SHADY!
I'm FINALLY back!! Ready to get my reviewing muscles strong again!! I am,,, very rusty lol
It was made of a sand-colored stone with intricately carved statues interspersed with thick hedges.
WHAT KIND OF STATUES, SHADY? I REALLY am the worst when it comes to descriptions but I always need to know what kind of statues have been carved into any given place. Are they a protective visage, like lions or sphinxes or gargoyles? Are they dedicated to specific people, or specific god/s (I,,, don't remember the religious system in the brief bursts it's been mentioned) as a sign of worship? This is really really specific and niche but details like this can give readers better insight into Aleth's character/what he chooses to decorate his surroundings with.
Aleth said, grabbing her arm.
The casual ownership of/physical contact with Ky is GROSS and you did a very good job with it, but it is still GROSS. when does he get stabbed?
His grasp was firm, but not unkind
with context, I beg to differ.
She lifted her foot to the first step and whimpered with the exertion it took to lift herself onto it. Aleth impatiently sighed and waited for her to catch up before ascending to the next step.
When I first read this, I mistook it to mean he had gone ahead of her/to the top of the stairs, but you also never said he let her arm go, so it took me a moment (could be my brain has ceased functioning though too, you can never tell) to figure out what you meant? I might suggest "Aleth grunted, but begrudgingly waited with her in the slow agony each step caused her." or something like that (idk if that sounds right?? what are words honestly). As a run down, "Aleth impatiently sighed" -> "Aleth grunted" is essentially the same thing, but the second is with 1) one less word and 2) is not telling. And, if that was not enough, it's followed by "begrudgingly" to clearly express how he's feeling without telling us, and then the rest of it conveys Ky's 1) slow pace and 2) the physical pain she's in after all the torture Aleth has put her through (also as a double bonus, serves as a subtle reminder that he's Terrible which is ALWAYS a plus, of course).
you didn't need the analysis of sentences I gave you, but I leave it with you anyway.
“I swear if you so much as look at Yuane the wrong way, I will thrash you within an inch of your life. Do you understand me?”
This is very... vulnerable of Aleth, to react like this, which obviously makes me insanely curious as to why he's defending Yuane so fiercely, even before Ky has done anything but see her. Maybe your intention was rather to convey Aleth is just really mean to Ky and wants to make sure he has another set of eyes on her and also trying to make excuses for all the things he can punish her for, but this feels... very personal, and I really have to wonder what Yuane and Aleth's relation to each other is.
The exertion was making her light headed, and her body felt weak, as if it would collapse right there in the middle of the hallway
I don't know why this bugs me, but the "it" when referring to Ky's body is weird to me?? If it doesn't bug you, ignore me, but I'll suggest "The exertion was making her light-headed and it was a struggle to even stay upright" (also then there isn't the telling "her body felt weak" and combines the two sentences together to convey it in a cleaner method rather than separating it)
“You’re hurt,” Yuane said, bringing a damp cloth towards her. “Lay back.”
I don't know if I should but I do already really like Yuane.
“Good.” Aleth turned a cold gaze on Ky. “You’d best heal quickly. I’ve got big plans for the two of us, Ky.”
you know how we all have the voluntary capability to instantly heal ourselves
Ky heard Tadaaki’s voice from the doorway, over her shoulder, and saw Aleth’s attention turn towards it.
is everyone just waltzing in here while she's shirtless??
being nearly entirely darkened
nearly entirely
If I can’t speak Lytiasian, he won’t have any use for me.
oh,,, Ky,,,,,
She’d simply pretend not to understand Lytiasian until Aleth got frustrated enough to turn her loose.
SEEING HER SO OPTIMISTIC AFTER EVERYTHING HURTS BUT I ALSO ADORE HER FOR IT we need more optimistic characters.
I can't wait to see Ky overthrow this man and possibly stab him.
Also I have to say this because I was thinking it through the chapter, but your description has grown SO MUCH since I first started reading Charm of Deception. It's really, really cool to see how much it's improved, and I hope that it becomes especially evident (if it wasn't to you already) by the things I was pulling down into this review.
Also also, your incorporating worldbuilding into the story!! It's getting to be more seamless now, which I KNOW is especially hard in fantasy (how do you not just put in everything you know all at once), but you've grown it to the point where it's becoming incorporated with the story, rather than bits of random facts that have to relevance (like,,, so many,,,, fantasy stories). I'm specifically referencing Lytiasian and it's history right now, but I mean that generally as a whole so far in this novel too.
Anyway! Hopefully my reviewing skills aren't TOO rusty and this helped you out in some regard!
Happy RevMo, and I hope you're having a lovely day! <3
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