A Valkyrie's Dream: Chapter 2.1

by Shadeflame

Published June 8, 2020

Violence

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Alyss awoke with a gasp as the breath was knocked out of her. She was lying on the ground, the Einherjar looming over her. 

“Wha?” she asked, her sleepiness still apparent in her voice. She tried to sit up, but groaned at the pain. She was so sore already, and falling off of Eerro hadn’t helped at all. In fact, she was pretty sure that she was bruised all over.
“You fell,” the warrior replied in an amused tone.
Alyss glared at him as she succeeded in propping herself up to a sitting position.
“Why didn’t you stop me from falling off?”
“I thought you told me not to touch you,” the warrior answered.
Alyss ignored his remark and looked around. They were in a large courtyard paved with cobblestones, surrounded by looming marble walls. At one end of the enclosure, there was a large arch, which Alyss supposed was the one they had just came through. There was an ornate door carved into one of the walls, and many other small arches. The Einherjar had moved away now and was occupied by tying Eerro’s reins to a hitching post nearby. He finished and motioned to Alyss.
“Come girl,” he said.
Alyss struggled to her feet. To her surprise, when she stood up, the pain was much less than what she’d thought it would be. She limped after the Einherjar, trying to catch up to him. As he stopped to knock on the door, Alyss stood next to him, her mind racing as she tried to imagine what would be inside. Why was she here? The warrior shifted impatiently next to her as he waited, distracting her. He knocked again, this time harder. Alyss struggled to her feet. This time, the door swung open with a slight creak. Inside, a homely maid was struggling to keep the heavy door open. Alyss didn't envy her. The door was wood with silver etchings, and it was large. It would be a constant struggle to keep it open, and the maid had a slight build. As they walked through, the warrior pushed the girl aside roughly, causing the door to swing closed. Alyss, who was in the middle of the doorway, instinctively put up her hands to try to stop the door. It slammed into her body, causing her to stumble back outside and fall to the ground, dazed. The door slammed shut with a thud and Alyss stared blankly at the night sky, wondering why she was on the ground again. Her chest hurt so much, and her hands now ached even more than the rest of her sore body. As she struggled for breath, the face of the concerned maid appeared above her.
“Are you okay?” she asked in a frantic voice. “Is there blood?
Alyss tried to reassure her, but all that came out of her mouth was a rasping wheeze.
“Oh by Odin’s name she’s going to die! Please wake up.” The maid pleaded. “You can’t die! I’ll be flogged for sure, probably killed!”
Alyss moaned loudly as the maid shook her roughly, intensifying the pain. The Einherjar, who must have come outside when the maid had, took charge of the situation.
“Leave her.” he commanded.
The maid stared at him with an expression of bewilderment. “But, Sir?” she ventured. “I can’t leave her here to die.”

The warrior scowled. “This is what she deserves. It also makes for a fitting test.”
As the maid scurried away, he approached the prostate body and squatted down near Alyss’s head.
“Let’s see how strong you really are.” he murmured. With that, he hooked his arms underneath hers and hoisted her to her feet. Alyss’s face grew pale at the pressure of his arms against her bruised chest but she resisted the urge to scream and bit her cheek instead, causing the metallic taste of blood to fill her mouth. He stood her on her feet and let go. To her surprise, instead of collapsing, Alyss felt a rush of heat course through her body. It felt like her blood was on fire, but a strange kind of fire which burned with a freezing pain. Her body felt like lead weighing her down, but it was like air and she was floating. She could focus with tremendous intensity, but when she tried to concentrate on the Einherjar he seemed to blur, and then sharpen at the same time.
After what seemed like an hour, but in reality was probably only a minute or so, it slowly faded to a distant buzz in the background and Alyss became aware of the steadying hand of the warrior on her arm. She pulled away and whirled to face him, still a little unsteady on her feet, but her aching body already feeling much better.

“What was that?” she asked him. “Why did you heal me?”

The young man smirked. “Oh, that wasn’t me, girly. It was all you.”

Alyss’s eyes widened as she stared at the warrior. She had healing magic? Ridiculous. There was no way. She didn’t know what his plan was in lying to her, but she resolved to pretend to believe his lies. As long as it kept him happy… well, there was no harm in that.
“I have healing magic?” she asked.

He nodded. “I honestly thought that you were a dud, but you proved me wrong. At least this means that I didn’t go all that way for nothing.”

Alyss pressed her lips together. A dud? Really? She hoped he wasn’t too disappointed when he found out that he was wrong and that she was actually just an ordinary girl. Maybe they would send her back to her village and she could be happy.

A soft touch on her arm made her jump. The warrior stared at her still ashen face. “Are you okay?” he said gently. “I know this must be a lot to take in.”

