On an excellent writing site
A user fell into a plight
Got forbidden points
Not to disappoint
This piece they decided to write
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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140,692 Literary Works • 673,622 Reviews
(sorry not haiku, limerick) @IronSpark
Hey! ChocolateCello here!
Happy review day!
I don't have a lot to say, as this poem was rather short, but let's start.
The first two lines were great, everything felt comfortable and in place. The second two lines I had a bit of a problem with though.
A pet peeve of mine is when people rhyme the same two words (Or Homonyms). I don't know why, but if always bothers me. Now, 'Disappoint' and 'points' are different words, yes, but disap'point' still feels like a cheat.
Now, I feel bad saying this because I don't see any possible way to fix it. There's really no easy was to rewords so I suggest you simply keep it how it is, (Unless, of course, you can come up with something)
This poem really made me smile and it was really well written.
Keep up the good work!
-ChocolateCello
Ha, that's actually one of my pet peeves too; I feel like it just makes for a cheap rhyme. I actually didn't notice that, so thanks for pointing it out! I don't see any way to fix it, either, but I appreciate the awesome review.
Hey there, 1MSLS (decided to abbreviate 'cus I'm lazy)!
Like Doctor of the Feel Good, I'm going to try to review this. Because it's Review Day and EVERYTHING SHALL BE REVIEWED!
Anyhow.
Content (by Line):
I'd rather have this line in iambic pentameter (or at least close to), which sounds more natural to our ears than this. Try something like "When browsing an excellent writing site". Then it goes, "When BROWsing an exCELLent WRITing SITE".
Now this works with the first line. Now we can play around.
Replacing this line with "They collected some extra stuff," would be good. "Stuff", in this case, is points. I'm just messing around here...
We can rhyme this with "stuff", making it an A A B B rhyme scheme. Let's do, "and wrote some extra fluff". "Fluff", in this case, is messy poetry...
Anyhow. Sorry for bothering you, and don't forget to be awesome!
IronSpark
Hi, and thanks for the review ^_^ This was meant to be a haiku, which might disregard all of your suggestions. However, I will definitely take them into account on this old piece of work and thanks for your review.
Oops, I totally didn't see that! Sorry... I can write a new version, if you want, or I'll review a different piece.
If you want to, I'd love that. No pressure, though. Thanks anyway for taking the time to review it in the first place
Hi 1morestupidsong, Gaurav here for a very short review. (Probably the shortest ever I have given)
That was nice. Short yet effective.
So I read a work titled "For fortis" Now this is "For Veeren."
It's great to see people writing/dedicating work to their friend/s.
I don't exactly know how to review this, but I commend your writing style and the melodious rhyme. Site-plight, point-disappoint, that was cool stuff.
Good job. keep writing
Thanks so much for the awesome review! I super duper appreciate it!
Hey, 1more!
All I can say really is how humorous this is. It's really witty, from line 1 to line 5. It's short, simple, to the point. I can say that you got the point across (hee hee) ^.^ The lines actually rhymed. I mean, a lot of writers on here don't rhyme, which is nice, but they feel as if their rhyme will feel forced. I cannot say yours was forced because that would be untrue. Great job. I loved it.
So... this is for VeerenWKS... I wonder why... care to tell?
*BADUM-CRASH!* Nice pun
.
Thanks so much for the review, by the way! I really appreciate it!!!
So, I really liked one of VeerenAway's works, so I sent him/her points so they could write more. Then they were all "WHAAAAT!" so they sent double the amount back, and so I spent it on this as REVENGE.....
*he
^^ Aww. That's cool! Hee hee. I think you got your revenge! XD
And you're welcome.
Thanks! (again!)
XP
wait
WHAT
HA that made me laugh out loud.
I GOT YOOUUUUUUUUU MWEEHEE! <<EVIL 5-YEAR-OLD'S LAUGH (DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT 5 YEARS OLD)
enjoy it while you can
What is that supposed to mean.....?
it means soon ill be the one laughing c:<
and im a heeeeee by the way xp
Ok, didn't want to jump to any conclusions, DUDE XP
well if you wanna see me i gots a bunch a pictures up in the old and new post your pic threads xp, which reminds me i should probably get a new one >.>
Ha! Well this is funny. Punny, too, I could say. I like it. Short and simple, what more can I say?
Thanks!
There's not much else I want to hear except "All hail the great 1morestupidlovesong!" Thank you!