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Keeping Secrets

by ScarlettFire


A/N: I am not sure if I'm completely happy with this so, like, suggestions are appreciated! Enjoy, etc, etc.

Keeping Secrets

[verse 1]
this isn't what we asked for,
this isn't the end of days
and it isn't what we asked for
when we expected the end of everything
-- quarantine, threats and anarchy --
but it's damn well close
and we
still haven't found what we're looking for

[pre chorus]
so tell me
what do you see
beyond your tv screens?

[chorus 1]
it's all broken and hidden away,
lies upon lies upon lies
and we're
keeping secrets in our
basements
like our lives don't matter anymore
(don't matter anymore)

[verse 2]
and now we're stuck inside
fearing the end of days
and it isn't what we asked for
when we expected the end of everything
-- masks, closed borders, misery --
but it's damn well close
and we
still haven't found what we're looking for

[pre chorus]
so tell me
what do you see
beyond your tv screens?

[chorus 1]
it's all broken and hidden away,
lies upon lies upon lies
and we're
keeping secrets in our
basements
like our lives don't matter anymore
(don't matter anymore)

[chorus 2]
stop telling me it's truth when it's all
lies upon lies upon lies
and we're
keeping secrets behind our
doors
like nothing matters anymore
(anymore)

[bridge]
and we're keeping secrets
in our basements,
our attics, where people don't think
to look, and
we're scared to look outside
cause we don't know what we'll see
beyond our hidden lives

[verse 3]
and this isn't what we wanted;
so stop (stop)
telling me that it's true when it's all
lies upon lies upon lies
and we are
keeping secrets in the dark,
where
nothing matters anymore
and nobody cares like--

[pre chorus]
so tell me
what do you see
beyond your tv screens?

[chorus 2]
stop telling me it's truth when it's all
lies upon lies upon lies
and we're
keeping secrets behind our
doors
like nothing matters anymore
(anymore)

[outro]
look beyond your tv screens and out that window,
tell me what you see outside


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742 Reviews


Points: 11158
Reviews: 742

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Thu Aug 13, 2020 6:10 pm
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CaptainJack wrote a review...



Hey Scar. Just dropping by to give you a review while I'm getting back in the swing of things.

I've started seeing more pieces on YWS relating to the quarantine and political issues at the moment. This set of lyrics is going a lot of places in a short amount of time, which does go back and forth in my favoritism. The outro is the part that sticks with me the most when you say:

look beyond your tv screens and out that window,
tell me what you see outside

It might have been good at this point to extend it a bit further to describe what the speaker is seeing when they look outside their window. Adding in the speaker's experiences/your experiences is a good way to connect to the audience listening/reading your piece.

As far as descriptions of the end of days go my only suggestion would be to try and sync this up to Revelation? That's a common theme that I see people compare quarantine with. I'm not sure if you want to play into the apocalypse angle or if you want to go more mellow with this approach. If you want to go more mellow or more hopeful for the future, there's plenty of ways to choose either of those directions as well.

On the technical side there are some rough points to this lyric set but that might just be its need to be worked out more. Such as when you get to the second chorus and say:
[chorus 2]
stop telling me it's truth when it's all
lies upon lies upon lies
and we're
keeping secrets behind our
doors
like nothing matters anymore
(anymore)

Splitting the first and second line here is not helping the flow at all. The main issue I see in this set of lyrics is the flow. It seems to be more of word vomit than a coherent song but with a bit of work it could make it into something clearer. I don't mind listening to songs that are just rants.

I'm not sure if you're looking for the feedback on the technical issues so if you want to hear more about that you can hit me up in DMs.

Image




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51 Reviews


Points: 2844
Reviews: 51

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Sun Aug 09, 2020 2:30 am
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VioletFantasy wrote a review...



Hello @ScarlettFire!
VioletFantasy here to review your new lyrics. Everything you wrote is so true!! It does feel like the world is ending with quarantine. I thought global warming or maybe an meteor would be the end of the human race. Instead it’s a virus mixed with political issues. Of course, there is a chance we’ll live, but who knows? Anyway, back to the review.

“ so tell me
what do you see
beyond your tv screens?”

The pre chorus is definitely my favourite part. I’m sure there are more people than just me who spend the majority of their day watching TV. There is just nothing else to do! This sends out a good message though. We need to pay attention to our surroundings.

“ and we're keeping secrets
in our basements,
our attics, where people don't think
to look, and
we're scared to look outside
cause we don't know what we'll see
beyond our hidden lives”

I also liked the bridge quite a lot. It goes along with the pre chorus and explains it in more detail. Humans have become ignorant and are focusing on what is happening at their individual houses. There’s no point in worry about anything else, right?

I didn’t seen any grammar or spelling mistakes! You did such a good job on these lyrics. I can’t wait to read more of your writing!




ScarlettFire says...


Thank you!




"Cowards die many times before their deaths; but the valiant will never taste of death but once."
— Julius Caesar