Now he was being nice? Alyss was extremely confused. She could deal with the aloof and dismissive Einherjar, but she had no idea what to do when one treated her like a human being.

“I’m fine,” she muttered. She wondered if she would be able to finally get some answers for her questions now. Might as well take advantage of him if he decided to be soft.
“Why are we here?”

The warrior studied her for a few moments and then turned away. “Come with me and you’ll find out.”

Alyss started after him, her body feeling only slightly sore but even more tired. She noticed with a start that the faint buzzing noise in the back of her mind was gone, which probably meant something, although Alyss wasn’t sure what it was. He opened the ornate door himself, and Alyss hurried through it, not forgetting how much it had hurt when it had hit her. She glanced around quickly as the door slammed shut behind her, causing her to wince.
The walls were tastefully decorated with murals and paintings, more elegant than anything she had seen before. The warrior’s boots clicked on the polished stone floor as he continued on, and Alyss padded after him silently, her shoes soft and supple. He turned left, then right, then left again, while Alyss trailed after him, glancing around with wide eyes. They stopped in front of an oaken door, and the warrior knocked softly, first once, then twice. While she waited, Alyss was drawn to one of the numerous tapestries on the wall, which depicted Odin, the Allfather, siting on his throne with his wife Frigga beside him, cradling a baby boy in her arms. She stretched out an arm to touch the rich fabric, but jerked it back when she heard a voice coming from inside of the room.

“Come in,” it commanded.

The Einherjar carefully pushed open the door.
“Go on,” he told Alyss, and escorted her into the room with his hand placed on the small of her back.

She ventured in slowly, feeling heat rise to her cheeks as a tall, muscular man rose to meet them, his gaze fixed solely on her.

“So,” he asked with a searching gaze directed at the Einherjar. “Are you sure it’s the right one?”

The warrior nodded emphatically. “Yes, Sir. She manifested while I was with her.”

“Really,” he mused. “Most interesting. We’ll discuss this further. However, in the meantime…”
The man rang a small bell on his desk, turning back to face them as he did so. “Gunhild will take you to your quarters, child, and the training will begin tomorrow.”

“Why am I here!” Alyss asked again, hoping desperately to get some answers. “What training? What are you doing with me?
I don’t understand,” she choked out, the room blurring slightly.

The man scowled, his pleasant demeanor gone now. “Will somebody shut her up,” he growled.

The warrior backhanded Alyss across the face. She recoiled instinctively, but his calloused hand hit her nose and face, causing her to stumble backwards, barely keeping her balance. Something wet trickled down onto her mouth, and she clasped her hands to her face to find blood streaming out of her nose.

Sometime during this, a stout woman had come in, who Alyss supposed to be Gunhild, escorted her out of the room and down the hallway, turning frequently at almost every intersection, until they reached an inconspicuous looking door. She opened it and gestured for Alyss to go in. The room was sparsely furnished, with a small cot and a table with a basin and a pitcher of water on it. The room was lit by lamps mounted on the sides of the walls which provided some light, but not enough to properly illuminate it. Gunhild led Alyss over to the cot and sat her down.
“May dreams overtake you,” she said, and Alyss felt a pang of nostalgia pierce her heart. Her mother had said that to her every night, even when she had protested that she was too old for that nonsense. Gunhild patted Alyss gently on her shoulder, then walked over to the door.
“You can clean yourself up over there,” she said, gesturing to the table. “Someone will come and get you in the morning, so don’t worry.” 

With that, she turned and left the room, closing the door behind her. Alyss heard the snick of the door locking, and silence filled the room. With it, came the realization that the niggling buzz in the back of her mind had returned. Alyss got up, and walked loudly to the table, trying to drown it out. Washing her face, she noticed that the blood flow had stopped, which she supposed was good. The water slowly turned pink as she wrung the cloth out above it, and Alyss returned to the cot after turning off the lamp. She knew that the smart thing to do would be to stay awake and watch, but her body seemed to have a mind of its own and she found herself lying in bed, her aching body covered by the thin cotton sheets, her eyes already closing.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
kaitlyn
Review
kaitlyn wrote a review Review · Jun 12, 2020

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night (whatever it is in your part of the world),

The last review, Your stories have been really fun to read today,

First Impression: Okay, finally some magic. Yaaay!! As usual really impactful imagery and vocabulary. Love your style of writing though I personally don't like it when characters keep getting hurt.

Alright, on with it,

“You fell,” the warrior replied in an amused tone.

Alyss glared at him as she succeeded in propping herself up to a sitting position.

“Why didn’t you stop me from falling off?”

“I thought you told me not to touch you,” the warrior answered.

Okay that seems a bit too much like a teenager for a "warrior of the realm" but I suppose that's your characterization.

