This poem is called a collage poem, and that's because there's a particular structure to it (and yes, i know that it doesn't have much of a rythym to it.) It's just sort of a flurry of thoughts, not what I would consider to be real poetry, but we were forced to do this for school, so I had no choice.) Here goes:
I am leading a pleasant life.
I am watching leaves on the trees outside flutter in the breeze.
I used to think that the world was perfect.
And now, at 14
I have lived in two countries and observed the world with a critical view.
I had pale skin and blue eyes when I was a baby.
I had an operation for appendicitis.
I don’t know why people murder.
I don’t know why we can’t live forever.
I know that sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.
I love reading and writing.
I love family and friends.
I love the memories I have from San Diego, where I was born.
I used to have a dislike for clothes shopping.
I used to have a Eucalyptus tree in my backyard.
I’ve lost much of my American accent.
I’ve lost most of the sanity I used to have.
I’m looking for a potential career.
I’m looking for proof that our world is not the only one in the universe.
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Canary word: Present
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I absolutely love this poem, the 'I' thing is fantastic and really helps tie the poem together. I love your choices of things to say, they are so abstract but they tie in perfectly.
Keep up the great work shadowhunter14!
Hey people, Yeah i know it's random and the "I" thing gets annoying after a while, but that's how the poem is meant to be structured, so..
Thanks for the comments anyway XD
I'm sorry, but do you have an obssesion with the letter "I"? The first thing that I noticed wasn't what you wrote or any of the words that you had typed, but all of the "I's". It was such a distraction from what you wrote, it wasn't even worth reading because all I could think about was how many you had put down. I had to read it twice: the first time was just looking at all the "I's", then the second time I actually paid attention to what you wrote, and I still didn't understand why you did it. Where you trying to show someting, because I didn't get anything out of what you just wrote.
Sorry,
Shanan-Cat
This was an interesting piece, though I've never written a collage poem myself and am not really sure how the structure is supposed to be so I'll just go with it. I felt that some lines were deep and meaningful but others were just facts put randomly in there to shake it up a bit. I know you had to do this for school, so maybe you didn't try as hard as you would have if it had been free will, but there were just some bits that I felt you just threw away like:
It seems like you had nothing else to write so you just chucked in a random fact. Maybe it's meaningful to you, I don't know, but you made it sound worthless.
I'm not sure how you could change it so maybe you could put something new in altogether?
Just a thought.
Anyway that's all from me. Keep up the good work!
Smashles