Nervous fingertips laced with sweat
Lips quivering with empty words
Hollow distractions hiding swift movements
Explanations based on fallacy and deception.
.
Manipulation is admirable and often praised
Lies become weightless
Cold, hard facts become warm and slippery
Too easy to lose in the face of trickery.
.
Deceit is applauded
Fabrication commended
A blanket of acceptance has come over minds
Openness to lies that have always existed.
.
But only now
In the presence of what we call magic
Do we come to terms with the lies we feed each other relentlessly
In all honesty, magic is a reality check.
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Hello! I really enjoyed this poem and its concept. I especially liked the part in your last line that read: "...magic is a reality check." It was a powerful ending to wrap up the central idea of your poem. Your last stanza flows a little weirdly. I don't think you need the words, "In all honesty". I would switch it to say: "And accept magic as a reality check." or "And learn that magic is a reality check." That's just how I would change it though, you may want to do something differently or leave it how it is. My absolute favorite stanza in your poem is the one that reads:
You did a great job on this and used excellent imagery. Keep up the good work!
Thank you so much for the awesome review!
I really liked the concept. It's an intresting subject. I have always been fascinated with magic shows since I was young and to put it into an objective like yours, it makes it even more fascinating. The rhyming at the end of the second set of lines seemed a little forced but I loved the start of the third set though (that flow was so umph worthy XD). Like someone mentioned before, I'm not feeling the end. It seemed forced. I think you can do a lot better than that. Overall great work!
Thanks for your review ^-^ Any rhyming in this was not intentional, just thought you should know. And yeah, I think the ending is forced too, but I'm working on getting it the way I want. Thanks, again!
Yeah, that's what I got for the rhyming. It didn't really seem like the main focus but I wanted to let you know either way XD great job though~ I'm sure with a better ending (though this one is good too, just has potential to be so much more) this poem can be even greater ^-^
Thanks
Hey! I liked this poem, but the last line felt rather weak to me. The first part, "In all honesty" didn't seem necessary, and made the line weaker. The line length is good, but I would say find a different way to state it. Overall a good poem!
Thank you for your feedback ^_^
Hello! So overall I liked this, but I think your ending was stronger than your start so I'm going to try to point out a few things you may be able to improve:
I like this line. It reminds me of the trick where you put your hands out over the plastic balls/ coloured sponges and then make them disappear. But really they're just lifted by the gaps between your fingers and then dropped as your hands drop below the table edge.1. The first stanza feels very flat because the structure of all the lines is the same. You've got a noun as the first/ second word and a noun as the last word every time. This makes for a very predictable stanza and it makes the flow kind of dull. Maybe try shaking it up a bit. Something like:
Fingertips laced with a nervous sweat
touch quivering lips, empty words emptying
their hollow distractions to mask slight of hand.
Explanations based on fallacy and deception.
Obviously that's a quick write up, but the idea is to have at least some variation, especially if you're not writing in an iambic pentameter or other solid beat. That would help keep the pace moving but on its own, it's dragging a little.
2.
3.
I think 'Open' would work better than Openness on this line. It's less clunky and makes a smoother tie between the two sentences.
4. I'd suggest 'the lies we feed one another' rather than 'the lies we feed each other relentlessly' in that last stanza. It's a little shorter and snappier and gives more emphasis to the final line. Which is a very nice line by the way!
Overall, a fun subject for the poem and some interesting explorations of what magic is. Thanks for the read and best of luck with this!
Heather xx
Thanks so much for the review! I really appreciate your advice and glad you enjoyed reading ^_^
Heya!
I really enjoyed the poem and the message of it.
I like how you said when the tricks are preformed, we willingly accept the lie but in our everyday lives we do not.
Well done!!
Keep writing.
Thanks so much for your comment