I love her
No matter what she could do
She could break my heart a million times
And I would never pick up on the signs
She could say she hates me
and continue to hurt me
But I still love her
And it would somehow fill me with glee
She pushes me away then pulls me back
But it never turns my heart black
I'm like a puppet on a string
Now somehow immune to her sting
I say it hurts but never attempt to flee
forever we will be
She could use me again and again
and my patience would never run thin
my love for her is strong
but it could be wrong
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
Hey STARRYY! This is Alex, here with a review. I've never read a work by you so I'm super excited to try it out. I'm aware this is out of the Green Room already, but I thought I'd shower some lover nevertheless. So let's dive right in!
It sounds like a toxic romance, where the narrator is unable to let go of their partner despite getting hurt multiple times by their uncaring actions. It's agonizing in a way, but also tells us how deep these feelings really run.
It almost feels empty as the structure isn't exactly ideal, here's an easy fix-
I love her and always will
No matter what she'd do
The narrator sounds almost pathetic here, but I'm sure that's the vibe you were going for, to begin with. Their willingness to ignore the pain goes on to portray their denial and the desire to hold on to something that was once good.
I believe it needs a 'will' after the 'I' but other than that, everything's good.
Wow simply amazing! The metaphors used are absolutely brilliant.
Though stunning, this part felt bulky to read. I'm out of suggestions for this one but perhaps you have some ideas?
How about 'I can't help but think it's wrong' 'I'm afraid it might be wrong'? Either way, a great closing.
Overall, it was a lovely poem. It's definitely needs some polishing and work but it's speaks directly to the reader's heart. It's brimming with emotions and displays the complexity of love. It's simple elegance really impressed me. An incredibly shattering read. It was my pleasure to review it. Hope to read more from you soon.
Hello, Starryy! Happy Review Month! Valkyria here to leave a short review for your work. Let's get into it:
This is an intriguing insight into what is maybe a toxic relationship. The narrator loves this person despite how often their partner hurts them. And they can't help but stay with her.
Flowers - striking details in the work that made me smile
The metaphors are so good, especially between the middle and last sections. As the narrator describes their relationship, we see how damaging it actually is.
This is my favorite line. I feel like this summarizes the entire poem. You get a sense of how much control the partner has over the narrator. It's such striking imagery.
Record Scratch - areas that lacked clarity or disrupted the flow
I think what could make this poem stronger is to add more specificity to their relationship. It tells us that she is toxic, but keep describing it. Show us how she harms the narrator emotionally. Also, in regard to the very last line, I think you can add a little more either at the end or sprinkled throughout. The narrator thinks they could be wrong about how much they love her, and that is really interesting. I want to know their thoughts more about it, so I would love to see that explored deeper.
Sunshine - overall positive takeaways and words of encouragement
I really enjoyed reading your poem. It feels real and sad. I love how you explore this unhealthy dynamic through the eyes of the person being hurt and how they almost brush that pain away to stay with her. Well done!
Spoiler
Hello! It's CATS passing by to find this wonderful love poem and you know that I am obsessed with romance, right? So let's dive in!
The first stanza really hits me. It's like someone hates you but you can't help how you feel.
I feel like "But it never turns my heart black" doesn't really flow so maybe you can add "But it never turns my loving heart black" but it's just a suggestion and an opinion!
Aww...the ending stanza is my favorite. I love it so much! Maybe do "but it could be wrong" into "but it could be SO wrong," maybe it would fit better.
OVERALL: I can tell your feelings are exploding out of you into this wonderful, love poem. It sounds so real, the truth exposed through your heart.
I love your poems, they are so good and I hope you can keep going cause you are MEANT TO BEEE WE DREAMIN HARD WE CAME SO FAR NOW I BELIEVEEEE
Okay, signing off before I go crazy.
Happy Reading, Happy WE"RE GOING UP UP UP Writing, and IT"S OUR MOMENT Happy Poetry, YOU KNOW TOGETHER WE GLOWIN and Happy RevMo!
Love,
CATS
GONNA BE GONNA BE GOLDEN...