Day Dreams

Short, simple, and effective in getting emotion across, but the understanding is jumbled, if you understand what I mean. There isn't a clear order to the message, and the grammar doesn't help. You never heard of hope, or you didn't listen to it? Did you think hatefully, or think of hate? You caused deny to yourself? Do you mean denial? Maybe of yourself? What were you denying? And as for growing up - are you scared to? It happens to almost everybody, and those who have don't seem all that worse for the wear. Or did it happen already, because you were terrified? A jumbled ziti mess is what I make of it. Just as good tasting, but less orderly than lasagna. Overall, an A+ for effect, but a C for the point.

Happy Review Month, Shootingmoons!

I'm here leaving a review for the checklist challenge!

So, let's get started:

Even though this is short, it's still effective in its emotions. And it delivers in the simplicity. I like how all the lines are short. It gets to the point of the poem. I think it's interesting that all the letters except for "I" are lower-case. I wonder if that's a stylistic choice or personal. Also, I noticed that the only punctuation is a question mark when there could be a period or a comma too. That's probably a choice too, so I'll respect that.

I had caused deny

to myself

hello, Ash here for a review
a few things before i say what i think
I never heard hope(add period)

I thought hate(add period)

I had caused deny

to myself (try rewording the last two lines, it doesnt really make sense. also add a period after myself)

I wonder what are you doing,

you'll grow up

I was terrified
ALRIGHTY
so all i can really say is to expand on your idea, as of right now reading this, i have no clue what you're talking about, but i would love to know what you're talking about.
keep up the amazing writing
i look forward to seeing more from you in the future!
best!
>Ash

I thought this was a good, short poem! It definitely conveys a lot of emotion through its simplicity. I liked the alliteration you had in the first line (heard hope), whether intentional or not. It added to the poem, but it felt kind of lonely. Lonely not in reference to what you're trying to convey in the poem, but just like a lonely line of alliteration when I think you could have used more alliteration to your power and help convey the message and themes you had in this poem. The poem also kind of jumps around a lot, making it flow less, yet at the same time, the discrepancies between the lines help create the tone of the piece. My last piece of advice is stanzas. There are a few places in the poem where you need to separate it from the others. Besides that, this a pretty god first poem and I liked it!

HI shootingmoons rodger here for a hopefully short review.
According to my understanding this poem talks about somone how had hope in samthing and was kind of dissaponintant, l say "kind of" beacouse that they way l interpratet this poem.
The are no major mistakes to this poem because it is very short.
The only think l could ctritizes you on is the very shortness in length of this poem, like l believe it can develop into something great. maybe change some lines for eg. I never had hope
All I thought of was hate
I refused to except
l caused deny to myself
This is just an example to what you can do, and l would advise you to try to be more specific try to implement feeling and a bit of emotion. Besides that great job
And remember to keep on writing.,.,.

Hey Corrupted Arrow here with a review!
(The Comma Police is here! Anything I say here is just constructive criticism. If I offend you in any way, I apologize in advance.(I will try to be humorous.)

This is really good! I'm not sure about anything else, but I know that you will produce great work if it is like this.

From what I can see you don't have any grammar and/or comma mistakes. Keep up the writing, have a good day.