As soon as the sun between clouds, red light falling on the green trees comes to mind is passion. Gray sky provides peace of mind and slow cold air gives a feeling of freshness. This view of the nature is so beautiful. I lost myself in this atmosphere. Suddenly I hear a voice. I'll look and get lost in the making of nature. Black curly hair, deep blue eyes and pink lips afraid the word out - listen. I say yes, how can I help you? Then came the thundering voice and she said nervously, I live in a nearby village. I forget the way of my village. Will you help me go to my house? I just kept looking at her innocent face and nodded yes. Then we start walking towards his house. I forgot everything in her beauty, and we just started walking with brisk steps. The rain has begun. we decided to stay a little letter. We stopped under a dense tree. I looked into her eyes and stopped the rain in awhile we both started walking again. Just arrived we were only half way up the river came away on which a narrow bamboo bridge was built, we move forward slowely slowely on it. Suddenly slipped her foot and she caught my hand tightly. As soon as we crossed the bridge, she embraced hug me and I stroked her back. Then came the sound of something falling and my eyes opended. I found myself on the bed and that was the end of a beautiful dream. Since then till today I’m searching her visitation in my shadow. I searched ................
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
that is so beautiful!!!!!
DAMN GINA! I liked this. The description of nature, the beautiful girl, the feeling that it was to perfect- it was great! I like the tittle you chose for this post, it really reflects the contents of this piece perfectly. This tittle really brought me to this post, it just looked really interesting. I love the build up to the point where you made it seem that they would fall in love, but instead the guy wakes up.
Your grammar and spelling could be better, but it's fine. Minor edits here or there. Keep up the good work, I'm out
Heyy Shubham! Sapphire to the review!
First of all I liked the title of you're short story and second of all the theme and the plot.
Now the editing part:
I liked the story but you should elongated it a bit because when I was reading I felt like all the scenes very going very vast like the protagonist was walking and then he sees a girl and so on.... you should have made it a bit slow and should have put up emotions and yeah (I hope you understood).
Major edition part:
"we decided to stay a little letter"
Its supposed to be:
"We decided to stay for a while"
" I looked into her eyes and stopped the rain in awhile we both started walking again"
You can change it to:
" I looked into her eyes and the rain stopped in awhile and then we both started walking again"
" we move forward slowely slowely on it".
Change it like this:
"We move slowly move forward on it"
" she embraced hug me and I stroked her back"
you change it:
"She embraced me and I stroked her back".
You don't have to say 'embraced hug' together because they mean the same.
"I just kept looking at her innocent face and nodded yes. Then we start walking towards his house".
Okay the point that was confusing me while I was going through the piece was she asks you to show the way to her village and you agree and take her. You looked into her innocent face you started walking to her house not to his. Did you put that wontedly?
Now the last sentence:
"Since then till today I’m searching her visitation in my shadow. I searched ................"
The searched should be I will be searching or something of that sort.
Anyway you could have made it a good piece!
good luck!
FuturAuthor,
SapphireFlames