PART 1
INT. Dawn
A quiet hole in the wall bar in Suwanee Georgia. There are a few older men and women in a bar, with some cheesy old country song playing in the background. They are in work clothes, construction garb. Suddenly, one man, who is a little younger than the others stops talking to the older pudgy little woman next to him and stares off into the distance.
PUDGY WOMAN
What's wrong, sugar?
MAN
Something's off...
Then, the man, named PAUL Startsburg, speedily runs out of the bar into the night. He looks up, and sees a comet, flying a dozen or so miles away, crashing into the nearby Forrest.
PAUL
Woah.
(pausing)
MISS ANGEL, is there any chance I could borrow the truck real quick? I gotta check this asteroid out!
MISS ANGEL
No way! Didn't your mama ever teach you not to go towards flaming balls of fire hurling through the sky?
PAUL
But that's no flaming ball of fire... asteroids don't ever look like that. It could be an alien!
MISS ANGEL
Oh good Theotokos above! I forbid you! Come back inside this instant!
PAUL takes a good hard look at her sternly, and then he comes back inside.
PAUL
Fine.
MISS ANGEL
Very good now. I don't want you goin' out there and getting probed by Zanthor from the Quimzart planet. You got too much to live for to be doing such things. Let the government handle the extraterrestrials.
Ext. Midday
The crash site is burnt and smoldering, and all trees in a 500 foot radius are leveled. There is a crater in the middle of the shot, but there is nothing in the ditch. PAUL appears, in an oversized shirt and cargo shorts, looking around the site.
PAUL
Hmph. This is the "danger" MISS ANGEL warned me about. Some dinky little crater from some dinky little asteroid that isn't even here anymore.
The birds, who were chirping loudly around him, suddenly stopped. The mood completely shifts. PAUL gets the feeling he is being watched. He starts to back away from the site slowly, and then starts sprinting through the Forrest towards town.
A car is chasing after him all the way out of the forest. It is loud, yet it is completely obscured from view. All we can do is hear it.
Then, PAUL ducks in a large oak root, obscuring him from the car's view. He is crouched over fearfully, covering his mouth so he won't breathe too loudly.
We finally see the car, but only its silhouette. It transforms, slowly, methodically. It is much larger than PAUL and even the tree. It looks around for only a moment, and then it transforms again and drives off. PAUL pauses for a moment before fully realizing what just happened.
InT. Midday
PAUL sprints up the stairs to MISS ANGEL's apartment. He knocks on the door furiously before barging in. Her apartment is full of orthodox icons, candles, and rosaries. There is a Polish flag next to an icon of saint Alderbert. MISS ANGEL is napping on a dingy little bed.
MISS ANGEL
PAUL Startsburg! You better have good reason for barging in here and disturbing my after-shift nap!
PAUL
(Frantically and jostled)
I-i-
MISS ANGEL
(sternly)
You were in the Forrest, after I told you not to go.
PAUL nods quickly.
MISS ANGEL
And, you saw something you can't explain. What. A. Shocker.
PAUL
It was a car, and then it-it looked like a robot! There's no other way to put it! but then, it-it-
Int. Night
At town hall. PAUL is now speaking in front of a crowd of a hundred people, all huddled together in fear.
PAUL
IT TRANSFORMED!!!!!
The crowd goes nuts. Everyone is running around the town hall in terror, until two loud gunshots are fired. The camera pans to a redneck, potbellied man with two shotguns in his hand. Everyone stops and looks at him, and they all go quiet.
REDNECK
Alright, y'all. Calm down. This ain't nothin' to get scared 'bout, ya hear? Where's you say yer from again?
PAUL leans into the mic.
PAUL
NYC. I don't see what this has to do with anything though, sir.
REDNECK
Welp, alright then city boy, have you ever seen a hog before?
PAUL
A what? You mean a pig?
REDNECK
Yup. Now hogs'll make a strange noise, stand up on their hinds, heck, they'll even get bigger than a man if they're bred right. And as the only hog farmer in town, I can say proudly that my porkers are the biggest in the state. Tell ya what-One of 'em musta ran off and now it's livin' in the woods. Clearly, the boy's got himself an overactive imagination, and he's just makin' up some story about some kinda... I dunno... transformer.
PAUL
Well, what do you suppose we do then, farmer...
REDNECK
Farmer Clyde, at your service.
PAUL
Okay. Farmer Clyde. That "animal" still chased me around the Forrest, and-it's still out there!