The warrior shifted impatiently next to her as he waited, distracting her. He knocked again, this time harder. Alyss struggled to her feet. This time, the door swung open with a slight creak. (Paragraph break required here I think. Seems a bit too long) Inside, a homely maid was struggling to keep the heavy door open. Alyss didn't envy her. The door was wood with silver etchings, and it was large.

“Oh by Odin’s name she’s going to die! Please wake up.” The maid pleaded. “You can’t die! I’ll be flogged for sure, probably killed!”

Seems like an overreaction. How many people die from getting whacked by a door?

The warrior scowled. “This is what she deserves. It also makes for a fitting test.”

Wait he's administering a test. Intriguing.

“Let’s see how strong you really are.” he murmured. With that, he hooked his arms underneath hers and hoisted her to her feet. Alyss’s face grew pale at the pressure of his arms against her bruised chest but she resisted the urge to scream and bit her cheek instead, causing the metallic taste of blood to fill her mouth. He stood her on her feet and let go. To her surprise, instead of collapsing, Alyss felt a rush of heat course through her body. It felt like her blood was on fire, but a strange kind of fire which burned with a freezing pain. Her body felt like lead weighing her down, but it was like air and she was floating. She could focus with tremendous intensity, but when she tried to concentrate on the Einherjar he seemed to blur, and then sharpen at the same time.

That's a pretty nice description of magic. Good introduction to your magic system.

He nodded. “I honestly thought that you were a dud, but you proved me wrong. At least this means that I didn’t go all that way for nothing.”

That seems a bit unplanned. Maybe he should've done a bit more investigating before going and maybe done the test a bit earlier.

A soft touch on her arm made her jump. The warrior stared at her still ashen face. “Are you okay?” he said gently. “I know this must be a lot to take in.”

Now he was being nice? Alyss was extremely confused. (So am I. What sort of character is this warrior?)

The man scowled, his pleasant demeanor gone now. “Will somebody shut her up,” he growled.

Still don't get why all the cloak and dagger stuff. Shouldn't they tell her at least now?

The warrior backhanded Alyss across the face. She recoiled instinctively, but his calloused hand hit her nose and face, causing her to stumble backwards, barely keeping her balance. Something wet trickled down onto her mouth, and she clasped her hands to her face to find blood streaming out of her nose.

Okay the warrior is back to attacking her again.

And that's it.

So another great chapter overall. I may him slightly more harsh here. Sorry. Anyway I didn't see much wrong at all with the writing. Really well done. A lot of questions to be answered. I really want to know what happens next. Can you tag me when the next chapter comes out?

Alyss is so far a really believable character that you are instantly sympathetic for. She's portrayed really nicely. Your warrior character seems a tad quick to change moods but then we have no idea what's going on in his mind so he must have his reasons.

All in all looking forward to the next chapter of this and your other book.

Stay Safe :)
Harry

Thanks for reviewing my chapter!

Your Welcome

User avatar
LittleLee
Review
LittleLee wrote a review Review · Jun 12, 2020

Hi, Shade,

It's been a little time since you published this, but I've been keen to review this, so here I am!
But in all honesty, I am now reading not just to review but because I'm really getting into the story. Great job!

I love the little pieces of humour you slipped in here and there. It isn't outright funny, which is good; the situation currently can't be seen that way. It is enough to put a smile on the reader's face, though, and I appreciate that.

I have to say, some things have to be looked at carefully. The Einherjar warrior's character is very loose and doesn't make sense. One minute he's nice, the other he's outright aggressive. While I understood he behaved like this to provoke her, I still don't feel comfortable with the extremely rapid transition of his behaviour. You need to work on making it smoother.

“Wha?” she asked, her sleepiness still apparent in her voice.


Seeing as how the story is told from her perspective, I think this sentence should be rewritten. Perhaps like this : "Wha?" she asked, letting her sleepiness slur her voice."

“Come girl,” he said.


Comma after "come".

“Oh by Odin’s name she’s going to die! Please wake up.” The maid pleaded. “You can’t die! I’ll be flogged for sure, probably killed!”


There are a few things off about this sentence. One, instead of "by Odin's name", I think "in the name of Odin" would sound stronger. There should also be a comma after the exclamation.
Two, don't repeat the word "die" twice. The first time, you can just say "she's terribly hurt" or something.
Finally, the maid says she'll surely be flogged, then goes on to say "probably killed". That sentence contradicts itself. Instead of "probably", say "possibly".

The reaction Alyss has to finding that she can use healing magic is very low-key. It has to be a lot stronger, with more disbelief and denial.

