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Your name is Eridan Ampora...

by Seraphinaxx

So I was reading Homestuck and felt motivated to write this. Characters belong to Andrew Hussie. 

Your name is Eridan Ampora and you are 6 sweeps old.

Life is good.

You live on the planet Alternia with your friends and lusus.

Yesterday you asked the girl who has been your moirail for as long as you can remember to become your matesprit and she said yes.


Recently you have begun having nightmares.

You dread sleeping because you know what you will see.

Every night you are in a place that is not Alternia.

Every night you see Feferi in a matespritship with your best friend.

And every night you kill her.


The nightmares have gotten worse.

You want to tell Fef or Sol or someone, but you are scared of what will happen if you do.

You don't want anyone to know about what goes on in your head, especially not the two trolls you care about the most.

You haven't slept in days.

You are just so tired.


You can't stay awake any longer.

You close your eyes.

When you open them you are in a dark corner, covered in pink blood.

You only know one troll who has pink blood.


Your name is Eridan Ampora and you are 6 sweeps old.

You are trapped in a game with 11 other trolls.

Yesterday you asked your moirail to become your matesprit and she rejected you.

Life is hard.


Recently you have begun having the most amazing dreams.

You dread waking up because you know what you will see.

Every night you are back on Alternia.

Every night Fef is your matesprit and the other trolls are your friends.

Every night you are happy.


The days get worse and worse.

Feferi becomes matesprits with Sollux.

The other trolls hate you.

You spend more and more time away from them.

Your only solace is your dreams.


One day you snap.

You realise the only chance you have left is to join Jack Noir.

You offer Fef the chance to go with you, but Sollux attacks you.

You fight back and he falls to the ground, unconscious or dead.

You see Feferi running at you with her trident and panic.

Seconds later she is dead.


Everything passes in a blur.

You hide, curled up and covered in blood and close your eyes. 

When you open them you are in a different world.


Your name is Eridan Ampora and you have been given a second chance.

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109 Reviews

Points: 1561
Reviews: 109

Sun Sep 27, 2015 12:43 am
GLaDOS wrote a review...

Heyo, JupaJupa the Planet Pokémon here for a review (I'm so weird)!

I think the way your reversed the first and second part was pure genius. I really admire the imagery in this story and I find this story to be extremely interesting!

I usually can't admire a whole lot of fan fiction, every time I get on Wattpad to read some fan fiction, it's all mostly plots that anyone can come up with, except in rare cases where they land the ending and the emotion of the characters effect you.

But this, however was really outstanding as far as fan fiction goes. As far as all around writing goes, it was nice. You did well on the imagery.

Another thing I found amazing was that you used second-person. Second-person is usually ignored and is not used very often. But you were the bold one to choose to do it. Kudos to you!

The only few things I would recommend is that you grab a thesaurus. The imagery was great, but you did use a few common words. A big vocabulary is always nice when you're writing a story.

And another thing is that this doesn't really have the format of a story. It has the format of a long-lined poem. It'd be better if you set this up so that it looked more like a story with longer paragraphs, and less of those short lines (with the exception of a character saying something).

In fact, this did seem more like a lengthy poem. But, it was great. Just work on your format and vocabulary. Format seems to be ignored a lot, which is something that I only seem to comment on when reviewing.

But, nice work.


Seraphinaxx says...

Thanks for the review :)

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Points: 267
Reviews: 0

Sun Sep 13, 2015 3:53 pm
bernardo23 says...

Nice very vivid imagery. Very nice grammatical skills. Extremely nice use of figurative language. Magnificent similes and metaphors. Beautiful post, inspiring. Splendid job, looking forward to many more!

Seraphinaxx says...

Thanks so much :D

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Points: 448
Reviews: 4

Sat Sep 12, 2015 3:46 am
DoubleOJellO wrote a review...

Well time for a review...except that I can't exactly do one due the fact that this is fan-fiction.This IS pretty interesting though. Excuse me if i'm wrong, but is it like this:
Eridan Ampora is a stressed,magical troll who lives in a world and has a really miserable and depressed life.
Sorry if I'm wrong (I'm not really a fan of stuff like this).
Anyways, this was pretty enjoyable to read and it made me really think!

Seraphinaxx says...

Thanks for the review :)
Eridan is one of my favourite characters in Homestuck and I wanted to try something from his point of view. I'm glad you liked it.

I write because I don't know what I think until I read what I say.
— Flannery O'Connor