A thin white line on your wrist, marring its perfection
I asked what it was and you called it a battle scar
I asked why you had it and you said not all victories were part of wars
If only I had asked more, if only I had cared more.
*
I noticed something was wrong, but it was so subtle
A slight pulling away, drawing back
I thought it was nothing, you were just insecure
I didn’t even notice your silence at first.
*
And when you began talking again it was such a relief I paid no attention to what you meant
I thought you were joking, my worst mistake
No, that was thinking it was over, you were better
I didn’t notice that you were so broken inside.
*
I began to spend more time away from you
I thought you didn’t need me anymore
You didn’t really talk to anyone else, but that didn’t worry me
You always had been shy.
*
When you weren’t there I assumed you were sick
You had been away so much lately
I was about to call you, but I put my phone back down
Even then I could have stopped you.
*
The call came at 7am the next day
And before I even answered I knew you were gone
At your funeral I thought about how I could have saved you
If only I’d paid more attention to your battle scars.
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141,453 Literary Works • 674,465 Reviews
My best friend... >.< Beautiful poem, nonetheless.
I’m here to review!
So I saw no problems with this and I really like this poem. My favorite thing about this poem is how real it is. Because now a days lots of people, if you take time to sit down and talk to them and try and help them, you could save a life. One thing that bothered me though is the 7am and how it’s placed right together. Maybe thats just me but anyways, I really hope to see this get on the literary spotlight, because it’s one of my favorites.
Keep writing,
Sarai
Hi there, happy review day. Crim here to review your poem.
Firstly I'd like to say that if this is based off of true events or life experiences then I am so sorry. *massivehugsforyou*
Like the reviewer below me has said, this poem is incredibly sad. The narrative, free verse almost prose like structure of the poem somehow makes it even more heartbreaking because it's like an eyewitness account of what's happened. This poem is riddled with guilt and heartbreak and I think that the first and last stanza's are the most heart wrenching of all.
The way you have written this is especially effective because I didn't really know how the ending was going to turn out until I read the penultimate stanza - in fact when I read the first stanza I thought that maybe the poem would turn out happily and the speaker would have been able to help their friend. But your poem is raw and true and realistic.
The only slightly negative thing I can say about it is that it lacks punctuation points at times - but that's it. Other than that it really is a wonderful poem, very sad, but wonderful.
Take care and keep writing,
Crim
It's not anything that ever happened to me, it's more an observation of society as a whole and how we don't ask and end up regretting it.
That was really an incredible poem. I loved the way it kind of feels like a timeline of events. Speaking in the past tense you made it pretty clear from the beginning that the person was gone but still it came as a surprise at the end when you realize that they passed. I really liked that you said you could have saved them but you had put the phone back down. It really strikes as a bit of survivor's guilt that memory of if I had only done this or done that then they would be here now. There were one or two missing commas that could maybe be added but it didn't really take anything away from the poem overall. Really though, great job.