FARMER CLYDE
Hmm. I say we'll go out and have us a little hog hunt. First one to catch it'll get to keep it!
The town erupts in cheers, with people shouting "Beast hunt!" or "Kill it!!"
EXT. Midnight
Farmer Clyde, Paul, and a few other townsfolk stalk the Forrest in a clump; multiple other clumps with torches are around the area.
FARMER CLYDE
Heeeeeere, piggy piggy.... come to daddy.
PAUL
What's this cursed Forrest called anyways?
FARMER CLYDE
Witwicky woods. Was a crazy man who lived out here when I was a boy with that name. 'parently he talked to ghosts 'n demons.
PAUL
Witwicky woods-and demons? Wow! Maybe the pig was possessed or something.
A rustle is heard. The same eerie silence as earlier comes back as all crickets stop. The silence lingers for a moment. Then a defining bang is heard. One of the townsfolk in farmer Clyde's cluster gets shot with a Lazer blast through the head, leaving only his neck and scattering his brains all over the men. Everyone remains calm though, for only a moment.
FARMER CLYDE
(calmly)
Welp, we can definitely rule "hog" out.
The group runs all over the place. The camera follows PAUL, as multiple large transformers, still silhouettes, chase after him and about 30 others all throughout Witwicky Forrest. Many are shot down, and some are picked up and taken away off screen, including farmer Clyde.
One man moves next to PAUL, running alongside him, when he is suddenly picked up by a decepticon drone, aka a vehicon, where his head is ripped off his body, with his spine visible, and several veins visible as well.
The body is then tossed at PAUL, who trips momentarily, blood completely covering him. The vehicon then leaves him and goes off screen. PAUL is immobilized under the decapitated corpse for a moment, but then he gets up, much slower this time. He's broken a rib, or arm, or leg, or some combination of the three. He limps on, undetected by the vehicons.
Int. Midnight
PAUL is still caked in blood at a payphone. He leans into the box, trying to ease his pain. He dials 911, and we fast forward a few seconds to him being put on hold momentarily. Then, a woman's voice speaks out of the phone:
WOMAN IN PHONE
Tell me your story again?
PAUL
(in lots of pain)
This is like the fifth time now with you people!!
(grasping his side)
Aaaaagh!!!
(wheezing)
My name is PAUL Startburg, and I am in Suwanee Georgia, and I just saw several things I was never meant to see.
WOMAN IN PHONE
You saw a transformer.
PAUL
I think so.
WOMAN IN PHONE
We'll send somebody out. Hang tight.
PAUL passes out from the pain. When he wakes up, we hear a man's voice yelling.
MAN
EXCUSE ME FINE GENTLEMAN!!!! ARE YOU PAUL STARTSBURG!!!
PAUL painfully replies:
PAUL
Yes? No yelling please.
Man
Well then sir, I have all kinds of great news! But you gotta get in the car with me first to hear it.
PAUL weakly gets up, grasping his rib, as he follows the lively man to his car, a white Porsche 911 with racing stickers all over. They both stand outside of the car for a moment, as the MANwaits for PAUL to get in.
MAN
Well... watcha waiting for?
PAUL
Where are we going?
MAN
Top secret information I ain't allowed to disclose. Tell you what though.
There's people there that can fix up that busted rib you got. Does that make you want to go?
PAUL
Oof...yeah.
PAUL gets in. The man watches him, and then, like a hologram, he phases through the driver seat door of the car, into the front seat. PAUL looks at him flabbergasted.
MAN
Well, don't look so shocked! You're makin’ me feel weird!
PAUL
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??
The man just shrugs and smiles.
MAN
You got a looooooot of catchin' up to do, Paul! But you look pretty beat. You got about 40 minutes 'til we get to hq, plenty of time to rest.
PAUL
I just experienced horrors far beyond my comprehension. I'm not resting until I find out what just happened to me, and who you are and-
MAN
Where I'm takin' you. You want the long explanation or the short one?
PAUL
I don't know anymore.
MAN
Alright, cool. Real cool. Okay, So-don't freak out and try to jump out of the car when I tell you this.
PAUL
What?
MAN
Sooooo... you know those alien robot dudes that freaked you out real bad? Yeah, well I'm one of them.
PAUL looks at him agape.
PAUL
!!!!!!!!!!!
MAN
Wait!! Wait! Wait!! Before you freak out, my name's Jazz. Like the earth music thing, and I'm an autobot. We're the good guys.
PAUL
Then what was going on with those robots? Do you know any of them? Are they autobots too?
