the use of imagery as the feeling of danger and sadness could be felt. It also seems to foreshadow events ;). I liked the actions of the characters in this prologue as it gives a setting around what is happening and how it is going to progress into danger for some.

I enjoyed the characters but Madison; she seem evil and could have killed the King? You definitely made her seem evil and hated disliked by readers (unless some people are into evil people which most people are).

Don't force so much description in one chapter; even though it does help the reader imagine the setting and all, don't add so much that is overfills it (however you can wish to keep it). Also that big chuck in the middle; try rewording it all into some paragraphs since it doesn't seem readable and the reader might not want to read it all at once.

Overall, this was an suspenseful chapter and I liked it. I hopefully will get to read more of your work in the future.
Steggy

Thank you! And Madison is kinda evil :P lol but thanks so much!

-Sillia



"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves."
— William Shakespeare