Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night (whatever it is when you read this),
Okay third review for this one. Four more to go I think,
First Impression: Pretty strong imagery. Really well written.
On with the nitpicking(sorry),
My head pounded as I slowly opened my eyes, the dim light still causing a sharp jolt of pain to shoot through my head. The walls around me seemed to spin as I propped myself up on my hand, sharp pains shooting through my battered body.
Wait, walls?
Again I'd recommend the use of some italics to differentiate the thoughts. Makes it a tad bit easier on the reader.
I did a double take, my head still churning as I looked around again. The reality that I was done(I believe a with should be inserted here) that seemingly endless journey in my cart sank in and I just sat there, staring at the ground, dumbfounded.
I wasn’t ready to be sold. To start a new life under the thumb of some person I had never met. To cater to their every wish and command or risk death. I angrily punched the floor and then swore as the hard stone met my soft knuckles. Examining my hand, I saw that it was red and filled with the grit that carpeted the floor. I slowly curled back into a ball, my head still viciously pounding and my other arm throbbing, the finger shaped black and purple marks on it making me sick whenever I looked at it. The rest of my body demanded my attention too, various gashes and bruises that must have come from my beating. I hoped desperately that I had at least scarred his face with my fingernails. It was the least he deserved. I slowly reached up and felt my head with tentative fingers, probing for the wounds up there. To my surprise there was only one that seemed major, a large gash, already crusted over with dried blood. I couldn’t do anything about it right now, so I crawled over to the wall and curled up next to it, the pain from my wounds making me dizzy.
A lot of good description. Also pretty fitting symptoms to match the injuries.
As the two men walked in, I looked up, my eyes skimming over the guard’s scuffed boots and the other’s man’s shiny black leather ones. The guard was dressed in a sloppy put on uniform, his shirt partly torn near the bottom, with a few stains spotting the upper part. The other man seemed to have impeccable taste, although his clothes were traveling ones, not the suits you would normally see on rich folk. His graying hair was well brushed, and he wore a disgusted expression when he glanced at me.
Okay again some really neat descriptions. Those stains and wear and tear do a whole lot for making the image very realistic. Really well written.
“Come on. Up! Up!” he commanded, snapping his fingers roughly as if I was a dog.
I like how this does a really good job to drive home the place that slaves have in your world.
He radiated confidence; the mindset of a man who had always been assured of his worth. There was something almost bewitching about his presence. I had found myself almost leaning towards him once as he talked.
I'd say this would be better if these traits were mentioned in a more subtle way while the man was still in the scene. I feel that would be better than just pointing all this out at the end.
Regaining my senses, I snapped out of my almost trance and dashed towards the still open door, my mind fixed only on one half-formed thought.
Escape!
And another ending that leaves you wanting more.
And that's that.
So overall loved this story. Imma go read the next part too. Then go ahead to your other story. I love how you show little snippets from her three week stay. Does a beautiful job of conveying that sense of the days blending together and losing track of time. All in all lovely writing.
Aaand Cut!
Stay Safe
Harry
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