And looking at it technically; why would the Einherjar slam a door shut on her? If he really wanted to check if she could heal herself, doesn't it make a lot more sense to do so before they arrived at their destination? He could have just pushed her off the horse or something. The fact that he does it literally before showing her to the master.
“So,” he asked with a searching gaze directed at the Einherjar. “Are you sure it’s the right one?”
The warrior nodded emphatically. “Yes, Sir. She manifested while I was with her.”

My point is, what if he had been wrong about Alyss? Wouldn't he have travelled all the way for nothing? She didn't just manifest when she was "with him", she manifested right before he showed her to the muscular man. This made the situation flimsy.

“Why am I here!” Alyss asked again

I think a question mark should replace the exclamation mark.

Washing her face, she noticed that the blood flow had stopped, which she supposed was good.


You could drop more of a hint here about her healing powers.


Overall, I enjoyed reading this chapter, as usual. You've done a very good job, and I look forward as always to the following instalments!
And if I seemed to nitpick a bit too much, I'm sorry! I really like this story and would love to see it in print.
I wouldn't be surprised if you become a very successful writer!

Keep it up, Shade!

- Lee

Thanks for reviewing my chapter LittleLee! I really appreciate it!

User avatar
Raindeer
Review
Raindeer wrote a review Review · Jun 8, 2020

Hi Shadeflame!

So, we find out that Alyss has healing powers! I think that's really neat. Her confusion/hurt was nicely conveyed in this chapter; the description of her being squashed by the heavy door was really painful to read, and her desperation to know what the heck is going on is nice.

Alyss’s eyes widened as she stared at the warrior. She had healing magic? Ridiculous. There was no way. She didn’t know what his plan was in lying to her, but she resolved to pretend to believe his lies. As long as it kept him happy… well, there was no harm in that.


I'm a bit mixed on Alyss's reaction to the prospect that she has healing powers. I both like it and think it could be a little stronger. I like how she seems quick to dismiss it - however, I'm wondering why? Is healing magic scarce/rare? I feel like she may go through other ideas - "perhaps they picked the wrong girl up".

Alyss pressed her lips together. A dud? Really? She hoped he wasn’t too disappointed when he found out that he was wrong and that she was actually just an ordinary girl. Maybe they would send her back to her village and she could be happy.


This bit was good. I like the push of the whole "ordinary girl" feeling, because it strengthens her disbelief of her having magic (I think what could be nice is if there's something that shows how "ordinary" she feels- like for example, she does all the same jobs around the village as other girls, there's "prettier" girls than her at the village, there's "more talented" - something that makes her feel insecure/ordinary/average).

Okay, so as much of a meanie the warrior is, I really feel like he's going to start growing on me! I hope he and Alyss become, like, some cool warrior-duo. And I'm wondering why this palace needs Alyss. Is she, like, the last of her kind? A secret amazing warrior? Are the warrior and Alyss off on an adventure together? I feel like there's a lot of directions this could go!

Oh, also, one last thing that I could've missed - about how old is the warrior? Right now I'm imagining him several years older than Alyss. I think some clarification about his age would be nice!

Overall, great chapter. I love Alyss's pain and desperation shown, and I would maybe like to see more examples of why she feels so "ordinary". Looking forward to the dynamic she and the warrior may have?

Peace,
~EternalRain

Hi EternalRain! I'm glad you liked this chapter! The warrior is about 19 or 20, so I hope that answers your question.

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IcyFlame
Review
IcyFlame wrote a review Review · Jun 8, 2020

Hey there,
I haven't read your first chapter so will just jump right in here. As a thought, you may get others reviewing who haven't read any of your previous posts. It might help to put a brief section at the top outlining what has happened so far. It can help us get into the swing of things :)

Anyway, onto the review!

She was so sore, and falling of Eerro hadn’t helped at all.

I think you mean 'falling off'. Also was she injured before? I'm assuming Eerro is a horse, so seems pretty obvious that falling off a horse wouldn't help her soreness.

Inside, a homely maid was struggling to keep the heavy door open.

I'm not too sure about this description. Can you describe a person as homely? Maybe you could clarify what you mean here.

As the maid scurried away, he approached the prostate body and squatted down near Alyss’s head.

For me, the whole section above here was a little confusing as I tried to work out who was where. Was it the Einherjar who pushed her? Then he was inside and suddenly back outside? I found this hard to follow!

She having healing magic?

Should be 'she had healing magic?'

Now he was being nice? Alyss was extremely confused.

So am I! Who is this guy!?

I like the premise you've got going here, so I think with a little editing and tidying up this could be even better! It was easy to read for the most part and had a good pace. Looking forward to seeing more of this!

Icy.

Thanks for reviewing my work Icy! I revised it a little so it should be a little clearer now.

@IcyFlame, do you want me to tag you when the next chapter comes out?



My tongue must tell the anger of my heart, or else my heart, concealing it, will break...
— Katherine, The Taming of the Shrew