JAZZ
Naw. They're called decepticons. They're an evil death cult run by a tyrant, a twink, a tech junkie, and a terrible scientist. They're our enemies.
PAUL
(horrified)
What?
JAZZ
Ooh!!! You're gonna love this: They destroy anyone and everything in their universal conquest! AND NOW THEY"RE HERE!!!! YIPEE!!!
PAUL
(freaking out)
WHY ME???
JAZZ
No clue man! No clue! Why me?!
PAUL
Why anyone...
JAZZ
Speakin' of anyone, 'spouse you outta know the local wildlife at autobot Hq! Check it out!
PAUL's glove compartment opens up, revealing a photo of Jazz, Arcee, Prowl, and Ironhide, all autobot transformers. Jazz and Arcee are smiling warmly. Prowl and Ironhide stare blankly at the camera.
JAZZ
That's the gang! We're a small 'lil group of misfits just tryna do good in a crazy universe.
PAUL
Great. So there's more of you.
JAZZ
Oh don't worry. They're a lot quieter. 'specially Prowl. Y'all would get along really well.
PAUL passes out.
JAZZ
I should stop talking because you passed out from the pain again. Yep. I hope he likes me... Eh. Whatevs.
He pops in a cd he has lying around. TV girl instrumentals start playing as vision fades out.
INt./EXT. Late morning
PAUL awakes from his bed bolt upright. He walks around a clean, empty room, frazzled. He is cleaned up, in new clothes, probably just shorts and a tee shirt again. He sees a little table with a note on it. It has a little crudely drawn smiley face with Jazz's signature. He sighs.
Walking out the door to his room, he sees outside tons of wires, boxes, and other pieces of power plant tech. We see that his room was inside a little mobile home. He walks around aimlessly, gathering his bearings. The sounds of busting Atlanta can be heard in the background. He frowns.
PAUL
I died and went to hell.
A girl walks out of another mobile home nearby. She waves to PAUL.
GIRL
Hi there!! Welcome to autobot HQ! I'm Lexi! Nice to meet ya!
PAUL just blinks miserably.
LEXI
Oh lighten up! You and I, we're on a grand adventure, ya know?
PAUL
I just watched a man get his spine ripped out by a gigantic alien robot. I do not think I will "lighten up"
LEXI
Fair. After a couple of months, you'll get used to this.
PAUL
Will I ever be able to get home?
LEXI
I mean sure. But I don't know if you'd want to go back.
PAUL
The monsters are still out there.
LEXI
yep.
PAUL
Well then, I better settle in.
LEXI
Lightening up wouldn't hurt either!
A loud ringing can be heard. LEXI runs over to a telephone box. PAUL watches her answer curiously.
LEXI
'yello!
A garbled voice says a couple things to her. She nods and winces as they tell them to her.
LEXI
Thanks prowl.
(hangs up, now talking to PAUL)
Hey... so um... they can't find those guys that traumatized you. They've been searching the forest all day and can't find anything. They've vanished into thin air.
PAUL looks at her and does a sarcastic thumbs up.
PAUL
(smiling)
Well, at least they're gone you know...
LEXI
That's the spirit!
INT. Space
In a satellite, orbiting around the earth. Soundwave, a decepticon, is communicating via television with shockwave, on cybertron.
SOUNDWAVE
The decepticons await the revolutionary collective's arrival.
SHOCKWAVE
Eccelent. A suitable base has been prepared for lord megatron's arrival, correct?
SOUNDWAVE
Affirmative.
SHOCKWAVE
Wonderful. I will alert them immediately. Operation infiltration shall begin shortly.
SOUNDWAVE
All hail megatron!
SHOCKWAVE
All hail megatron!
Soundwave hangs up. He observes the vehicon around him.
SOUNDWAVE
Has lazerbeak returned?
VEHICON
Yes. The town of Suwannee is ours to command.
SOUNDWAVE
Prepare the prisoners for rearrival.
VEHICON
Yes master.
The screen alerts soundwave of an incoming call.
SOUNDWAVE
Number 4142, answer.
The vehicon presses a button, and starscream, a decepticon turned television star on earth answers.
Starscream
Ah, Soundwave! Greatings! Or as the English say, cheerio!
Soundwave gives him a blank stare
STARSCREAM
Always a fun one, weren't you. Ah, how long has it been? My aging memory fails me. How goes it?
Blank stare. Cricket sound effect.
