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140,113 Literary Works • 673,017 Reviews
Firstly, watch your diction very carefully when trying to construct something that feels ageless and epic. "Got it wrong" is a very modern-feeling phrase and shatters whatever you'd built before that.
Aside from that, though I get that there is fire and a desire for revenge, I don't understand the submissive place that this character is fighting from. If this character is as powerful as he/she claims, why do the people he/she wants to hurt think he/she is so stupid/weak? And if there are books and songs about this character, why would they think that in the first place?
I want to know more about this discrepancy, because it seems like it could be powerful. Now, in my mind, I imagine a dragon, partly because of your avatar, so why would people underestimate a dragon after all the myth and epicness that is put into them? What did they try to do? Also, why's a dragon got a knife if it can command fire? And if it's a person, why can it command fire? Or is the knife just reflecting fire and so seeming like fire? Hmm.
Give me a sight of where this is happening, please. Show me the time / place / people that surround this inner rant, so I can get a better idea of how true this rage is, what it's caused by. It'll be hard to do, because someone explaining something they already know to themselves is cheesy. Like:
'they hurt me so bad
when they pillaged my loot'
is completely ingenuine, and nothing like that should be written, but you can find ways to hint at the truth to us.
Good luck,
experiment with longer lines,
and let me know if you have any questions, okay?
Hey, shadowwriter1! Euph here to review your poem c:
Let me just start off by saying that this is one of my favorites that I have read all day. I simply have no complaints. Though, I will compliment your tactics on creating a vivid image for the reader, which allows us to become deeply enthralled in what we are reading, and wrapped around your finger, giving you our full attention. I love your structure. There is nothing that I would fix, other than to possibly expand on your vocabulary.
Overall, it's a great poem, one of my favorites. This poem has truly great potential! Keep up the good work, kiddo. I hope to be hearing a lot more of your work in the upcoming future. If you have any questions, feel free to either message me or post a comment upon my wall.
Sincerely yours,
Euph
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