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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Great poem, although I don't think I fully understand it, but, no matter, I enjoyed what I understood!
I'm pretty sure that the poem is about love, or the "Eternal living fire", that you call it. The last stanza is simply beautiful and describes it excellently, it definitely stands out to me as being the strongest of the lot.
The opening stanza is strong, and creates a beautiful image of harmony and disharmony (a recurring motif in the poem), and the antithesis of the "beauty" and "mutiny" only serves to highlight this. However, you've misspelled "radient" - was this intentional?
The second stanza is powerful, too, however, I don't like how it ends and I'm not fully sure on the imagery of the "glowing red tear". Although I do like how it spicens up the poem with a bit of colourful flavour. On a more technical note, I think it's there to highlight the contrasting emotions, that love evokes: "For every little kiss, there's a little tear-drop", is perhaps the best way I think it can be described.
I was not a fan of the next verse, the second and fourth lines threw me off, and I think the poem lost some of it's potency due to it. However, I *did* like the first and third lines. The "companion in gallows" I don't understand at all, and being "Amongst us since creation", either. However, if this is hinting toward an ulterior, unconditional love that comes from above (i.e. God), then that would add a layer that I previously didn't consider. Hmm...
Again, the penultimate stanza was succinct, compact and potent - loved it!
And I've already discussed the final one, so I think I'm done here.
A great poem, a joy to read, and I'll have to come back and re-read it as I don't think I quite fully understood it all!
Thank you for your review, and to shed some light on your confusion, the poem was not about lover per say, rather about fire. The line "eternal living fire" was actually referring to real fire.
[I clicked post accidentally, a review is coming, bear with me!]
Hello there Shadow! Dogs here with your review today! Firstly, I really love you avatar, that's a sick picture! Anywho, on to ze review, to start things off this is an incredibly excellent piece of writing. Great smoothness in your writing and nearly no grammatical errors. Content wise this is pretty sound, although it does leave some unanswered questions. We'll get there, let's dive in now shall we?
You need a comma after "eternity" in the first line. Also, as a side note, when you say: "In a dance that strikes our kind." I think you need either a comma or semi colon here. If you think about it, the last two lines of the first stanza really must connect with this line to make any sense. The first stanza is a little difficult to read because of the odd comma and period usage. Try to fix that up, other than that you use great imagery and word choice. Your rhyming also is extremely smooth, so well done in that regard.
Ok, the second stanza is well written and sounds cool, but really doesn't make any sense. Why is he shedding a glowing red tear and how is that purposeful in any part of your poem? Is it the glowing red tear that is giving people light in the gallows? If so, you must make that clearer.
"Hunting with dangerous lust."
I think in this line, you could pick a better and stronger word instead of "dangerous." Perhaps go on with something more like "ravenous" or something else along those lines. Look it up in a thesaurus if you're having troubles with this.
Other than my minor notes, this poem just keeps getting better! Until... when you start repeating everything I've already read, I face palmed a little bit because this was such an excellent piece and the repetition is hurting the excellence of your writing. I love your writing style, it's truly enjoyable to read, but as much as I love reading it... I've already read all this excellent writing. You need give me more different stuff to read from. Repetition of a few lines can perhaps be effective sometimes, but repeating nearly the entire poem twice is just difficult to read and does nothing to the overall theme of your poem, unless it is one about repetition.
All and all, this poem is extrodinarily well done, but the repetition part really hurts the overall theme of this piece. Try to answer some of the small things that you mentioned and never expanded upon. Other than that nice writing. Keep up the good work!
TuckEr EllsworTh
Thanks for the great review, as for the repitition, that was a mistake. I have it on a word document and I copied and pasted it, without realising that I did it twice, but I have fixed it now, so thanks.