STARSCREAM
Anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyzzzzzzzz.... I'm doing EXELENT. England has been SO kind to me. I got 12 films I've STARED in, and they still think I'm romainian! AHAHAHAHAA!!! Anyways... I digress.
(whispering)
Would Megsy be mad if I rejoined? Oh I hope not. I miss him sooooo dearly...
Blank stare from Soundwave.
STARSCREAM
I'll ask him. Anyways... just wanted to catch up and hear how you're doing. Toodles!
A vehicon hangs up. Mocking starscreams vocals and mannerisms he goes:
VEHICON
"toodles!"
(normal voice)
Give me a break!
SOUNDWAVE
Prepare the ship for entering the atmosphere. There is much preparation to be done for the revolutionary division.
Credits start rolling with "heavy metal" by blue oyster cult playing. "Written and Directed By Button Quail"
Points:
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Possible AI signals:
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137,507 Literary Works • 672,040 Reviews
hi there!
I haven't seen a script on here in a long time!
I don't know much about the source material, but I found this to be a really genre-bending take on the Transformers lore. I like how you've juxtaposed small town Americana with more visceral horror and '80s inspired sci-fi. a lot of the action-oriented versions of the franchise don't focus on the fact it's really scary at times, that most people would be terrified of what's going on? it's nice to see you both stay true to the source while taking your own creative liberties at times, especially with this whole "boots-on-the-ground" perspective of a giant robot invasion!
the characterization of the supporting cast is a particular strength for me as well; I liked how each character felt like they had an intended role without being too on-the-nose / cliche. for example, I really liked Paul as a fish-out-of-water kind of protagonist that felt very human under pressure! though, he's largely reactive and lacks actual agency in the story. it might be beneficial to give Paul an opportunity to transition him from a witness to a participant in these conflicts, especially as he's (I assume) the main character.
^ more of a technical point, but I'd suggest to look at your script structure too! the format can be hard to get down, but it's great to look into!
the most immediate technical fix involves your sluglines (the scene headers). a header like INT. Dawn is missing the location, which is a critical piece of information for a production crew. the standard format should always be INT./EXT. LOCATION - TIME OF DAY, for example: INT. DIVE BAR - DAWN. additionally, when you introduce a character for the first time, like Paul, their name should be in all caps in the action description ("A man, PAUL STARTSBURG (20s), stares off into the distance"). this helps hypothetical casting directors and readers keep track of when new players enter the story, especially with so many characters.
also, your action descriptions are very evocative, but they sometimes include camera talk. phrases like "The camera pans to..." or "We finally see the car..." are generally discouraged in modern screenwriting unless the shot is absolutely essential to the plot - instead of describing what the camera does, describe what the character sees or what is happening in the world! the reader will see the shot in their mind based on how you describe the movement.
anyways, this was a very stylistically distinct take on the franchise! I don't know much about the "lore" nor am I a huge fan, but I found this to be an enjoyable read nonetheless!
best,
cocteau
thank you so much!!! is your name a reference to the cocteau twins? I love that band!
Hi! I'm here to give a review; this was an interesting piece of work.
So, I'll start with things that I liked, followed by things which I think could be improved.
What works well:
The opening atmosphere is strong.
The quiet Georgia bar, the older locals, the cheesy country music. It sets the tone immediately. It feels lived‑in, not generic.
Paul is instantly likeable.
He’s curious, slightly awkward, and very human. His reactions feel real, especially when he’s terrified or confused.
Miss Angel is a standout.
Her voice is so clear; the Orthodox icons, the Polish flag, the dramatic warnings about aliens probing him. She feels like someone you’d actually meet in a Southern town.
The tonal shift at the crater is genuinely effective.
The sudden silence, the unseen car, the transformation. It’s creepy in a way that doesn’t feel forced.
The horror sequence in the forest is shockingly vivid.
The laser blast, the decapitation, the gore; brutal but not gratuitous. It raises the stakes and makes the Decepticons feel genuinely dangerous.
What could be improved:
The pacing is uneven.
It’s fun, but sometimes disorienting. A few slower transitions would help the emotional beats land harder.
Some dialogue could be tightened.
A few lines run long or repeat information. Shortening them would make the humour punchier and the tension sharper.
The forest massacre escalates very fast.
It’s effective, but giving Paul a few more seconds of dread before the violence starts could make the horror even more impactful.
Overall I enjoyed this very much, and I hope you will take my feedback into consideraton.
yessss!!! thank you SO muuuuccccchh!!!! its been such a wild week, and I really needed this praise and critique!!!! thank you!!!