I seduced kings and queens, and entire empires.
I've seen mighty nations rise and fall,
through peace and war, famine and drought.
I seduced emperors and tsars, and an empress or two,
all while smiling blatantly at their devils.
And I’ve seen their mighty kingdoms rise, and fall
through every peace and every war,
their every famine and their every drought.
It was so easy, just to conquer them all,
but so hard to let them go.
Even Death has its limits, from the very start,
when I thought I was facing my own demons.
Instead, it was an angel come from the darkness.
And he saved me, gave me blood and life,
then devoured me. And when I woke,
I could see like no other.
My sire showed me this new world,
cursed the sun and praised the moon
as he led me through the shadows,
and the darkness.
I’ve seduced so many kings, so many queens, and entire nations.
And I have seen mighty kingdoms rise and fall,
through all the peace and all the war,
even the famine and the drought.
I’ve seduced so many emperors and tsars, and even an empress or two,
all while smiling blatantly at their angels.
And I have seen so many mighty nations rise, and fall
through every single peace and every single war,
their every famine and their every drought.
Three thousand years long I’ve lived,
three thousands years of things I’ve seen.
So many lives, lived and lost,
so many names forever forgotten.
But I remember, remember everything,
though none remember me.
I have always been there, hiding in the shadows,
watching the sun rise and set and waiting for the day
when the light would no longer hurt....
And I am
That terror in the dark,
that thing under your bed,
that creature you fear,
in the dead of night.
And I have seduced so many, many kings and queens.
I have seduced so very many nations.
And I have seen so very many kingdoms rise and fall,
through all that peace and all that war.
And even through famine and drought, and I have triumphed,
in the face of it all.
I have seduced so very many emperors and tsars,
and even an empress or two (or maybe more),
all while smiling blatantly at their beliefs, their demons, their angels.
And I have seen so very many mighty nations rise, and fall.
And through every single peace and every single war,
their every famine and their every drought, I have been there.
It was just far too easy, to conquer it all,
to put out all the lights.
And I am
That terror in the dark,
that thing under your bed,
that creature you fear,
in the dead of night.
I’ve seen empires rise and fall,
seduced the mighty and the poor.
And, throughout it all,
I have stood watching, from the shadows,
as mighty empires fell and majestic cities soared.
Hey Scar.
Great piece you have here.
It reminds me of being a little kid, for soem strange reason, and being scared of everything.
Anyway, Lesdoit.
This piece is really and truly capticating. Right from the get go. It pulls you in and it's hard to let go. You just can't stop reading! Great!
Your Word Use outstanding. Always.
You continue to amaze me.
Especially this part
You don't really have anythign that you could improve on. You should be very proud of this.
One of the best I've read in my YWS career.
Tobes Review Rating: 10/10
Scar! <333
http://i47.tinypic.com/neuwbk.jpg
This is a cool piece. It's creepy, eerie, but so cool. I like how you reference the types of poverty and such. I imagine this is a song written for one of your characters since it seems to tell a very specific story from a very specific PoV. However, it's still general enough to where it could be used in a variety of situations. It's well done!
I don't really have much to note, actually. At first, I didn't have anything at all. Maybe things will occur to me as I write out this post, but it's really such a cool piece!
What stood out to me the most is how repetitive it is. I feel like there's a story behind this (as I have just said), but I feel like there's more they're not telling us. It feels like a riddle to me, ja? So I want to try and figure out who the speaker could possibly be. I can't figure it out. It's not pure goodness, and it's not pure evil. It's something different. (I get this from the speaker mocking demons and angels.)
So I think there could be more to tell to help understand who they are. Then again, and this is very important to note: I'm dreadful at riddles.
What might help is fleshing out verses rather than putting emphasis on the chorus? The verses are there to go into depth as to what's going on behind the song, and the chorus carries the message. At least, in my eyes. xD It's not necessarily law or anything, but that could explain why I read it that way.
I like where this is going, though. 8D I wish I had more to say... but that's about it, lol. It's repetitive and a bit empty of the song's core message. It's like I'm leaving with unanswered questions? I hope this makes sense to you! xD
Well done! I really do like this song.
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Spoiler
Hey there!
I. Adore. This. So. Much! I think that there is an aloofness, a coolness, a distance, about it, that makes the lyrics itself very seductive. Your flow is very nice, everything is quite cohesive. I didn't pick up on any spelling or grammatical errors, mostly because I was hung up in the poetry of the words. That is a hard quality to achieve, so bravo! Keep up the amazing work!
~Epic